Living Life on the Run

Yearly Review

2010-07-02T09:25:00.002-05:00

It is that time of year again, yearly review time. Normal people do it on January 1, I do it on July 2 - it's my thing (and probably a billion other people's thing, but who cares about them, this is MY blog that I never write in anymore, but I digress).

So what can I really say about this last year. It was a year back to watching TV and movies, and I can honestly say that the year off totally changed the way I watch. I saw three movie this year worth my time and have not seen one show that I would spend once a week on (even Wipe Out, sorry Adam and the rest of the world). What are those three movies? Book of Eli, Henry Poole Is Here, and Toy Story 3. Thinking about going off of them again, but I think it would be hard to entertain Adam because I would have to start putting on skits - and I can only do so many one woman shows in a lifetime, and I think I used up 75% of my limit in high school.

I use to say that even numbered ages were the bad years and odd numbered ages were the good ones. And if you look at ages 18-29 you would have to agree with me. So entering 30 I was a little apprehensive. The first strike against me was that I was moving from St. Louis back to Stillwater, and that is enough to make the even numbered age the worst thing in the world. Going back to school and trying to get back into that groove without much support, leaving my best friends I have ever made behind. But something strange happened - I got married. So I guess the even/odd year curse is over (if you believe in that sort of thing). Let me repeat a crucial part of that last idea - I GOT MARRIED. A miracle in and of itself. Me. ME! Without weeping and gnashing of teeth, without months on end of daily vomiting and wondering if this was the right thing for me, without a year of counseling and prayer about what ifs and running thinking this all must be a mistake. I actually went into it quite naturally, and quite logically. I came, I saw, I conquered (so to speak). Every step we took from friends, to more than friends, to the first kiss, to the ring, to the altar seemed right and in the right time (even if that was only 9 months). We prayed about it and everything just seemed to fit, so if it fits why back up, and as I have always said "if you know let's go." It was a joke to me because I thought I would never know, so I could say that - well I guess I was wrong. The funny thing about marriage for me is this - fears I use to have a gone, only to be replaced by a different set. A set that seems more irrational than the original set.

The only event of 30 that might make it in the list of the 18-29 year cycle was loosing my granddad. I have said all I really want to say about that event. I miss him a lot and just when I think I am moving on I have a dream with him in it and I miss him like the first day all over again.

School is hard and it is only going to get harder. Time is short and this paper I'm writing is long. How long? Who knows yet? I do know this, if I spent half as much time working on it as I do waisting time (like blogging, or reading blogs, or looking at pictures on facebook) then I would be about done. It all boils down to time really. Not that any of it is hard, it is just finding the time to work on it when classes go on around me, or I am gone for 2 days with work, or Adam comes home and I would rather hang out with him then write 3 paragraphs on the perfect growing media for green roofs (80% lightweight inorganic material, 20% organic material, by the way).

On The Water

2010-05-26T07:03:00.002-05:00

Background: I am working in the Zoology department this summer helping another masters student on their thesis. She has money in her budget to pay someone to help her collect data . . . I do not. Her research is something about nutrient loading in lakes and that consists of driving out to 25 or so lakes over the course of the summer, getting in a boat, going out to the middle, taking sediment and lake bottom samples and driving home. Yesterday was our practice run at Sooner Lake near Stillwater.

Actual Blog: A few minutes before 5am I got the call. Superman died. When you are a kid the adults in your life are sometimes seen as superhuman with their size, their power, and the way other people act when they walk in the room. I have several superheroes in my life, and yesterday one went home. My grandad was bigger than life, fishing, days on the boat water skiing, solving the worlds problems, sail boating, strong opinions, life lessons, strong hands, big love. I didn't really think about it much yesterday, I didn't really let myself. The funny thing is, at the end of the day I did the very thing that I remember most about him, I went out on the water. No skiing, or fishing, just boating. The end of the day, calm water, just boating. I think that was the best way to celebrate his life - and I didn't even set out to live my day that way.

Spoofs

2010-05-08T10:45:00.002-05:00

Since Lady Gaga is up in arms over American Idol (don't know why, don't care just saw the headline) I thought I would post this:

Almost as good as Justin Timberlake on SNL spoofing Beyonce's Single Ladies:

Or you can have the kid that is crying because he ISN'T A SINGLE LADY:

Slowing Down

2010-05-06T11:13:00.002-05:00

Why is it that when you have less to do it takes you the same amount of time as if you had a lot to do? I will never figure that out. I would have way more free time in my life if I would work as fast and diligently when I had 3 things to do than when I have 8 things to do. Maybe it is just me, but I'm going to take a stab that it isn't.

Another running day today. I'm sticking with my original plan that I had at the start of the week!!! Two miles this time but at a terrible pace. 24 minutes for the two miles. NOW, it was a trail run - but yeah, it is pretty bad. I did check my times from Tuesday to find that while I only did run 1.5 miles I did it at an under 11 minute mile pace - which is a bit fast for me, so I am using that as an excuse. Maybe I just need to build back up like I did before. Start all over with the Podrunner Intervals. Part of me thinks this would be best, but the other part knows that I can run at least two miles each time and maybe 3 if I was running on good fuel. Maybe I will have to pull that out after we get back from our trip.

I have decided that Ryan Hall is my favorite runner . . . or his wife Sara. What the heck, I will pick them both one male and one female, that is how it should be right? He has been touted as the best American marathon runner in a long time. The trick to that is, he hasn't really won many races. I think that is why I like him. He is picked to be the one to beat, and many do. I also read an article about him in the November Runner's World (I'm a bit behind) that talked about what organization he runs for. World Vision! WORLD VISION! I think that solidified it for me. Many thought he would win the New York Marathon. He didn't, but one of the men in his training camp did - Meb Keflezighi. In the article (written before the race) Meb said of Ryan, "Ryan understands that God has blessed him with a talent. His strong faith and commitment let him conquer the ultimate distance - the marathon." Oh, and he also takes 2 hour naps on his easy training days. That has to put him at the top of my list.

8 days. Not that I am counting.

Poor Showing

2010-05-04T14:18:00.002-05:00

What a poor showing I had today on my run. I have been doing the school walk thing for the last couple of weeks - but that ends up being only about 2-3 days a week. So I decided that this week I would walk to school 3 days, run the other 2, and then run on Saturday. So I went to Boomer today do a little bit of a run. It is a 3 mile circuit and so I thought it would be nice to see how far I could go running compared to the 3 mile walk to school. 1.5 miles. That is IT! I had to walk the rest. When I was rested a bit I thought I would run again, but I was running into the wind. You know, the wind that comes sweeping down the plains - well it stinks.

To and Fro

2010-04-21T15:04:00.003-05:00

After walking to and fro, and to and fro, and to school over the last three days, I decided to go for a run in my break between classes today. I know I said I wasn't going to walk fro school on Monday, but I did anyway. My class got out about 5 minutes early so I got to the bus stop just in time to see my bus leaving. The next bus, that I would have taken anyway, wasn't going to be leaving for another 30 minutes and then another 10 to get home, and as close as I was at that point I decided that I might as well walk. I got home just in time to see my bus drop people off at my apartment. Job done. I have started to really like the walk. The first time I did it I listened to my iPod, but the last few times I have just walked. Yesterday on my way home I saw a baby snake in a puddle. Maybe it was my run in's with three water moccasins this weekend that made me think it was a baby water moccasin, I don't know, but I tried to get it to slither off and instead it attacked my shoe. I decided it best to just walk on.

Anyway! My run today was really great. I forgot my hair tie so I ran hair down and in my face. I run like the wind (a 5 mph wind) so it wasn't that bad. I didn't know exactly how far I was running but I timed myself. When I got back into my office I checked it out on Google Earth. 2.37 miles in 26:38 (11:14 per mile). Not too shabby of a time for me.

For lunch today I brought some Craisins. I usually put the Craisins in my salad with goat cheese, spinach, and walnuts - I love it. The craisins sans all that stuff are TERRIBLE! I'm going back to my raisins if I am not going to eat something with it.

Today is my second to last Landscape Ecology class (or regular session). I motivate myself to go by buying a hot chocolate with a splash of hazelnut and steamed milk to drink on my way over. It may be too hot to drink it today, but I think I will keep it up simply because it is so hard to make myself go over there. I am part of the presentation today (AGAIN) so I have to go and be knowledgeable. The funny thing is the person I am presenting with told me today that she finds me very focused. I laughed because yesterday while trying to do the readings for the presentation I fell asleep for awhile. Then I woke up and stared at the ceiling for about an hour. I have hit a bit of a lull in the school work for a few days, which has been very nice, and it is the end of the semester so I know that I am lacking in focus - but this whole year I haven't felt focused at all. Maybe it is the way I handle life now that is different and it makes me feel like I am unfocused compared to how I use to be. She even told me that she listened to me in class more than the teacher because the way I said things about the readings and in response to his questions made more sense than anything he said. I think I have just learned over the years how to B.S. my way through life instead of being focused. That perception of me is hilarious, but who am I to correct her. I tried, but she still thinks I'm focused and driven and can't believe I am not going to go on and get my Phd. No thanks. One Dr. Morgan in the family is enough. I guess though in about 23 days I would be a Dr. Beitz!

I think I have rambled long enough. Now it is time to start gearing myself up for my class, making my way over to the hot chocolate place.

Walkabout

2010-04-19T13:26:00.002-05:00

This morning I decided to walk to school. I don't know why, I just felt like doing that rather than taking the bus. My hip and knee have kind of been bothering me so I didn't think I would be running today, so I thought a walk would be good. It is only about 3 miles and it took me about 50 minutes. Not sure that is a good time or not but it is farther than I usually travel by foot these days. I guess I didn't tighten up my shoes enough this morning due to the 20 or so chigger bites on them so now my feet are a little road weary.

I can't really complain about this day. Sitting at about 60 outside and after 8 months of trying I finally have a desk in an office at the school. I now feel like an official grad student rather than a nomadic sheep herder. I will finally be able to move a lot of my books over here so that I don't have to carry them back and forth all the time and that will also clear my drafting table at home to gather other things like mail, trash, and other junk I just lay on top of it. I think this desk has been empty for quite some time so I came to it to discover it covered in Wal-Mart bags full of food and drinks. Either I will be having a snack later, or they are having an end of the year party and this is the food storage spot. I just moved it and sat down. I don't really have anything to mark my territory except to pee on the corners of the desk right now, so I suspect the stuff will all be back in it's place tomorrow when I come in again.

I will not be walking home today because my class gets out at 5 and I need to get dinner going by about 5:30. This domestic transition may kill me . . . not in a bad way, it has just been hard over the last few months to think about the fact that I can't just eat whenever I feel the whim to do so if that is at 5, 7, or midnight, there is someone else who wants to eat with me and comes over about 6ish to do so. So instead of eating egg and broccoli burritos for 10 nights in a row I have to think of something else to fix because I am the only person who can eat the same thing every day and not really care . . . until I grow tired of it and don't eat it again for 4 months. All this to say I will probably continue this trend of walking until the end of the semester (a whopping 2-3 weeks) until I move to about a mile and a half away where I WILL be waking for the most part unless it is a blizzard or monsoon outside and I will be taking the bus (that will stop a block away).

Catching A Trend

2010-04-17T09:24:00.002-05:00

I ran this morning. 1.8 miles in 21:20 minutes. That is a poor showing of 11:51 per mile. The difference? Not on a treadmill. Treadmills lie. They are good for actually running when there is snow on the ground or you can't bring yourself to run when it is 20 outside or even the perfect 55, but they lie on how fast and far you are running. It is all about the movement. Outside you have to push up and forward, on a treadmill just up. Anyway, it was also poor because it has been over a week since I have run. Well it is time to start kicking into gear.

A bit of it all

2010-04-08T18:05:00.003-05:00

Doing a little Google bombing for a car place in San Antonio. Why? Because it is fun for me and I need all the fun I can get out of life right at this moment. So click on the link or even put the link in your site and type the name just like this so that it links to his web page:

Kastis Automotive Repair in San Antonio

Now back to our regularly scheduled programming.

Biked on Monday. That was way harder than I thought. 30 minutes 10ish miles. Ran yesterday:

Run Time: 33:30

Run Distance: 3 miles

Feeling: Great! I ran about 6 minutes at 6 mph which I haven't done in . . . well probably ever. Maybe I did at the 5K last year but I lost track.

Sitting on 36 days left. Actually 35 days 20 hours 49 minutes. But who is really counting?

I did not

2010-04-04T20:40:00.003-05:00

. . . work out at all last week after Monday. My plan is to work out at least 3 days this week. I knew the second I published that I would work out at least 4 days a week maybe 5 starting after my running study I would fail. Because that is how blogs like mine work.

Anyway, on my iGoogle I have a little count down and it looks a little something like this:

So soon, so excited, and still in awe that this is actually happening to me and that I actually had these feelings for another human being. I didn't think it was possible.

7 Year Itch

2010-03-31T13:00:00.002-05:00

I really don't have a 7 year itch, but I do have an itch. And that is all I'm going to say about it, other than when the Dr. told me what it was I said "I wish you told me I had poison ivy" (which is what I went in thinking I had).

So I went running on Monday. I did 2.5 miles in 30 minutes. For those of you keeping track at home that is only a 12 minute mile. I might as well be walking. My running and working out has been on quite a slide since spring break. Part of that is my schedule to the end of school. There is a lot of lab work to be done this month for some guys in my department, so the time I would spend in the gym gets put in their lab instead. It's OK as long as I don't make it a habit. Today I thought I would be working in the lab all day, I was told I would be working in the lab all day - but now it seems that I'm not needed today - so I just got a three hour hole of time. Guess what, no workout clothes. I mean, why would I? I was going to be in the lab all day. Oh well, it will give me some time to read a book I have been putting off for my thesis. This weekend I have to go on a field trip - Friday through Saturday. It should be fun, but that puts a lot of work on me when I get back, and I have found that I don't do work well right now. Maybe it is the spring weather, maybe it is all the lab time, maybe it is the itching, but it just isn't going very fast.

In other news, I finished the rough draft of my extension paper on green roofs. A lot of work ahead on that, I'm sure, but it felt good to get that first part out of my computer and onto another persons computer for awhile.

Balance

2010-03-23T21:02:00.000-05:00

I follow a blog on Runners World called Marathon Virgin. He wrot a funny article with workout a couple of weeks ago:
Hanging in the Balance Marathon Virgin

I planned on working out today, but then I found out I will probably have to work all day tomorrow and so all the homework I was going to finish up needed to be finished tonight! So I didn't go to the gym. Low and behold, I finished up the bulk of it by 8:15, and the part I still need to finish usually only takes me about an hour (just jinxed myself I think). So anyway, I remembered this workout I printed off a few weeks ago and wanted to try. I'm glad I tried it in the comfort of my own home. I think I would have been embarrassed to do these things in public, especially as bad as I am at some of these exercises. The surfing pop-ups didn't pop, and the Burpees didn't burp. I probably looked like an old woman trying to do these exercises, but I did them twice each. I will work up to the 3 times each in time, but man do I need to be a better burper and popper before I do that.

Back At It

2010-03-22T15:48:00.003-05:00

Well, after over a week off my running was sub par to say the least. I did not get a chance to run on Thursday before break like I had hoped, and I didn't get ANY running in over break. Mostly I sat around and napped. The napping part was fun.

Run Time: 22:59
Run Distance: 2 miles
Feeling: like I wasn't going to even make 2 miles. I had to slow the machine down a couple of times to rest, it was a weak showing for sure
Soundtrack: Home Improvement the snake episode. An early episode about a snake getting into the house and the exterminator can't find it and assumes it went back outside. The exterminator was Stephen Root! I couldn't believe it!

New Jersey Flooding

2010-03-20T11:07:00.003-05:00

Long story short of spring break - went to New Jersey, 20 minutes after we got there we were told to evacuate. Well, 26 hours in a car only to be told to evacuate isn't really going to happen. So we just watched the water level. This is as high as it got and it went down over our stay. Probably more about the trip later.

Run Time

2010-03-09T17:27:00.001-06:00

Run distance: 3.66 miles
Run time: 40 min
I tried to read, but the words on my magazine were too small to follow while running. So I just used it to cover up the screen so I didn't obsess about time and distance. Note to self: larger print.

Running again on Thrusday before my trip to New Jersey. Hopefully I can get some kind of activity in while I am away, it will be a long road back to running if I take a week off.

Yet another reason to like the guy

2010-03-09T13:50:00.002-06:00

I'm not on Twitter, but I do follow a couple of people there. One of them being Jim Gaffigan (http://twitter.com/JimGaffigan). I follow him mostly for his one liners and any updates on tour information. Anyway this was his twitter entry for today.

On Tuesday 9th March 2010, @JimGaffigan said:

This is the day I was given the most important gift of all, Jeannie. Calling Jeannie my wife feels a little like referring to Shakespeare as some English guy. She is the true unsung hero of my success, personally and professionally. Forget that “Woman behind the man” crap. Jeannie and I are one in everything. Jeannie is not just my writing partner, acting coach and spiritual leader. She is not just the smartest sexiest woman I’ve encountered. She is my best friend who I happen to crave with every ounce of my existence. She is there to pick me up when I am down and forgive me when even I was disgusted by my own selfishness and narcissism. I wonder at her beauty and caretaking I witness in our eldest daughter. In her passion and charm bursting out of our son. I get lost in her cuteness and sweetness beaming from our nine-month-old. I even received a glimpse to last a lifetime of Jeannie’s elegance in our baby Maria Lourdes we lost shortly after her birth. Forget that “Luckiest man on earth” crap. That guy obviously never met Jeannie. Happy Jeannie Day!

Row Row Row Your Boat

2010-03-04T13:18:00.002-06:00

Rowing again today - 20 minutes. I'm not sure if I like it or not. I kind of miss running. I look longingly over at the people on the treadmills wishing I could go nowhere on my feet instead of on my butt. I think that the treadmill people don't like me looking longingly at the treadmills because they think I am looking longingly at them and that I am creepy. Well I am creepy, but I'm not looking at you. Leg weights and abs again today. Followed by a salad with goat cheese.

Reading Rainbow

2010-03-03T16:16:00.002-06:00

Well, I read baseball news.

I figured the key to running without thinking about time, or how tired I am, or the distance. READING! I forgot my iPod today (it is in my coat pocket and it is too warm for a coat today), so I stationed myself in front of the ESPN TV because it has closed captioning. Today was all about baseball. No word on the Cardinals or the Indians, but I think that might have been in the next half hour I was lifting weights.

I did not run yesterday for a number of reasons - most importantly the way my schedule lined itself out yesterday did not give me the time in between obligations. So I put it off to today, the day I opted to take off in my schedule. That's OK, I think it actually made for a better run today.

Run Distance: 3 miles
Run Time: 32:45
Other Activity: Arm weights (least favorite)
Feeling: I don't remember
Soundtrack: The gym

I think I'm going to start bringing some reading for my runs. A way to keep up on my reading for class and a way to pass the time.

Water, Water, Everywhere . . .

2010-03-01T12:15:00.002-06:00

but not a single drop to drink.

Switched up the ol' gym routine today. Switch up 1: I showed up today, not usually a Monday work outer. Switch up 2: I used the row machine - Oh, the humanity! Switch up 3: I did weights for my legs and then did some ab work.

Now? Well now I am enjoying a delightful salad I made with lettuce, spinach, walnuts, craisins, and feta. How is it that I HATE anything cranberry except craisins? I use to be able to buy a salad like this at Trader Joes. I was lamenting about that yesterday before I went to the store that I wished I could buy that salad. Then it dawned on me I could get the ingredients and make my own. The trick was remembering what was in it.

Tomorrow . . . RUNNING!

Moving Forward By Looking Back

2010-02-28T19:14:00.002-06:00

I finished my running assignment on Saturday. She runs me ragged on the tests!! She tested me before the running assignment, then again after a month, and then again a week later. It was good to keep me accountable to running - and I had a running coach for 5 weeks telling me what distances to run and what to expect. That WAS nice, but now I am on my own again. Last week, due to the testing, I wasn't running as much as I had been before (part of the thesis experiment). So to add things to my workout that were not cardio (a no-no) I started doing a little weights. It has been a long time since weights have been a part of my workout - and I could totally tell!

So now I am moving forward by using what I learned over the last five weeks. First off I am going to keep up the running! Second I am adding a day at least to the week by going 4 days a week instead of 3 (not running all days mixing up the cardio). I might end up with 5 when it is all said and done because I may do a good run on Saturdays (but we will see). I am also going to start adding weights back into the mix. It is hard, and takes a bit more time, but it is worth it! I feel so much better when I go than when I don't. I have also crafted a great iPod mix for my runs - kicking off with July Flame and in one of the hard spots I hear The Distance by Cake!

Wrapped up the weekend with some biscuits and gravy, and then I kicked Adam out so I could finish up some homework. So I guess this means I have to finish it. He has such a hard life. I make him cook for me and then make him get out. I did let him eat with me though.

July Flame

2010-02-18T12:23:00.002-06:00

Run Time: 39:30
Run Distance: 3.5
Feeling: About 2.5 miles I wasn't sure if I could do it. I was seriously considering a little bit of walking, but I know how I am once I walk - I rarely get started again and feel in the groove at all. So I stuck it out until mile 3. At mile 3 I was still thinking a walk would be good, so I just turned down the speed to 5 mph to take a break and see how I felt. I didn't feel good but I didn't walk either.
Soundtrack: I watched a little bit of Ellen on TV and then listened to a random mix of music I have right now. It was kicked off by July Flame by Laura Viers:

I don't know if this is the real video or not. I liked it . . . until the forest fire, but they all roasted marshmallows so I guess it all worked out.

The other song I love to run to (best toward the finish line, but it is the first song on the CD so I usually listen to it while warming up) is Sigur Ros's Gobbledigook:

Don't look up the real video for it . . . but now that I have told you not to, you will. But don't. Just don't.

Now leave me a lone, I have to go work on statistics! Gosh!

Pancakes

2010-02-17T11:08:00.002-06:00

Yesterday we celebrated national pancake day. I found out today that it isn't until like the 23 or something like that. That's OK, it was a good night for pancakes. I made them from scratch, no Bisquick for me. It was a lot easier than I thought it would be. Slowly, over this semester I have been getting farther and farther behind. It started with just an hour or less of work that got missed and it has been building, along with the decisions that need to be made about the impending nuptials have made me a wreck. A wreck for no reason. So last night was my national pancake day dang it, so don't mess with me.

None

2010-02-16T14:21:00.000-06:00

Running

2010-02-16T13:38:00.002-06:00

Saturday:
Run Time: 26.45
Run Distance: 2.5

Today (Tuesday)
Run Time: 33.25
Run Distance: 3

I have two more runs before my running test on Saturday. A 3.5 mile run on Thursday and then another 3 mile run on Saturday. I guess I will run before the test?? It has been good to do this right now because I HAVE to run 3 days a week or I totally screw up someones thesis. Hopefully after it is all said and done I will continue. I need to continue.

Back up

2010-02-11T11:31:00.002-06:00

I have been behind on my running reporting!

Monday:
Run time: 28min
Run distance: 2.5 miles
Feeling: good for a Monday
Soundtrack: Home Improvement (I love that treadmill on the end in the back(ish) room

Today:
Run time: 33 min
Run distance: 3 miles
Feeling: great, ran fast (for me)
Soundtrack: Sigur Ros, and some tv here and there - I was an ADD listener today

Also, new to the whole google buzz thing. Are they pretty much trying to incorporate every kind of application out there - facebook, blogging, twitter, etc? I mean I like it. I don't do facebook anymore, so with Buzz I can still let people know at all times what I am doing.

STATUS: going to take a shower

Now, isn't your day complete?

Well I Did Go Running

2010-02-07T13:46:00.002-06:00

I did not run on Friday. Not sure why, I just didn't. I figured I could run on Saturday. My plan was to get up a little early and head over to the gym before going to Tulsa to meet up with my mom. Well the gym doesn't open until 10 on Saturday. I had to leave at 10. Needless to say I got up early and went for a run outside. I was so discombobulated. I forgot what it was like to run in the cold, forgot my watch, didn't really feel like I was in any running rhythm until about the time I finished, and I didn't listen to any music so I could listen for cars (running on no shoulder is a little nerve racking for me). But I did run.

Run Distance: 2
Run Time: ???
Feeling: see above
Soundtrack: the sound of my feet on pavement rather than a treadmill

Anyway, yesterday was a big meeting between the parents and Adam and I (sans my Dad who is down in Texas). I spent most of the day saying "I don't know". I am not sure when that answer will change, but when it does I'm sure they will be the first to know.

Oh, the humanity

2010-02-03T15:22:00.003-06:00

Man, is it ever cold here right now. Snow is sticking around for a bit longer than usual, and I think we are suppose to have more on Friday.

Run Time: 5, 28, 5
Run Distance: 2.5
Feeling: good, but I forgot what it was like to run longer than about 20 minutes. Oh the days of the hour long runs I use to enjoy. Maybe someday I will be back at those (just not right now during thesis time).
Soundtrack: nothing. It was brutal. I forgot my iPod at home so I just looked outside while I ran and counted tennis balls in the pool. Why would there be tennis balls in the pool? Well because the tennis courts are right next to the pool, duh. I do enjoy watching tennis. But our players don't really play here much anymore. Any match that has been advertised has been in Tulsa or Oklahoma City. Maybe they will play more here in the spring. I can't wait.

ice . . . ing

2010-02-02T21:40:00.003-06:00

corny, i know. you never expected that from me really. sarcasm - yes, corny - not so much.

anyway, i guess every cloud (me moving away from all my friends and my favorite city) has a silver lining:

last night i said yes! well first i said maybe but only to throw him off a bit. am i mean? i didn't earn the moniker "sarcastic and single" for nothing.

Day Whatever

2010-02-01T22:40:00.004-06:00

Day Whatever:

I don't know why I put days on it other than I was trying to keep track of the running. But it's over . . . not the running the keeping track of the days, it is making me crazy.

Well big news over here - stay tuned.

Run time: 5, 22, 5

Run distance, .25, 2, .27

Feeling: Really good. I ran a good pace (for me) and felt like maybe I could have done a quicker pace. Maybe Wednesday . . . but Wednesday I have to run 2.5, so maybe Friday.

Soundtrack: I was listening to Jennifer Knapp, but I looked up and saw that they had Home Improvement on. I haven't seen that in a long time, so I plugged in and watched that. It was one of the later seasons so it wasn't as funny as the older ones, but still pretty funny. I almost laughed out loud a couple of times.

Pictures of snow:

Check

2010-01-30T12:44:00.003-06:00

Day 27:

When you go to the grocery store before a big storm you will find people buying milk, eggs, and bread. Why? I can see granola bars, dried foods, canned foods, pop tarts, even the bread - but the milk and eggs? Don't you run a chance of them going bad? I don't know. The only reason I could think of for so many people buying the milk, eggs and bread was that they all really want French Toast when there is a snow storm.

Snow Day

2010-01-29T11:52:00.003-06:00

Day 26:

Still going strong and it is just now coming to noon. Still finding it hard to believe I woke up at 7:50 and got out of bed!

It can't snow, I'm in short sleeves

2010-01-27T15:21:00.002-06:00

Hard to believe we are going to have all the ice and snow that they are calling for when it is currently 67 outside. Prediction of at least an inch of ice followed by at least 4" of snow. Some call for more. Our resident meteorologist at OSU says it is going to be much worse than being predicted by the local media. His models show something more severe. Who knows. If I keep power and don't have to go to school it is all a bonus. If I loose power and don't have to go to school it will still be good, but not my favorite thing to do.

Day 24:

Run Time: 5:00, 22:45, 5:00
Run Distance: .25, 2, .25
Feeling: I love iron, it's my favorite
Soundtrack: Margin week 2. I know we are through week 3 but I like them all. http://www.lifechurch.tv/message-archive

When I Grow Old, I Shall Wear Purple

2010-01-25T12:16:00.001-06:00

but I will retire when I say I will retire and stay retired and won't keep coming back. I'll be honest, I liked Bret Favre. I did. But I quit liking him when he left Green Bay and tried his hand in every other team that would take him. He DID have a really good season this season, but that season is finally over. Any time the Vikings played this year I rooted against them. I think a lot of people had that same feeling. Did the Saints deserve the win last night? Who knows, but the Vikings are not going to be in the Super Bowl and that makes me happy.

So, I have been absent for a few days. Why? Not really sure. Friday I found out I am anemic. That explains quite a bit. Why I am tired, why my last two weeks of running has been terrible, and why I feel like I could sleep all day everyday.

Day 22:
Run Time: 5, 17:20, 5
Run Distance: 1.5
Feeling: Better. After about 3 days of 150% of my daily supply of iron I feel better. Hoping that the feeling continues to get better. I am a part of a study being done for middle distance runners. It is starting this week.
Sound Track: The Killers, Hot Fuss. Always good to run to the Killers, those Mormons know how to sing rock.

Crazy Nights

2010-01-21T12:16:00.003-06:00

I forgot last night to post. Probably because I was asleep. I got home after my night class (only about 7:30) ate dinner and pretty much fell asleep. I don't know if it was the day or the week, or what.

Day 17:

In an effort to take a picture while walking back to my car after class I got the library. I need my camera with more functions on it to get a good picture of it I think. Or this may be the best I can do. So maybe in the future I will have more of these night ones that will turn out a little better.
Run time: none
Run distance: none
Running on Friday. I was playing with running Tuesday and Thursday with a weekend day, but I think I am going to go back to Monday, Wednesday, Friday. Who knows where I will land for sure, because I sure am hating it right now.

Welcome Back

2010-01-19T19:35:00.003-06:00

I am a bit overwhelmed today. Maybe it was the three day weekend where I did nothing school related.

Day 16:

Yesterday I went to the library to pick up a book I requested from Inter Library Loan. While I was at the library I went up to my favorite spot in the library to show my visitor the view I love so much. The view that I can not sit in front of very often or I will not get any work done. Anyway, at one of the chairs was a plain gray book with no title on it. I put it to the side. While sitting there for a bit looking at my green roof book I decided to open the cover just to see what the nondescript book was all about. It was a C.S. Lewis book. I think I'm suppose to read it.
Run time: 25 min (5, 10, 10)
Run distance: no clue, another bad treadmill day.
Feeling: I can't decide what is really up with me right now. I don't know if it is the sporadic schedule and not really knowing daily when I am going to work out and when I am going to get my studying done. I know it is all in my head.
Soundtrack: Jennifer Knapp Live. I like to think she was putting on a concert for me in the gym, but she wasn't. She was in New Mexico like 10 years ago. OK, just 3 - or maybe that is when they actually released it. She is still working on her new album. Not that I keep checking or anything.

Introductions

2010-01-18T22:30:00.000-06:00

I thought today would be as good a day as any to make an introduction.

Day 15:

Internet meet Adam, Adam meet Internet. Adam has been a fixture here in Stillwater. Addie has taken quite a liking to him as have I. Not a good picture of him, but I was shocked that Addie got up on the couch to get him to pet her. She usually sits on the floor for attention.
Run time: None
Run distance: None

Walkabout

2010-01-17T22:26:00.002-06:00

Day 14:

Run time: None
Run distance: None
Hiking today, I think about 7 miles. I was exhausted.

Saturday! Not in the Park

2010-01-16T22:18:00.000-06:00

Backdating is a beautiful thing! I had my first visitor this weekend so I didn't really spend much time on the computer.

Day 13:

Spent the day picking up my apartment and getting ready. Addie pretty much did this all day, and I did some of the day.
Spent some time deleting pictures from the rodeo last night. I probably took about 500 pictures, deleted some on the way home (too blurry, or empty shot, etc.). Then today I spent the morning/afternoon spent deleting more after looking at them on more than a small screen (more blurry, more off shots). Down to about 300 now. Still need to cut out more repeats.
Run time: None
Run distance: None

Friday At Last

2010-01-15T23:29:00.000-06:00

Not Sleeping At Last, but Friday at last. This week has really flown by and wasn't that hard. Maybe because I am only working one job right now and all the classes were focused around getting started. Two of them are suppose to last about 3 hours and each lasted a little over an hour, so that added up to more free time than I am going to have next week (if you don't count my Monday day off).

Day 12:

I did today what all good Oklahomans should do and went to a rodeo. I love the barrel racing the best. Probably because I am a girl and it is the only girl sport there. Don't see any barrel racing, much less rodeo-ing going on in this picture?
Run time: 28 min
Run distance: 1.75 mi (.25, 1, .5)
Feeling: honestly I don't remember the exact time I ran/walked overall, but I do remember I only ran one mile before calling it a day. There are several excuses I could use for that and I will list them now: I gave blood yesterday and I had a blood giving hangover. the treadmill I was on was right in front of the TV that had MTV Real World D.C. on and while I was not listening to it there was no other place too look if I didn't look at D.C. than the counter on my treadmill. I had a semi stressful morning and I was trying to fit running in between working and my class and my head was not on the class or the running but on the morning before. It was Friday. I am lazy. I ran the mile much faster than I normally run (11.1 min - slow to most humans but fast for me).
Soundtrack: Madonna Greatest Hits. I know, I am a heathen, but Papa Don't Preach she has a good beat.

Twilight

2010-01-14T14:21:00.003-06:00

Day 11:

Not only do they want my time, my knowledge, and my money, they want my blood too.

Just a blood drive, no big deal. I just hadn't given any time in the last 5 or 6 years so I thought I would get back in the habit. Last time I tried to give I had low iron - go figure. The time before that I sat there and sat there and sat there and they could never get all the blood they needed. Since those two times I have been reluctant to give. Anyway, it was quick and pretty painless AND they gave me a pink bandage. This picture is taken in the library where I was studying for a bit. Trendy carpet. I made an executive decision NOT to work on my thesis today. Doing other reading for other classes today, I will pick up tomorrow with more reading and thesis work. I need someone to teach me how to write a thesis, I have this feeling I am walking around in the woods without a trail using a broken compass to find my way. In this feeling I think my head lamp is broken too.

Running time: none
Running distance: none
Soundtrack: they were playing country at the blood drive, but I didn't bring any music today.

Wednesday

2010-01-13T20:38:00.002-06:00

Day 10:

Run time: 33 min (5, 23.5, 4.5)
Run distance: 2.5 miles (.25, 2, .25)
Feeling: I was able to run at my slower pace and bump it up a notch for about five minutes. On the treadmill again, I think I'm growing to really like it, I can control a lot of things and know at all times my pace.
Soundtrack: Craig Groeschel intro message to Margin http://www.lifechurch.tv/message-archive. A good way to spend about 30 minutes, and I was running. I don't think that is what he meant by having margin, but I'm learning.

Tire-d

2010-01-12T20:39:00.004-06:00

I got a new tire today! Always a fun when you get to buy new tires. I bought it's partner sometime in November . . . maybe, something like that. Anyway, I saved up enough for his friend. They are awesome tires. I don't know that I have ever felt that way about tires before, but I do about these.

Day 9:

Run time: None
Run distance: None
Feeling: strangely fine. Thinking about doing a few sit ups before bed for my wimpy abs. And they offer Pilates at school on Saturdays so thinking about going to that as well. If my schedule will allow I would go during the week too, but I am still waiting to see how that will all pan out.
Soundtrack: Music-less today.

