This Path

I have spoken cryptically for about a month on loops, letting go, crying, and fight club. While I don't think I'm quite ready to spill all I know due to current subscriptions to this blog and relationships that I would like to keep in tact - I would like to say one thing. This path of life is hard. Just plain hard. It is hard when all you think about, and all you talk about starts to sound like a broken record of would-a, could-a, should-a, and should I? I'm having a real hard time as I come to grips with the fact that this path might not be for me anymore. How do I say goodbye to the ones that have walked beside me so long? How to I convince them to follow me on a new path, or to at least venture over to my path to say hello. How do I change my path? Do I take the fork in the road, or do I double back to a point I past long ago and strike out in a new direction. C.S. Lewis once said something about paths:

"We all want progress. But progress means getting nearer to the place where you want to be. And if you have taken a wrong turning, then to go forward does not get you any nearer. If you are on the wrong road, progress means doing an about-turn and walking back to the right road; and in that case the man who turns back soonest is the most progressive man . . . And I think if you look at the present state of the world, it is pretty plain that humanity has been making some big mistake. We are on the wrong road. And if that is so, we must go back. Going back is the quickest way on."

I don't feel like I was ever on the wrong path. I just feel like maybe this path isn't mine anymore. It was good for me for the time. I learned many lessons, made many friends, and I am finding that I am walking down this path a very different person than the one who started on this turn of my life. I will take that with me always, now if I could just find a map to my next destination. Maybe my next destination is on this path - only time will tell.

Dear friends, if you are reading this and you worry for me, for you, for us - take heart. For I love you all very much, and I will fight with every last breath in my body to keep you with me if this path reaches a turning point; don't borrow trouble for tomorrow.