Moving

I am learning a lot right now - the biggest lesson: moving is more than just about leaving. While moving in my adult life it all came at times where it was expected. When I graduated from college it was natural to leave, no one else I knew was really staying around. Before that moving happened at natural transitions in life - never like this. Never where I am here one day and the next I will be gone, leaving everyone and everything behind. Life here will go on well without me. Some won't even notice I am gone until I come back for a visit. I'm not saddened by that fact. I know it has been the case when others I know have left. Life is just a bit different without them here, but life went on just fine with them gone. I struggle more with leaving behind those that I have lived life with on such a level that it will be painful to go. I don't like to need, or cry, or be vulnerable, and I will do all of those things.

Other than the application process and the general stuff of getting ready to go to grad school, I have struggled with every process. The process of looking for a place to live, getting my money figured out, packing, saying goodbye. I don't do any of them. I just live like the beginning of August will be just that, the same as the beginning of last August. If I start to go down the path of leaving I get all hung up and quit. Maybe that is why I am running so much right now (more than just the physical).