Back At It

2010-01-11T16:16:00.002-06:00

Day 8:

Back to the grind today. Only one class but there is so much going on around the classes and work and thesis, gosh.
Run time: 30 min
Run distance: 2.2 (1.8 actual running)
Feeling: My pace was all off. I was running pretty well about 11-12 minute miles, but I kept feeling myself pull back. It was odd. Also didn't run treadmill and I decided I actually like the treadmill because you HAVE to run that speed or you fall off the back of the machine (done that before, don't want a repeat).
Soundtrack: Fatboy Slim album Halfway Between the Gutter and the Stars. It is alright, good to run to, but not a great CD. BUT it does have Weapon of Choice on it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sMZwZiU0kKs because it won't allow embedding for this video.

Lazy Day

2010-01-10T21:40:00.002-06:00

Today was a lazy day. Church yesterday, no work today, just nothing really going on. Tomorrow is school again. I was not nervous starting school last semester, but for some reason I am this time. Maybe it is the fewer hours and thought that I will use that spare time on my thesis, and knowing the way that I sometimes operate (as evidence from this last break) that I won't get done what I want to get done this semester. I do think though, that as I get more and more direction when it comes to my thesis that I will be able to work better because I will be writing and experimenting not just reading.

Day 7:

Much warmer today. 40 felt down right balmy compared to the last weeks. I took this picture after dark and it was still 36! That, my friends, is amazing.

Run time: None

Run distance: None

You Sunk My Battleship

2010-01-10T01:11:00.003-06:00

Tonight was the premiere night of Battleship. A game of strategery and mayhem.

Day 6:

Tonight was also the kickoff for a series at my church called Margin. I think it is going to be a really great series with the potential to really get people thinking about how we live our lives in this day and age and how, maybe, we can change. http://www.lifechurch.tv/current-series

Run time: None
Run distance: None

$75? For That?

2010-01-08T14:35:00.006-06:00

First off - go here: 1979 Electronics Show

Day 5:

Wishing I had on more layers, or maybe that I was in bed covered with two blankets laying on top of my heated throw (I'm old, I use it to make my back feel like a million bucks). Haven't really cracked the 30 mark all week and the cold front that is sweeping the nation set us back into the teens in the day and near 0 at night. Then there is the wind. OH THE HUMANITY! And you know the wind here just sweeps down the plains.
Run time: 30 min
Run distance: 2.2 miles
Feeling: not as good as Wednesday, but loving the way my body feels when it is running. We will see how long that lasts before I am giving the running bee (the one in my bonnet) the boot.
Soundtrack: Stavesacre, Album: Bull Takes Fighter EP. Man they are looking old and not so alternative anymore. Short so I got to listen to it twice. Driving beat helped me to stay on track when all the TVs around me were showing replay after replay of the Colt McCoy hit.

Another Day

2010-01-07T23:57:00.002-06:00

Day 4:

Run time: None
Run distance: None

So Much To Say, So Much To Say, So Much To Say, So Much To Say

2010-01-06T22:26:00.004-06:00

So many pictures could commemorate my day today. I started off by taking pictures of one of the cats at work. I was silly and thought that would be the most momentous thing.Well it was NOT! What followed next can only be called an adventure because each event was beaten by the following event in craziness.

First I made only the worst Pad Thai ever made. This, was not totally my fault. It was much better than the meal yesterday - but as with all experiments in the new rice cooker not all of them will be dead on the first time out of the gate. This time there were too many noodles so not enough liquid . . . and the list goes on from there. The bonus? I got a toy for my trouble.

Oh, but it doesn't stop there. We have been on the hunt for a Battleship game to play. Do you think we can find the Battleship we grew up with in the store? Heck no! They remade the game so now it looks weird and we don't even want to try and play it. The internet has everything, so we started a search. But then Addie had other plans for me. Instead of looking up the game (which, by the way is at a friend's house so we are going to get it in the next few days) I was cleaning up this . . . well I did take a picture but I figured I would spare you. She didn't just throw up a little she threw up a lot. Thankfully I have a lot of rice on hand!

Day 3:

Back to the gym. Many more people there today, must mean school is getting closer!
Run time: 30 min (5, 20, 5)
Run distance: 2.2 miles (0.2, 1.7, 0.3)
Feeling: I felt much better today about the decision to start running again. It just felt right to be running (even if it was on a treadmill). I am still sore, and I am feeling discomfort in my foot so I am watching that, but overall it was good. I was able to keep up a fairly good pace during my 20 minute run part instead of having to back down like Monday.
Listening to: Sigur Rios, Album: Med sud i eyrum vid spilum endalaust. The first 5 songs on the album are really the key to a good run. Seriously! Instead of thinking about the running I was wondering what they are saying. Band history here.

Going Through the Phases

2010-01-05T22:31:00.004-06:00

Phase 10 that is. That is one of my phase wins . . . no wait, I did get the phase but I lost the hand.

You might wonder what a woman like me does during her last week off before school starts back up. Well she might work on her thesis so she doesn't have to work so hard on it during the semester, or she might get in some extra fun reading in, or maybe she would even get up early and get some of her Christmas presents sent out that she hasn't mailed yet, or maybe her thank you cards out . . . this particular woman did none of those things today. As a mater of fact I did none of those things. I slept in until about 11 (not the record for this break though), worked on cleaning up my office and room, then I made one of the worst dinners on record and kicked booty on Phase 10 (for the first time ever to play, thank you very much). I did have a good teacher though and that makes the difference.

Day 2:

Found my 3-D glasses from when we went to see "Avatar" before Christmas. They are the best! They look cool and they are so functional . . . if you are in a theater where you need 3-D glasses to see the show.
Run time: None, doing an every other day thing for now. Thinking about going to the gym on the off days and doing weights. I haven't done that in a few years.
Run distance: Unless you count the number of steps I took from my office to the living room all day there isn't any.
Feeling: SORE! I forgot this phase of getting back into it all. I woke up this morning and my abs even hurt. That means I have some wimpy abs.

On The Road Again

2010-01-04T16:17:00.003-06:00

As you know I am constantly dissatisfied with my blog. I write too much, not enough, talk too much on a video blog, don't really have anything to say and end up rambling . . . whatever I have said it all. Along with that dissatisfaction comes changes to the overall blog. So, if you see changes over the next couple of days just know it is all apart of the natural ebb and flow of my brain typed out on the internet machine.

Day 1:

Said "hello" to a couple of old friends that I have kept in the dark for a month or two

Run time: 30 minutes (5 warm up, 20 run, 5 cool down)

Run distance: 2.10 (.20 warm up, 1.60 run, .30 cool down)

Feeling: Good! I wanted to run a bit more, but I thought maybe since I have slacked off for so long it would be best to ramp things up slowly. Looking for a 5K to run in the spring and MAYBE I will get the guts to sign up for the Tulsa run in October. My original plans when I moved of running the OKC Memorial Marathon in April are long gone.

New York, New York

2009-12-16T13:02:00.001-06:00

Blogging - Despair.com

2009-12-14T11:33:00.001-06:00

Hair today, gone tomorrow

2009-11-29T12:41:00.007-06:00

So yesterday I promised you a Thanksgiving wrap up and some big news. Being that the news is HUGE I will keep that for last and you can scroll down if you want to jump ahead.

Thanksgiving was great! Turkey and mash potatoes for everyone! If you know me well you know I love mashed potatoes. Love them so much that I will risk my health to eat them. Doesn't that sound so dramatic? Really I don't risk my health to eat them, but they are really on the "do not eat" list I made earlier this year when I was battling my elbow trouble. Now that I don't punish my body everyday by simply going to work I don't have the elbow trouble so, in turn, I ate mashed potatoes. Did I mention they are my favorite . . . well that and deviled eggs - and I had plenty of those as well. Got to see my family and spend a couple of days with them, and was also able to introduce them to a friend of mine that they have been wanting to meet. I am very thankful for my family (those I saw and those I didn't get to see) mostly because they have and still are there for me every step of the way, no matter what crazy decisions I make. So it is just good to spend some time with them.

So the BIG NEWS! I got my hairs cut. All of them. I went from this:

To this:

Not really, I did this:
There are times where I wish I had the guts to do the other picture, mainly because I think Sigourney Weaver is so cool in the Alien movies. But I don't think I can pull it off. Anyway all that hair went to Locks of Love. Took me 18 months to grow it and in the last month or two it really hasn't grown at all, so I think 10" is my limit. As you know, I don't really care about my hair. Never have. Hair is just that, hair. It will grow back . . . unless you are a bald man and in that case if you've got it flaunt it, in my opinion. But I did have some anxiety when she took that first cut on Friday. At that point there was no going back unless I wanted to have half my head short and half long. I haven't quite decided if I like it or not - but it is growing on me (pun intended). I do use a lot less shampoo and it dries so much quicker.

So that's the big news. And you thought it was going to be something cooler. In my life there is nothing cooler. But I did spare you from a video blog, and that is a calendar day.

Tidings

2009-11-28T23:35:00.001-06:00

This is really just to tide you over while you wait for my Thanksgiving recap. BIG announcement coming in the coming episode. Also, I may not video blog . . . the rambling, oh the humanity!

I think I have decided I just really like to hear myself talk

2009-11-17T13:59:00.001-06:00

A Little Bit Country

2009-11-08T15:18:00.003-06:00

For reasons I'm not going to get into in this particular post, I have started to listen to more country music. I enjoy Taylor Swift, all be it she sings a lot about high school stuff (maybe because she just started high school . . . I kid, she just finished). Anyway, I didn't catch her on SNL, but I did get to see some highlights. While I wanted her to totally call out Kanye, at the same time I didn't, I wanted her to be the bigger person. But that didn't detract from the fact I wanted her to call him out. So I think she toook the right road on this one . . . walking down the middle of the two.

Addie Speaks Out

2009-11-08T11:31:00.001-06:00

Hot off the presses

2009-10-25T22:18:00.003-05:00

And no, the rice didn't work out. That wonderful smell suddenly turned out to be like 1,000, 103 cigarettes in about .5 seconds.

Relationship

2009-10-07T09:06:00.000-05:00

Can any one else relate? Or is this just me?

Marathon (Wo)man

2009-10-06T23:25:00.001-05:00

Breaking Point

2009-10-06T15:28:00.001-05:00

I took a break from Sleeping At Last to listen to Owl City. Got a post today on Facebook that Sleeping At Last has a new video out - so now I am breaking from Owl City to listen to Sleeping At Last:

http://www.purevolume.com/sleepingatlast/videos/86443/Green+Screens

My New Pad

2009-10-04T22:33:00.000-05:00

Figured out some video stuff. Huzzah for me!

Miracle

2009-10-03T11:46:00.001-05:00

I forgot about this movie. Now I have to go watch it.

Are there wires touching that aren't supose to?

2009-09-28T17:12:00.002-05:00

This is one of those times when I think there is something terribly wrong with me. I don't mean physically (though there are some arguments there but I won't go into that right now), I mean mentally. I just took a test in about 15 minutes - the rest of the class is still going strong 20 minutes later. It was a full 10 minutes before the second person turned the test in. Was it hard and I didn't know it? Did I read the questions wrong? Did I not figure the probability of getting just the grade I wanted? The kicker - I took it TWICE before turning it in because it really only took me about 7 minutes. I got to the end of the test and I thought maybe that I missed something - didn't. OH!!!, and I counted all those I'm pretty sure I got right vs. those wrong (4 pts for every right answer, -2 for all wrong, 0 for any unanswered) to make sure I wasn't going to fail the test. And here I sit. 3 of us are done and we have to wait for the class to start (3 hour class - test plus two hours of lecture to come). Same thing on my statistics test last week. Took me almost the whole class time, but I was one of the first 6 to turn it in, and I would bet he was having to pick up tests from people who were not done when time was up. Ecology - similar too. I have never been one that can sit and think about it all day long, if I don't know the answer I have to move on or I freak myself out. If I do know the answer then I have to move on or I will talk myself out of that answer and then I am just a mess. The weird thing is I am a terrible test taker, and I think I have developed this speed process to help me. Does it help, or is it hurting me.

