Katie comes from a long line of leavers . . .

welp kids, this has been an interesting weekend, to say the least. am i going to be vague about it? you betcha.

i had a pretty open weekend - the first in over a month. i spent saturday reading and taking my dog for ridiculously long walks because it felt about 75 outside and it was amazing to be out in it on february 7. there have been many thoughts swimming in my mind of late. i don't know if you know this about me or not - but i am pretty content with my life. it started sometime in the fall (i can't pinpoint the day, or even the month). a calm came over my life that i can't quite explain other than God is showing me that things are ok. paul talks about it when he wrote the philippians - and i think i finally understand what he is talking about. i didn't have teen angst when i was growing up, but i did have 20's angst . . . to the extreme. things still bother me, or upset me, but i think i have begun to see the bigger picture and know that it is bothersome now but in a few weeks it will be just fine. anyway, the thoughts swimming in my mind are really related to what direction my life needs to take. what i am doing is fine for now, but there is no challenge, other than the physical challenge of work. it isn't challenging my mind. and on the rare occasions it calls for brain work it is on random things that shouldn't be analysed. so my ongoing question has been, what is next? where do i need to do next? is this it? i don't know if i ever expected those questions to be answered - but many options came poking me this weekend. out of nowhere in particular, why does He like to work that way? so i am weighing my options and seeing if there are any bites.

as i weighed and pondered today (some more) i got a call. "yes, the tax man does want all of your money." what i thought was a mistake in the way i was doing my taxes was no mistake at all. while i have most of the money that uncle sam wants, i don't have all of it - and that my friends is where my new found contentment (and trust) comes in. i did all the right things, my accountant did all the right things, my employers did all the right things, i saved the right amount out of the money from the work i did on the side for people this year, there is no one to blame (i usually blame myself, but i'm not this time because it was truly a fluke). it is an interesting thing really. such a sum of money never really entered my mind as being possible, and now it is just like a bad dream - one that i hope is over soon.

is the tax man

no, i will not update you on the statuses you missed - because i am in just that sort of mood. my weekend and monday were full. not full in the case of, "wow, i have a lot going on and i just can't catch a break." but full in the fact that there were a lot of things going on mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and yes - some physically. in the interest of time i am going to do a "stream of consciousness" stolen from my friend John.

• while friday was suppose to be spent at a big brothers/big sisters lock in it was not. for reasons unexplainable other than the ever changing mind of a teenager i spent the evening at home . . . well not at home after all. i couldn't figure out why that teenage mind had been changed until the events of the day and night unraveled and then it made perfect sense. am i being ambiguous? yes, of course i am. friday night is not really my story to tell, only that i am glad to have been in the right place at the right time, and am humbled every day how God chooses to work in my life.
• up early on saturday to go work at the Harris home. what a great time to work side by side with friends and take some time to get to know everyone a bit better.
• i am getting closer and closer to the summer which means a lot of things. one it is going to be hotter than a cat on a hot tin roof, and two i am getting closer to family camp. more on that to come, but in short is is a trip that my mom and i are taking to help give some families a much needed break and time to re-connect on deeper levels. i can't wait.
• more and more i am finding that it is easy to give my heart away. not necessarily in the romantic love department, but in relationships in general. while i have guarded my heart for about 30 years, this gradual giving that has been going on has made a huge impact on me.
• i am crying a lot more now, and not really because i am sad (random tidbit)
• i started my taxes this weekend - and yes i am totally frustrated. due to changes in my life over the past year and some change my taxes have been a confusing mess. this was compounded this year again and now i fear that i will not be able to do my taxes on my own this year. i have always found a sense of pride in doing my taxes since i was 16, and now i am seeing that i need to be humble enough to ask for some much needed help.
• i am learning that to be a christian really means to become like Jesus and show him to others. not to be afraid to admit your problems or hang ups. Kevin likes to say that - aa is where you go and admit you are bad and you get better. church is a place you go and pretend you are good and get worse. anyway, i heard christianity encapsulated so well last week Ephesians 4:2 Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Now don't read that as you have to be all those things at once. Look at them as steps. First learn to be humble. then as you grasp the humble part you will gradually learn to be gentle. and so on until, in the end, you are looking more and more like Jesus.
• i am finding that i have a lot of thoughts, but i never really finish them. i get a good start and then they just fizzle. i don't know if it is lack of thought, or that there is too much thought.
• i am gaining a different perspective on my job. not a good or bad perspective - just different.
• and to conclude i have The Beatles and their cartoon of Taxman: