Worry

I live my life in worry. What if I'm not good enough, what if people don't like me, what if I am too much, what if I'm not enough. I think some of that comes with growing up in this society, some of it is my own neurotic thought. Thursday there was a terrible shooting in Kirkwood. 6 people are dead, two more are wounded. I did not write about it because, well, because it didn't have anything to do with me. I live 20 minutes from Kirkwood, some of my greatest friends live less than a mile from where the shooting took place, but I knew no one that was shot. The long and the short of it is this: A man had long running issues with the city council. It had gone on for years and last week something just flipped his switch and he decided to go hunting - and he did, and it was horrible, and it is over, and there are families left without relatives, and a city trying to wrap their brains around what the hell happened. It was horrible, tragic, and totally fucked up - I know this. I feel sorrow for the families and for the town. Will this be in the back of my mind when I go to city council meetings? Maybe. Just like with 9-11, the smattering of school shootings that have occurred over the years, and the Oklahoma City Bombing, these are things that play on the mind a bit. But I can't live my life in worry about this. I can't live my life in fear that one day i will get shot, or mugged, or rapped and pillaged - makes living too hard. I can live my life doing what I love, seeing the people I enjoy spending time with (no matter where they live), and leaving what I can't control behind. To those of you reading, this is not eye opening. Who am I to say such things about an event that doesn't have to do with me - I am no one but someone trying to make sense of the world around me. So then the question begs to be asked: "Why do you worry about all that other stuff?" I don't have a clue.