I have been blogging a lot lately about my time here. What? You haven't seen any blogs in over a week? Well that is because they are videos that never got on the site because they don't work right. The picture and the sound don't match and it is driving me crazy. So, you don't have videos, you are glad, I am sad, and so I haven't written because I have about 5 videos on my hardrive that won't load. I may make it through the semester, but it is touch and go most days. I'm trying to remember that I was not thrown in the deep end just so God could watch me drown, he put me here and is treading water next to me helping me keep my head above water.

Still have 20 minutes left on the test, 5 are finished (including me) 4 still left. I hope they get done in time. What are they doing?

Mystery blogger: Wants vs. Needs . . . go!

HA!!!

2009-09-17T09:13:00.000-05:00

Evolution

2009-09-15T14:22:00.002-05:00

I have been studying the last couple of days for my Ecology test that is coming up tomorrow. My time doesn't really seem to be my own anymore, and what free time I do have I don't spend by myself, so the time I spend studying I want to be doing anything but . . . but I digress (those are all things I am working out and getting more successful by the day).

So in Ecology there is big talk about evolution. While I agree with the idea that evolution happens over time in all organisms (like invertebrates that have adapted to the higher concentrations of Iron and Zinc in creeks where that is a high runoff pollution) I don't agree with the idea put best by Dr. Frankenstein:

"From that fateful day when stinking bits of slime first crawled from the
sea and shouted to the cold stars, 'I am man.', our greatest dread has always
been the knowledge of our mortality."
-Young Frankenstein (1974)

We even watch the Planet Earth videos in class. They are magnificent. Showing how everything works together. How each degree of temperature effects migration, food foraging, and mating. How could that be an accident? Just my short rant for the day.

The other rant being, I made a video last week that truly captured the moment and it won't load correctly. I have tried several times on several different days on several different video presentation websites with no success. Truly a classic that will not be seen, and that makes me upset.

narcissist

2009-09-08T16:13:00.001-05:00

It was determined yesterday that I was a narcissist. It is a badge I wear proudly . . . judging from the rambling video I made yesterday.

Prayers for the People #2

2009-09-07T11:40:00.002-05:00

That I would live my life from an eternal perspective.

This topic was hard to nail down with Brother Lawrence, mostly because that is basically the theme of his ENTIRE book. The idea of practicing the presence of God boils down to living the here and now not thinking so much about the here and now, but focusing on God and what he wants to accomplish through us here and forever. Paul also speaks from an eternal perspective in Philippians 1:18-26. While in prison he was writing the people of Philippi asking for prayer as well as telling them about the hope he has in the future.

So here are some of the highlights on the idea of an eternal perspective from Brother Lawrence:

He (Brother Lawrence) showed ups how, at any moment and in any circumstance, the soul that seeks God may find Him, and practice the presence of God.
That he expected hereafter some great pain of body or mind; that the worst that could happen to him was to lose that sense of God which he had enjoyed so long. But that the goodness of God assured him he would not forsake Him utterly . . . and therefore he feared nothing.
And it was observed that in the greatest hurry of business in the kitchen, he still preserved his recollection and heavenly-mindedness.
"Let us think often that our only business in this life is to please God, and that all besides is but folly and vanity."
". . . offer to God a sacrifice of perfect worship in this life, as we hope to do through eternity."

While reading on this I did a quick Google search (they are everywhere) of Eternal Perspective. I found this link: http://bradbeaman.wordpress.com/2007/09/27/how-to-keep-an-eternal-perspective/ . It was a good article about the Philippians verse, going in great detail about it's message, as well as a look at a few quotes from Jim Elliott.

I'm Still Jenny From The Block

2009-09-04T12:15:00.001-05:00

There are several aspects to this move that have been life changing for me. I mean, all moves are change right? Even when I moved from one house with one roommate to another house with two there were major changes that took effect.

In the midst of small changes, like address, and Skyping, and dog walking, there have been some huge changes like friends, overall location, and school. But I'm still Jenny from the block. No matter where I go I know where I came from.

The major change I want to talk about today is the change of school. Why? Well because it is a HUGE change.

Reading. I have never had to do this much reading in my life. OK, it was always assigned, but no one cared if you read it or not. Now they do. Not only do they want you to read it, they want you to remember what you read and be able to debate it/and or critique it regularly. I know, I should have been doing that in my undergrad, but when you are reading the history of landscape architecture, you just need dates and names - skimming is completely possible. Understanding complex concepts, laws, and ecological regulations . . . oh, and reading all the pros and cons on environmental policy, or terms; that is what is taking the time. And when was the last time you read a statistics book? A show of hands? That is what I thought. Just try to read that in the library without falling asleep and drooling all over page 13.
Homework. Homework is not new. I spent my fair share of time in the studio working on projects during my undergrad. I also spent quite a bit of time sitting at home working on papers, etc. But this homework is different, it is the reading (see 1) and it may not be due until the end of the semester. Or, my favorite, you are given statistics homework - but instead of just having to do the problems you get to write little essays about every problem. Why you came up with that answer, why it is important, and what it is used for. AND, while you are at it, why don't you teach yourself a statistical program to help do the work for you. What? You mean you don't know dos? Well I guess you will have to read this manual to help find some obscure command.
Thinking outside the box. For those of you who actually know me, I am an in the box thinker. I go with what works. Here that is thrown out the window. No one tells you what to write about, they just want you to write. And the goals! Oh the goals. What are your goals? What are you going to do to achieve your goals? What are the goals of your goals? If your goals met and fell in love what kind of goal children would they have?
Knowing how to cut through the BS. I don't have that one figured out yet. But my Issues in Environmental Sustainability class is full of it. Books upon books of people talking with an agenda. EVERYONE has an agenda. But what are the facts? Well you have to cut through all the rhetoric to find them. How do you do that in a piece that is totally slanted one way that they are using their bias to hide the facts. It is like the last presidential election all over again. At least my professor wants to hear all sides, and give validity to each argument. After all, that is how we learn and grow from one another. I just wish more people felt that way instead of automatically telling me I was wrong after voicing my opinion instead of listening to it, taking from it what is valid and moving on. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!
Avoidance. I am an avoid-er (I realize this is really BIG NEWS). The more difficult it becomes the less I want to work on it. So after an hour of statistics (during my 3 hour statistics marathon) where the teacher starts to sound like he is not speaking English, I shut down. I think about my day, my friends, my other homework, or the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow? African or European, I don't care. I also spend vast amounts of time thinking about the woods, playing with my dog, reading Aldo Leopold, and blogging (as evidence of the 2 video posts . . . 3 if you count the trashed one). The daily crossword has been reintroduced at my peril.

What is sustainable for me? That has been a big topic in my Environmental Sustainability class (obviously). But it means more than just for the environment, or for our lives, but for you in this time of life. Getting all A's and being at the top of the class and working my life away on a thesis is not sustainable for me. I can't go without friends, or time to just sit and stare off into space, or go and be with God (both in church and out), or sit in the woods and contemplate Aldo Leopold's ideas about nature and Psalm 104. So is sustainability getting B's, seeing friends, and blogging every once and awhile? Is it taking this many hours at a time? Sustainability, something to think about.

Vimeo is my new friend

2009-09-02T15:08:00.002-05:00

For now Vimeo is my new friend. They were able to upload a video correctly today so for now they are my player of choice. I tend to look at Vimeo as being for more serious video people, but I figured they might have room for a hack like me.

First Vimeo from Katie Morgan on Vimeo.

Katie is irritated

2009-09-02T12:40:00.004-05:00

I am irritated. Irritated because I have done a post or two and they won't load correctly. I did a video blog last night that will not load. It is in sync on my computer, but when I upload it it is all out of whack. So, lucky you, you don't have to watch me bumble around again. If I ever get it figured out I'm sure I will be posting them. Mostly because I blog more when I do the videos because it is easier to hit record to talk about what is going on than to sit down and write. I'm sure after a time it would be back to how it is with the written postings and I would put too much thought into them and then they don't get written because I feel like I have to have a topic or theme or be funny or be serious . . . something.

So things here are going alright for now. I am a bit overwhelmed by my statistics class. I had an hour long rant about it last night. I'm sure my new friends are really excited to have me here when I do things like that. Oh, and some of the old because it will trickle down to them too. I have more to say about masters programs (or at least my masters program) in a later post. I know how promises go with me, so it is all up in the air.

My mind is full, but I will be running later tonight so that will help. Monday was like a breath of fresh air for my soul when I went running after class. It sustained me until about 7:30 last night when I was in the middle of my statistics class. When it sounded like a foreign language I knew I had pretty much reached the end of my sustainability.

Let's Go to the Movies

2009-09-01T13:51:00.002-05:00

It's really no secret, I love me some movies. In the past year that has changed some. I still love movies, but I just don't take them so seriously. It is ok not to like one, and it is ok that someone else might not want to watch it. Right now I have little time for movies, but that is alright too. Anyway, a friend of mine sent me this and I decided to share. It is a great look at how far movies have really come. I got a good dose of movie history a few years back, but this was a good reminder. The music is fun too.

none

2009-08-31T16:05:00.002-05:00

no title today. mostly because i am just lazy, probably won't spell check or take the time to press the shift key either. i have a class that starts in 25 minutes so i thought i would take a bit of time and write to you.

i don't know about you, but my video made me laugh . . . out loud. not because it was funny, or i am funny, but because i learned so much about myself. i guess i saw what everyone else sees when they talk to me - and that was hilarious. i have always known i don't stay on topic, and i jump around a lot, but what i didn't realize about myself are the little asides that i do on a regular basis. i have caught myself doing it since then, so that means i have been doing it a lot. someone even told me that they just like standing next to me to listen to the asides i give that i think no one hears. i guess i thought i was thinking them - apparently i was doing more than just thinking them.

long weekend behind me now. just have to make it through these next 4 and some change days to get to a three day weekend. i'm hoping to have it together enough to take at least one of those days and do no school work. i think at least a hike is in order, if not a full on overnight camping trip.

i got to the bottom of my tired state. well i have narrowed it down to one or more of the following factors:

no running in 16 days (hopefully fixing that by joining the running club)
eating out more, and eating more processed foods again
depression (change does that to me)
stress

my lack of time that i spend studying is my own fault. the problem is that i really don't want to limit the time i am spending on other things. i will have to start saying no, and that is always a problem, especially when i am trying to make new friends.

i have been doing quite a bit of reading for my issues in environmental sustainability class and i have one question: how to you cut through all the B.S.? everyone in this world has an agenda. so how to you learn to figure out the difference between their agenda and the facts? i'm still trying to figure that one out, mostly because i don't like agendas which is why i stay out of debates and remain neutral. maybe the ignorance was bliss for me, and now i am going to have to start making some decisions.

truck is in the shop again. 3rd time in 3 weeks. it is exciting for me to have these problems right now. but i have it easy compared to some people i know right now. and to them i say: keep after it, i'm behind you praying because that is the only thing i know how to do, and even that i don't do very well.

Lord I Was Born A Ramblin' (wo)Man

2009-08-28T08:30:00.004-05:00

When I said the strip in St. Louis I meant Stillwater. I do that a lot, interchange the two. Probably because I forget where I am a lot.

Prayers for the People: #1

2009-08-16T19:12:00.004-05:00

That I would love God more and myself less

I don't know about you, but this screams John 3:30 right after John the Baptist says he is not the Christ but, "He (meaning Jesus) must become greater; I must become less." Shouldn't that really be our goal as followers, to become less? I love God quite a bit. But I don't know that I can say that I love Him more than myself. I am usually putting what I want in front of what He wants. In the end that usually puts me in a bad spot, and He always comes through for me somehow, and then the cycle starts all over again.

Brother Lawrence has a lot to say about loving God more than yourself. I mean, the guy embodied the idea of constantly living in the presence of God. As a cook he prayed this:

"Lord of all posts and pans and things . . .
Make me a saint by getting meals
And washing up the plates!"

This guy was serious about living his life for God and with God. There are over 13 places in his book (so he didn't write all of it, most was written by people after they talked to him, or worked with him) where he talks about the love he has for God and how that makes everything else in life pale in comparison. I am just going to pick a few:

He (Brother Lawrence) had always been governed by love, without selfish views; and that having resolved to make the love of God the end of all his actions, he had found reasons to be well satisfied with his method.
Our only business was to love and delight ourselves in God.
I renounced, for the love of Him, everything that was not He, and I began to live as if there was none but He and I in the world.
Believe me, count as lost each day you have not used in loving God.

He was pretty serious about his love of God. How often do I look at loving God as the goal, or the end, of my actions and day? Here we go with the cycle again.

Prayers for the People: Intro

2009-08-16T18:29:00.002-05:00

I have returned to the heart land, if that is what you want to call Oklahoma. You know what? The rumors are true, they are all cowboys down here. Well not everyone, but there are quite a few. I have seen a lot of cowboy boots, belt buckles, and cowboy hats . . . and I guess that makes me feel right at home.

I am starting a small series called Prayers for the People - the title being a rip off of the card given to me as I walked into church last Sunday. There are 7 prayers, so there will be 7 entries. I may get them done soon, or it may be Christmas before they are all finished - I don't know.

In Ephesians chapter 1, Paul talks about his prayers for the people of Ephesus:

"For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your
love for all the saints, I have not stopped giving thanks for you,
remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord
Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and
revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your
heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has
called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his
incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of
his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the
dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule
and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only
in the present age but also in the one to come. And God placed all things under
his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is
his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way."

From that leader's prayer, the pastor of my (like how I say my church as if I have been going there for years) church decided that they would pray 7 things for the people:

That we would love God more and ourselves less.
That we would live our lives from an eternal perspective.
That we would recognize the difference between soothing our consciences by doing good works and honoring God through sacrificial obedience
That we would model authentic Jesus-centered community that would inspire others to want to be a part of us.
That we would never be satisfied where our lives are but pursue God's vision of what our lives could be.
That we would eagerly embrace the truth, regardless of the cost
Though all of these actions are encouraged and expected, we would never manipulate or manufacture discipleship or good works; rather they would flow naturally from our transformed hearts as we submit to and rely on the Spirit.

I approached this the way I approach anything - with a formula, or trying to look at it with a step by step plan. What I quickly learned (actually already knew) is that you can't approach something like this with a formula. For some reason God doesn't fit into my formulas. So, I need to read the Bible and I wanted to re-read The Practice of the Presence of God with Spiritual Marxisms by Brother Lawrence. So by using verses and thoughts from Brother Lawrence I will come up with each entry. Still too formula, but it works for now. The entries may be bullet lists, they may be actual paragraphs (maybe even 5 paragraph essay style), or they may be a mixture of the two - I haven't thought that far ahead.

I Know . . .

2009-08-15T20:18:00.002-05:00

I know that I say a lot of things, things that I will do on my blog or in life and then rarely follow up on them. Anyone remember the unfinished blog entries I was going to finish? They still aren't finished. As a mater of fact, I went through a few weeks ago and deleted them. I did that because I didn't want it hanging over me any more, so I got rid of them. Don't like how I operate? Well, neither do I sometimes.

Anyway, Flickr has been updated! I told you I would, and as you know I always do what I say I'm going to do . . . wait a minute.

Also, the first of seven blogs about something I heard at church last week is coming up. Did you ever doubt? As for the rest of the seven I think they will be harder than the first. The first was pretty much a gimme and the rest are a little harder. Anyway, that is coming up too.

As for my life here in Stillwater, what can I really say. It is hot, I dislike running alone, I have my dog back, I start work tomorrow for a few hours, school starts Monday, and all my parental units have officially been here to wish me well. After my dad left today I got sad again remembering that I am basically here alone. I am making friends . . . well one friend, but that is all I'm going to say about that.

School Daze

2009-08-11T14:05:00.002-05:00

I haven't really posted or added any photos to my Flickr account recently. Mostly because I have been in transition for a few weeks. Before the move I had cables in boxes and things in disarray. Now the excuse is there is no internet at my apartment and . . . things are in disarray. Hopefully the internet problem will be solved on Friday (sometime between the hours of 8:00am and 8:00pm - what a window, thank you AT&T).

I have been working on a series of blog posts about something that I heard at church on Sunday. At this point it will take 7 weeks to complete it all due to the way I am approaching it. I don't claim that they will be brilliant, probably more bulleted lists of some thoughts about the 7 topics covered on Sunday. Started #1 yesterday afternoon before the AWESOME STORM that ripped through Stillwater. After finishing I was without power for about 3 hours - no packing happened during the outage . . . I use a lot of excuses.

Got my class schedule all figured out finally. Unfortunately the other class I have enrolled in only has an open section at night. So on Tuesday from 6:45 to 9:60 I will be taking Statistical Methods (grad level stat). I don't remember undergrad level stat, so I'm not sure how this is all going to work out. I officially start working on Thursday . . . I may try to bump that up to Wednesday due to my Friday marathon of internet waiting. Everything is shaping up to be . . . interesting. Still not sure how it is all going to work out time, money, and mentally - but it will.

This looks like fun

2009-07-18T20:39:00.001-05:00

Identity

2009-07-18T19:57:00.001-05:00

This is going to sound rather odd coming from me, but I think I am in the middle of an identity crisis. More than sounding odd, it sounds melodramatic.

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the
new has come! 2 Cor 5:17

You would think that my identity crisis had something to do with becoming a student in about a month, or the fact that I'm uprooting from Missouri to become an Oklahoman again - but it doesn't. It has to do with what I do with my free time. Yea, that is what I said, my free time.

First there is this whole movie person I am . . . or was. The last movie I saw was Get Smart, it was late June just a week or two before my fast. The next movie I saw was Julie and Julia (pre-release) on Thursday. My guess is that there were around 384 days in between those two. I saw them both in a theater, the same theater to be exact. Nothing in the physical setting changed, the seats were the same, the smell was the same, the popcorn was the same. Get Smart was fine. Not the best movie to send me off on my journey, and not worth the $7, but whatever. Julie and Julia was great. Good acting, good stories, great way they wove the two lives together, worth $7 (even though I didn't pay it) . . . but I walked away a little distracted. Pride told me to keep going with the no movies and TV thing for as long as I could. Keep up the intrigue that it brings when you tell people what you are doing (or in my case not doing). But I found that I really don't care one way or another if I watch a movie or not. So what does that even mean? I don't care? Since when do I not CARE ABOUT THAT? Before last year I was doing this thing to do a little detox (or at least that is what I told myself). I actually did it to be different, to give people something to balk at. what I didn't expect was to be sitting in my car after my first movie in a year wondering why I didn't really care that I saw it or not. I loved the movie, I just felt it was so temporary. Temporary? The word temporary actually crossed my mind. While a year ago I would have waited on pins and needles waiting for it to come out on DVD so I could add it to my ever growing DVD collection (which now only has about 10 movies in it . . . 120 ish down to 10). Last July The Dark Knight came out. To refresh your memory I actually considered putting off my last year's journey until AFTER this movie came out simply because I wanted to see it so badly. I had been wanting to see it since January and was bummed when they pushed back the release date, and was beside myself wondering what would become of me, the only person on the planet who didn't see it. I know that there are hundreds of thousands of people who didn't see it, but in my world (where I am the center) there was really only one other person I knew that didn't watch it. I had to endure two months of hype by friends, and acquaintances as they talked about the movie, asked me if I saw it, and when I said, "no," listen as they went on to tell me I JUST HAD TO SEE IT! After a bit of that I forgot the movie even came out. I FORGOT IT EVEN EXISTED? Now I am in turmoil. I know what I will be getting myself into when I watch it. I know it will be over the top evil, and probably over the top awesome . . . but I can't say I will see it. And to me that is a bit of a loss, but also SO TEMPORARY. I still can't believe I am using the word temporary.

Second way I am struggling with my identity is this whole running thing. I once said I would never be a runner. You can quote me on that because I posted it right here a year or so ago. March of 2008 to be exact. No, I love running. I'm not good at it, but the more I run the better I get. I have improved from terrible to bad. My identity problem? I'm a runner! When? Why? The other day I found myself saying I ran an easy 2 miles! I don't ever really expect to win any races. I know by saying that that I will never win any races and I should just focus on doing the best I can do, and if the wind is blowing just right I will be in place to take it. (paraphrase of Bill Bowerman). Another identity problem I have with running is that to this point I have been a runner with someone else. Someone else who has pushed me to run faster, run farther, and actually show up to run. This week I have been solo. It went fine the first run. It hasn't gone so well the last two. I think it may have something to do with an injury I think is creeping up on me (but if I don't give it credence then it WILL NOT EXIST!), but I know part of it is the lack of another body running in time with me. I can't look out of the corner of my eye and watch them slow down to stay with me - in turn making me speed up to stay with them. I look out of the corner of my eye and see gravel. I know I will probably find someone to run with again - at least sometimes, but it won't be the same. Yes, I do have a case of PMS (Poor Me Syndrome). The last identity problem - what if I don't continue running after I move. I think I will loose a bit of myself if I don't. Running is a good leveler of emotions, problems, and issues. Heaven only knows that I am entering emotions, problems, and issues. I find myself going to bed at night thinking, "I should take a little run to calm myself down." Sometimes I do. Most times I don't, but what will I do if I don't go running - somehow drinking doesn't seem like a suitable alternative.

So there you have it, my identity crisis. Is it counselor worthy? Nope. But just getting it out of my head and on paper makes it manageable. Why did I open with a verse? Because I think all of these changes are happening because I have made myself open to changing from the One who can actually do the changing.

I think I will go out for a little jog now, to stretch out before my race tomorrow. Who knows, I just might finish well. By the way, my number is 99 (and I just talked about Get Smart).

Out of the Woods

2009-07-11T15:43:00.002-05:00

If you are reading this from my actual blog page you may have noticed some changes going on here at Sarcastic and Single (or Where is my Couch depending on when you joined us). One thing is, it is no longer black and EMO (not my words). Let's be honest, when I started out last year I was EMO - now that that has been cleared up let's move on. So starting off this year I changed things up a bit. New header, new colors, and new writers (OK, that started before). The Flicker bar stays the same and so far I haven't thought of anything worthy enough for a poll. And just to clear some things up, I didn't write the last two posts. They are WAY too good to be from me.

So, the new title (for now) states, "you are never really out of the woods." Depending on how you look at that it could be a glass half empty, a glass half full sort of thing. How do I want you to look at it? I don't really care. What attitude did I use when writing it? I don't really know. I guess my attitude was ambiguous. Let's look at both sides shall we? We shall.

Glass Half Empty:
The term "out of the woods" is defined by GoEnglish.com as: when you emerge safely (out of danger) after a difficult time we say that you are "out of the woods." So my banner might be saying you are never really out of danger. You are always on the verge of something bad, even if you just go out of the previous down time. But really, isn't that how life really is sometimes. I'm not talking about this in a bad way, I'm just saying even when the chips are down you have to find the joy, but you aren't really out of the woods.

Glass Half Full:
I really like the woods. And I think a part of me stays there. The woods give me something to look forward to, and something to remember. So in a sense the optimistic way of looking at it would be to say - I may not be in the woods at this very moment, but remember that time I was, and can you even wait until we go again?

You decide how you want to look at it. I look at it and see something beautiful, ambiguous, and full of thought. Kind of like me.

An Elegant Sufficiency: Part Two

2009-07-08T09:49:00.001-05:00

I have a confession to make. I don’t really believe that the Bible is true. I do believe that it is the inspired word of God, that it is all truth, but I don’t really believe it. Throughout my life, God has often impressed on my Jeremiah 29:11: “’For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’” Now, I’ve gone to church my whole life. I’ve believed that God is all-powerful and can do anything. Yet somehow I have a hard time believing that this includes my life. Does God really mean it when He says that He loves me? Do I really believe that His plans are good, even if they don’t meet my timetable? Surely all this delayed gratification means that he has forgotten? Yet I’m starting to get the sneaking suspicion that most of the troubles I go through in life are meant to show me that God is trustworthy and good, because He hasn’t failed me yet. So why should I fret about being one-half of a couple or just one? As Paul so succinctly states in the Message version of 1 Corinthians 7:17, “Where you are right now is God's place for you. Live and obey and love and believe right there. God, not your marital status, defines your life.” That doesn’t even remotely smell like desperation.

