Darth Vader Is My Hero

I sometimes wonder if there is a reason that God shows me things about myself through movies. Not all movies . . . a few . . . some . . . ALRIGHT, most of them. Maybe it is because I think about movies more than the average bear. I watch them, think about them, watch them again, think about it some more. What I find sad is that many times I relate to the antagonist of the movie, not the protagonist. I want to be the good guy, not the force against him. For instance, I relate to Anakin in Star Wars Episode III (and subsequently Darth Vader in IV, V, and VI). I made the mistake once of telling someone that Darth Vader was my favorite character in Star Wars; they looked at me like I was crazy. I then went on to bury myself a little deeper and say that I admired him - and then they knew I was twisted. I never explained it to them, because I didn't know how at the time. But for some reason I kept thinking about it and I can finally say - Darth Vader is my hero.

Anakin wasn't a bad guy, he just got caught up in a bad lie. He started to believe those around him who were feeding him the wrong information, instead of believing what he knew was true. He let his pride, his doubt, his inability to trust, and his hurt get in the way of the truth - making it easier to be manipulated by the enemy (Episode III). As he grows in this lie he becomes powerful to the point of being a ruler, crushing all those who stood in his way to complete power (IV, V). There is still good in him, even if it is buried deep under the pride, doubt, and hurt. In the end he sees this evil and overcome it. Seeing his life for a lie, he turns from the lie to the light just before he dies (VI).

Isn't that what has happened to us? I know it happened to me. I was going through life thinking I was pretty hot stuff. I had pride, doubt, hurt, and couldn't trust God to come through for me. So I bought a bad lie, the lie that Satin gave me that said I could have more, I could be more. I believed him and went on to do some hurtful things to those around me. I wasn't a world power crushing the rebellion, but I was one person - hurting everyone who believed something different, hurting those who knew the truth. There was still good in me somewhere, but it was buried so far under the hurt and pride that I couldn't see it, I couldn't even feel it anymore. I finally saw the truth - not when some ugly dude was killing my son, but in a shower where I was crying so hard that I couldn't breathe. I turned from the lie and started walking toward the light. I have more of my life to live so I think I face more troubles with my past than Anakin did before he died - but I still look at him and see, even the most evil of men can be redeemed, so can I.

I am glad Lucas made the prequels (maybe not so much the first 2). It gave me a chance to see where Darth Vader came from - to see how far he had fallen and to see how far he had to come to break free of the lie.

Day 1

I have not done one of these for several months - a Blog Fast, if you will. Some days I am glad I haven't had a page were I can come and throw-up little bits of information about myself - forcing the reader to read things that no person should ever read. But most days I miss it. I miss the way I can write things here that sometimes I just can't say out loud.

So I am back. This is my therapy without a couch.