I’m also fairly certain that marriage is not, as it says in the Ingrid Michaelson song, about putting “the lonely on the shelf.” I have noticed over the years that my married friends still feel out of place, discontent, and even lonely at times, just like they did before they got married, and just like I do now. Maybe it’s not as sharp if you’re with someone else, I don’t really know, but that loneliness is still mine alone to deal with. Because no person can fill that aching core of my soul that reminds me that I am not yet whole, that my home is somewhere else, and I cannot yet know and love perfectly the One who loves me best. If I really get honest with myself, I think I would freak out if that painful longing went away, anyway. Sometimes it’s the most tangible proof of God’s existence in my life, and I’m suspicious that I’d be lost without it.

Everything became clear in one instant, just the other day. I overheard a conversation between a mother and her young son. She had accidentally grabbed two packets of coloring pages when she only wanted one. “Why can’t we have both?” her son asked. She paused for a moment, then stated “Because I believe that one is an elegant sufficiency.” Everything clicked in my mind at once. An elegant sufficiency! What a lovely phrase! “No longer,” I declared in my head, “will I be known by a term that smacks of desperation and/or lack! I will not be single! With Christ, I am an elegant sufficiency!” After all, “my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus (Phil 4:19).” I’m pretty sure that means that God will supply everything. It doesn’t mean that I don’t need or want other people in my life, it says that I am confident that God is with me and sovereign at this moment in my life, and it is good. Am I still tempted to whine? Heck yes! Do I still want to get married? Yes, but only if and when God chooses. I would encourage you to start looking to see what sort of provisions God has made for your elegant sufficiency, wherever you are in life, instead of pining away over what you think you lack. You might be surprised by what you find.

An Elegant Sufficiency: Part One

2009-07-07T10:51:00.000-05:00

I never really categorized myself as a single until I was in my late 20’s. I mean, I certainly wasn’t married, and didn’t even date all that much, but I never felt single. Singleness, I always assumed, meant that you were lacking something in your life and therefore were not complete. I had no spouse; therefore I should have been pining away with longing for someone, right? But I didn’t pine. I was fine being where I was in life, and was in no rush to tie the knot. Therefore I was just me. Yeah, I was unmarried, but I wasn’t single.

When I hit the latter part of my 20’s, I started thinking that it was possible that life could be more enjoyable if I had someone to serve and share it with. Since all my friends were married or spread out all over the world, it naturally led me to realize that marriage can be a building block for community. I mean, your spouse will never leave you unless they die, right? Marriage started to sound more attractive. And then I panicked. Did that make me a “single”? Was I now incomplete, a left-over, one of the ones who didn’t get chosen when everyone else was picking teams? Did I miss the deadline? I have to admit that although I had always been fairly level-headed and intellectual about the dating and mating process (God does everything in His time, right?), these new realizations and longings kind of threw me into a panic for awhile. I did NOT want to be single. Socially awkward, fifth-wheelish, desperate, thinking only about how lonely I was. Because that’s the stereotype, right? And really, that’s kind of how you get treated by married folks sometimes. You catch pitying stares once in awhile, and when making new acquaintances, it’s almost like you have to list your excuses for not being married YET.

In my mind, I thought that being single would take over my whole life. And I’ve seen that it can, really. There are people who are obsessed with finding the “right” one to spend the rest of their lives with. They date constantly, always talk about the opposite sex, or complain bitterly about their married friends and how they don’t have time for them or hurt their feelings on a regular basis. They discuss the wisdom of various dating techniques—the blind date, speed dating, internet dating. They worry about their appearance, their income, and their vehicles, always wanting to give the “right” impression, just in case “he” or “she” could show up unexpectedly and be wildly attracted to them because of their shoe brand or the appearance of their toenails. These people seem to think that marriage is a right, like freedom of speech or freedom to bear arms, and the idea of finding a mate consumes their lives.

If we listen to what the world says, even the Christian world sometimes, we might believe that singles are doomed to a perpetual adolescence—we cannot achieve true maturity without a mate. We could believe that we have to be the “right” kind of person before we can attract Mr. or Ms. Right. Or that there is only one right person out there for everyone, and if you happen to be looking the other direction when you pass him or her on the sidewalk one day, you totally lose out. Media tells us constantly that only the most beautiful are truly worthy of love and desire. And the music we hear on the radio, pumped willingly into our brains through our ipods, or everywhere, really, can often remind us that loneliness is the worst thing in the world and that we need to avoid it at all costs.

I have to admit that I have at one time or another, fallen prey to almost all of these lies and noxious behaviors. Bitterness, complaining, despair, anxiety, and hopelessness have all accompanied me at times on this journey of discovering desire. I didn’t know what to do with my longing. If I want something, I should have it, right? But when I started to sift through the maelstrom of thoughts and impressions that I was dealing with, I started to notice something interesting—all of it was about me—what I needed to do or hadn’t done, and who would make me feel good about myself. I was worried that I had missed something, that I wasn’t attractive enough, that I should be married so that I could be happy. Obviously, I had not been paying any attention at all during all my hours at church, reading the Bible, and praying. Who is life about anyway? Me? Heck no! In Colossians, Paul very explicitly explains what all this Jesus business is about:

“He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. For by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him. He is before all things, and in him all things hold together. . .For God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in him, and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through his blood, shed on the cross (Colossians 1:15-17,19-20).”

Okay, well, that puts me in my place. I was created by Him and for Him; therefore, that makes my life about Whom, exactly? Yeah, I didn’t think it was me, either. Really, I didn’t. And did you notice the part that says, “. . . in him all things hold together”, and that through the death of Jesus he “reconcile[d] to himself all things”? That’s kind of a big deal—it means that Jesus holds the world together, holds my heart, my mind, and my future. And he brings his peace and reconciliation! How great is that!

Home Again

2009-07-06T15:22:00.002-05:00

Been in and out of the city as of late, and now I'm back in for good . . . until I leave again at the end of July . . . then I'm back again for a week . . . then I'm gone again until a date to be determined by my school schedule and my work load.

I feel a need to reorganize the blog. The old masthead and page didn't jive anymore with what I am doing now, so I'm working on that (mostly in my head). So for now you get a pretty much blank page with my blog title and entries. While I am not a fan of puking, I do love that green!

30, flirty, and thriving

2009-07-02T17:42:00.004-05:00

This is today's status, and blog post title. I turned 30 today so I chose an obscure movie reference to describe my day. So you may be asking yourself, "how has she really changed over her life time?" Well, I will show you. I don't have any 1 year birthday pictures here at my house, but I do have this one . . . my guess is 9:

And now (on my birthday trip to NYC):
Look closely. Do you see it? I'm THE EXACT SAME (minus the watermelon shorts and the hair length).

For those of you who have followed for very long I do a year end review on my birthday. Last year I didn't really do one, I took up something else - a life. So instead I wrote about a decision I made TO NOT WATCH TV OR MOVIES FOR A YEAR. Well, times up. When I read the entry I laughed . . . a lot. I had no idea what I was getting myself into.

I'm not going to talk about what I gave up, I'm going to talk about what I got (in no particular order).

Contentment. It was hiding under all the media. It is an amazing gift, one that can get taken back, but when you have it there is a calm that I can't explain. A calm that says, "you are fine, you will make it JUST THE WAY YOU ARE."
Running. Now, not so much a gift like contentment. It is more work. This was a late coming phenomenon to the year (I think I started in March/April). There are days where it is the only thing that I feel like doing. While I was in NYC I was overcome with the desire to run part of Central Park . . . but I couldn't. Ran a 5K at the end of May, looking at running an 8K middle of July. Where did that come from? All I could really think about doing today was going for a birthday run, but instead I took a nap. I traded a run for the greater good. You might say I took the lazy way out, which is pretty typical for me, but I haven't slept well since going camping and I knew that if I didn't get a nap I would snap and rip peoples heads off and spit down their neck. So you see, the greater good.
Closer friends. Instead of sitting around watching TV or going out for a movie we had to DO something. That doing developed closer friendships to those I was already close to and closer friendships with those I hadn't really expected to grow closer to.
Peace. Not the same as contentment. When things go wrong, I don't freak out. Well I have the last couple of days, but mostly because I am really tired.
A new career path. I honestly don't think I would be going back to school if I hadn't taken this time to sit and be quiet for awhile.
Quiet. I went camping this last weekend and I found I have this uncanny ability to just sit (sometimes for hours) and just sit. I use to do that with TV and I was just plugging stuff into my head instead of working on what was already in there and needed to be worked on.
Freedom. I am not dictated by TV schedules, mostly I am dictated by sun cycles. I am much freer to go do something random.

I'm not going to sit here and say I am never going to watch TV again, or that I'm not going to watch a movie (SOON), but I am saying that I don't have the connection to it that I use to. I'm not even taking a TV to school with me. I know there is more. Way more, but that is all I can think about right now - mostly because I have the attention span for internet about the size of a gnat.

Ticks Dig Me

2009-06-28T18:41:00.005-05:00

Chicks don't dig me (as they shouldn't) but TICKS do! I lost count on the first morning of our trip on how many ticks wanted to feast on my lily white body. Lesson learned, buy the zip off pant legs - gosh! What a great time to get away and relax. Yes, it was the hottest weekend of the year so far. Yes, it was warmish. No, I didn't care.

First backpacking adventure. I wasn't sure if I was going to make it. When asked I just said I was good to go so I wouldn't hear myself say out loud that I thought I might die . . . or that I wasn't quite sure because I couldn't feel anything below my neck. Am I full of drama? Yes I am. The feeling when you take a backpack off is the best feeling in the world. I think I might have been able to run to the car and back on that feeling. OK, maybe just to the car, but the bathroom was right there and I wasn't going to see that thing again for 2 days. My tent smelled like feet, but I didn't care, I was laying down.

I won't bore you with the blow by blow of the trip, other than to say it was a good learning experience, with a good and patient teacher. It was hard to come back today, only because I felt like there were more lessons to be learned. BUT, if we hadn't come back today we wouldn't have seen the man riding his burro through Farmington. Yes, that's right.

Look Ma, No Hands!

2009-06-20T19:40:00.000-05:00

There are really no words

2009-06-09T18:02:00.001-05:00

Moving

2009-06-07T15:36:00.002-05:00

I am learning a lot right now - the biggest lesson: moving is more than just about leaving. While moving in my adult life it all came at times where it was expected. When I graduated from college it was natural to leave, no one else I knew was really staying around. Before that moving happened at natural transitions in life - never like this. Never where I am here one day and the next I will be gone, leaving everyone and everything behind. Life here will go on well without me. Some won't even notice I am gone until I come back for a visit. I'm not saddened by that fact. I know it has been the case when others I know have left. Life is just a bit different without them here, but life went on just fine with them gone. I struggle more with leaving behind those that I have lived life with on such a level that it will be painful to go. I don't like to need, or cry, or be vulnerable, and I will do all of those things.

Other than the application process and the general stuff of getting ready to go to grad school, I have struggled with every process. The process of looking for a place to live, getting my money figured out, packing, saying goodbye. I don't do any of them. I just live like the beginning of August will be just that, the same as the beginning of last August. If I start to go down the path of leaving I get all hung up and quit. Maybe that is why I am running so much right now (more than just the physical).

#2146

2009-05-30T14:27:00.002-05:00

My runner number: 2146 (not that many runners, they just started the numbers at 2000)
The distance: 5K
My time: 30:30 (ish, I haven't seen the official results)

I have been running since March (??? help me out) and it has been a slow process to get me to where I am now running about an hour every other day (depending on the work I did that day and the temperature). I would like to run more, but it is getting so dang hot and my job is pretty physical. I want to say at the end of the summer I would do a half marathon - but I wonder if that is too ambitious given what my summer holds by way of transitions and changes. Either way I rand the 5K and did it in a better time than I have ever run in my whole life. A 10 minute mile is unheard of in my life - there is no hustle in this muscle, but I guess maybe I was wrong. I do have one regret - I didn't beat the purple socks girl . . . my muscle was out of hustle, or I just didn't care enough, not sure which.

Alan Alda

2009-05-26T18:42:00.003-05:00

Went to NYC

Spent 4 days

Took tons of pictures (many of which will be un-usable)

Walked miles and miles and miles

Rode the subway every day and did so looking like a pro (even with a map in my pocket)

Many different tours, can't name them all

If I closed my eyes on the last tour I could have sworn it was being given by Alan Alda

it would be confusing

2009-05-20T11:50:00.000-05:00

Too Much

2009-05-16T20:24:00.002-05:00

I have just realized that I am doing too many things at once. Not in life (that is debatable), but currently on my computer. I have iTunes open (but not listening . . . ponder that one a bit), working in Word, in Photoshop, Blogger is open, and flickr is loading. Can I truly give my full attention to any of the above mentioned programs if I am working on them all at once. Granted a few of them are open for the same reason, but goodness me that is a lot.

I, personally, have been on a blog hiatus. Not because I don't like blogging, or because I don't like any of you that read the blog - I just don't have anything all that interesting to say (nor do I ever). I fear that I have become . . . boring. Granted I may have more to say the closer I get to my move to Oklahoma, but all in all this life change has just made me shut my mouth a little bit. I don't think the blog has been helped much by my job. A place where I can go and be alone with my thoughts for 8 hours a day and so I don't really need to talk about them much. Yes, I have said this all before - and I will shut up about it. But that is the real reason I asked someone else to write a bit. I hoped it would give me time to think of something on my own, or at least spur me on to write. It did neither, but it did give me a chance to beg them to write some more.

The Long Wait: Part the Last

2009-05-14T10:41:00.002-05:00

So sad! Here is my final post for now ( I think!). I hope you've enjoyed the slightly different fare. And one final hint of my identity: my most tangible long-term goal right now is walking the Camino in Spain.

The Long Wait: Part the Last

The Silence of God by Andrew Peterson

It's enough to drive a man crazy; it'll break a man's faith
It's enough to make him wonder if he's ever been sane
When he's bleating for comfort from Thy staff and Thy rod
And the heaven's only answer is the silence of God

It'll shake a man's timbers when he loses his heart
When he has to remember what broke him apart
This yoke may be easy, but this burden is not
When the crying fields are frozen by the silence of God

And if a man has got to listen to the voices of the mob
Who are reeling in the throes of all the happiness they've got
When they tell you all their troubles have been nailed up to that cross
Then what about the times when even followers get lost?
'Cause we all get lost sometimes...

There's a statue of Jesus on a monastery knoll
In the hills of Kentucky, all quiet and cold
And He's kneeling in the garden, as silent as a Stone
All His friends are sleeping and He's weeping all alone

And the man of all sorrows, he never forgot
What sorrow is carried by the hearts that he bought
So when the questions dissolve into the silence of God
The aching may remain, but the breaking does not
The aching may remain, but the breaking does not
In the holy, lonesome echo of the silence of God

Now, I don’t claim to know what ‘n all God is about in all this waiting business, but I’m pretty sure that some of it has to do with developing a rock solid faith. I’ve noticed that the longer a time of waiting goes on, the more God reveals to me how useless my efforts are to improve myself or do things on my own. In my most painful period of waiting thus far, God took everything away from me that I thought made up who I was--my talents, my relationships, my intellect, even my ability to take care of myself. There was nothing left for me in that place but the raw knowledge that I was absolutely nothing without the love of my gracious Savior. It’s been quite a few years since I have been in that place of abject brokenness, and I can see now that it was the most loving (and painful) thing that God has ever done for me. He took away my self-reliance so that I could only rely on him. In my stubbornness, it was the only way that He could reach me.

In recent years, I have found myself in another holding pattern, waiting for the next step. I didn’t want to, but I have slowly fallen back into that place of apathy and fear of hoping, because the things I have hoped for have either not yet come to be or have been thrown back in my face. Once again, prayers have seemed to bounce off the ceiling over my head and onto the floor instead of rising to the throne of the One who loves me. God has never let me totally give up on Him, but I certainly have felt like giving up on me. Thankfully, through a series of circumstances, God has woken my heart again to His reality and His hope once again. I realized that I was putting my hope in my desires instead of Him (does anyone really understand the difference between hoping FOR and hoping IN?), and lost hold of the reality of His faithfulness and the timelessness of His purposes. I can see that part of the onerousness of waiting comes from my ingrained belief that I am what I do; I can’t DO anything about waiting, and I can’t make anything in my life happen, no matter what they tell me on TV and in self-help books. It seems that only during those times of waiting, if we rest in the silence of God’s heart, can He reveal to us what we truly are to become through His grace.

So even though waiting at the doctor’s office still cramps my style, and I still find myself getting impatient as I wait for fulfillment, I am thankful that God loves me enough to lead me here, in this moment of waiting. And I know that I'm in very good company, since all of creation "has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time (Romans 8:22)," waiting for Christ's redemption of His children. I only pray that I will learn my lessons well and rest on His grace instead of my dreams and abilities. If you, too, find yourself chafing with the pressure of waiting on God, I recommend taking the time to slow down and rest in what God has for you here in the silence. Turn off the TV, log off of Twitter and Facebook, put your ipod away, and practice some active listening. Read some Henri Nouwen or Brennan Manning, do a concordance search through your Bible on the word “wait” (there’s a lot!), and grab someone you trust to talk and pray about what waiting means to you in this moment. God will be faithful to reveal His heart to you and bring you to the place He has for you, and grant you peace along the way. And so, in the words of Larry Hein, “May all your expectations be frustrated, may all your plans be thwarted, may all your desires be withered into nothingness, that you may experience the powerlessness and poverty of a child and sing and dance in the love of God who is Father, Son, and Spirit.”

The Long Wait 2.1

2009-05-10T20:51:00.007-05:00

Okay, folks. I know the suspense has been killing you. So without further ado, I present the next installment on this delightfully scintillating discourse on waiting. (And if you're still curious about me, I'll give you one more clue: in the second grade, I wished with all my heart to grow up and be a marine biologist.)

THE LONG WAIT: 2.1

. . .one of the greatest stresses in life is the stress of waiting for God. He brings fulfillment, "because you have kept My command to persevere. . .(Rev. 3:10)"
Oswald Chambers

Sometimes I feel like I have spent my entire life waiting for something. When I was a little kid, I was waiting and waiting to grow up so that I could be cool like the big kids. I waited to go to college so that my “real” life could start. I graduated from college and waited for a purpose or a goal to focus my life on. I have spent a lot of time and energy on waiting to become healthy. But mostly I’ve spent a lot of time waiting on God. Waiting for Him to change my life, me, or the people and world around me. And I can honestly say that for the most part, I’ve hated every minute of that waiting.

The thing is, waiting can feel like death, or being locked in prison. When waiting, there are expectations that are not being fulfilled, because you’re obviously waiting for something, and when that something doesn’t happen, you can start to doubt whether God really cares about what’s going on. Hope gets really hard to hold onto when it doesn’t reach any fulfillment. In Proverbs it states that, “A hope deferred makes a heart sick (13:12).” I don’t know about you, but I’ve spent a lot of time with a sick heart, waiting for things that have seemingly never happened--hopes for myself and for others. And I’ve found that the end result is apathy, bitterness, and a strong desire to not hope about anything. And a total abhorrence of waiting.

However, in latter years I’ve started to get the sneaking suspicion that I’ve got everything totally backwards. I’ve noticed that I am not alone in this business of waiting, either. It seems that all of the great Bible characters that I’ve learned about spent a fair amount of time waiting, too. Abraham waited for a son, Moses waited for a call to action from God and deliverance for his people, Joseph waited to be rescued twice, then waited for reconciliation with his family. The Israelites waited for a promised land over and over again as they were captured, returned, and captured again and again. Even Jesus had to wait thirty years to start his ministry! The exciting thing to me is that God never ever left them to wait forever (minus, of course, the generations of Hebrews who lived in exile for their disobedience, and Moses who never got to see the promised land for the same reason). He waited until the time was right, and rescued, gave, or spurred to action as He saw fit. And when the waiting got to be too much for someone and they acted of their own volition, they made stupid decisions and made God really really angry, like the Israelites at the base of the Mount Sinai (Exodus 32) worshipping the golden calf, or Saul not waiting for Samuel to give a sacrifice before a battle (1 Samuel 13). So there really must be something important to God about waiting.

Tune in next time for part three!

Irony?

2009-05-07T19:12:00.003-05:00

Not ironing, irony. Does anyone else find it ironic that we have to wait for more of the post on waiting? When I saw that my blog had been posted to I got a little freaked out. Then I remembered - and it felt like I had someone else do my homework for me - and that felt AWESOME!

Oh, and I totally know who is writing and I'm not telling.

2009-05-07T11:04:00.002-05:00

I accept the challenge thrown to me by answering with a meditation on the nature of waiting. If you're dying to know who I am, you'll just have to guess! I'll give one hint: My second toe is longer than all the other toes on my feet. Good luck.

As I am not near as pithy as Katie, you'll have to bear with me in installments, since nobody goes to a blog to read an essay. Unless you're me.

THE LONG WAIT: 1

“Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him.”
Psalm 37:7

I hate waiting. And I don’t use the word hate lightly here. When waiting in line at the store, my patience runs out about ten seconds after joining the end of a line. After a thirty second perusal of the tabloid covers and a thorough investigation of the check-out line fare, the tension inside of me starts to build. I shift. I covertly watch the people around me. I try to pretend that I’m totally cool with standing there doing absolutely nothing while the cashier does fifteen price-checks on baby formula ahead of me. But inside I’m getting desperate. I think of fifty other things I could be doing RIGHT NOW, all of them way more important than waiting, and begin to feel like a teakettle on the boil, ready to start screaming any minute. While I’ve never had a total breakdown waiting in line, I have sprinted out of stores on several occasions after check-out just to release the excessive tension and irritation that grips me so strongly. It often takes me a good twenty minutes or more to recover from the physical and emotional stress of waiting in line. Don’t even ask me about waiting rooms in medical offices--that’s even worse!!
If that seems absolutely ridiculous to you, you’re right. But I bet you’ve had similar experiences. Nobody in our society likes to wait. Just think about how we eat--grocery stores are filled with frozen dinners and “instant” meals to save us the pain of waiting for food to cook. Or we can go to any of a myriad choices of fast “food” (watch out, though--you might have to wait in line!!) We can’t even be patient with nature--all the ads on TV about weight loss products tout their amazingly fast results, “I lost 50 pounds in three months!!” And if you can’t even wait for the pills or diet plan or exercise routine to kick in, you can get plastic surgery and look skinny now! Everything, it seems, is designed to keep us from the horrors of waiting.

Join us next time for The Long Wait:2!

Invitation

2009-05-02T20:08:00.002-05:00

due to my lack of blogging, i have invited a special guest to blog a bit for me. i'm not telling you who it is - they may not even take me up on the offer. it will be up to them to reveal their identity or not. all i can say about this person is that they also fall under the category of "sarcastic and single" and they have way more interesting insights on life than i do.

You can say that again

2009-04-19T17:25:00.002-05:00

Grellon

2009-03-26T18:16:00.002-05:00

Behind the appartments at work there is a wooded area. To strictly call it woods, because it isn't, but it is an area of trees . . . a thin strip of trees. ANYWAY, there are these kids that love to play in the wooded area, I mean, who wouldn't want to play out there, I would have TOTALLY been out there every day. Every so often I see a hut out there. It isn't really noticable because of where they build it and what the materials are, but I will catch a glimpse of one. Well Tuesday this is what we found. Not only are their huts back there, but over the weekend they (my guess is these three boys that are always running together out there and usually in the wood line) built a garden. A garden complete with planting beds, plant that they transplanted from other areas of the wooded area (and I think one or two from our transplant area behind the shop), stone lined paths, and remodeled huts.