Cause For Alarm

Dear Alarm Clock,

I am not your biggest fan. While I am on the topics of fans - do you have any? You rudely wake people up from deep sleep or great dreams. Sometimes you go off at the most inopportune times. Most times you wake me up during the best dreams. You NEVER wake me up from a nightmare. Why is that. I have nightmares and you sit idly by and wait for me to have a good dream. A dream where I am having the time of my life, or I am about to find the answer to some question like who I am going to marry, what the meaning of life is, who killed the electric car, or where Jimmy Hoffa is buried.

Anyway, I know that I have to get up, but why right now. I would much rather get up whenever I wake up, and then go to work when I get there. I guess that isn't realistic, but why isn't it? I know it isn't your fault - you are just a tool of "The Man." If you were Strawberry, I might be able to forgive.

Sleepily,
Katie Morgan

Blank

Dear (group of people) ,

I don't know if I have ever told you this - but I really like spending time with you. I sometimes wonder if we really have anything in common, if I really have anything to offer you. I may never know if you gain anything from our time together. But I want you to know that it means the world to me when you want to spend time with me. Somehow it makes my life make sense. I hope that someday you might understand what an impact you have on me in my life.

Sincerely,
Morgan

GW

Dear Gene Wilder,

I'm in love with you. There are no two ways about it. You are a comic genius - and I wish I could be half as funny as you are.

Yours Sincerely,
Katie Morgan

Snack Machine Guy

Dear Snack Machine Guy,

In an effort to retrieve the Peanut Butter Cups that were caught in the spindle, I obtained two items that were not mine. Your machine will be $1 short. ALTHOUGH, that was the second item we had tried to shake free, so maybe you are up on money due to people not taking the time to shake the machine.

Honestly, I am not that sorry, because I got a Snickers bar for free, and it made two children laugh that really needed one. BTW the microwave popcorn is awesome, but you put in packets with Spanish instructions on them instead of English. Luckily I had someone there who was almost fluent in Spanish, or the popcorn would have been a waste.

If you want your dollar, you are going to have to come find me.

Thanks,
Katie Morgan

Dear . . .

Dear (thing to remain nameless to protect the innocent) ,

Why are you such a jerk? I'm serious. I know how I am, I know that I call people jerks and sometimes I don't mean it - hell, I even call myself a jerk sometimes. But this is over the line, really over the line. You don't even care about people one bit. You see people suffering, and instead of helping them you just watch, then you poke them, punch them, and watch them writhe in the extra pain you are causing.

Lay off. Just lay off. I do have to say this, you are an equal opportunity a-hole. You pester everyone the same way and don't discriminate on age, race, or gender - so way to be on that.

I hope some day you get yours.

With Regrets,
Katie Morgan

Royals

Dear Kansas City Royals,

I was over on the MLB Standings site today looking at how my beloved Indians were fairing so far. I was shocked to see you at the top of the standings, winning your first two games. How exciting for you all! Are you excited? Not only have you won your first two games, but you beat Detroit, they are usually pretty high in the rankings. I hope that you continue to do well, you deserve it after so long.

You know, I usually do root for the underdog. That is why I am an Indians fan. For so long they were low in the standings, but now that they did so well last year, I am beginning to wonder who I really should root for this year. Do not get too excited yet, I will still cheer for them, but you are inching up in the rankings for me to consider as second favorite. I am closer to Kansas City than I am to Cleveland, so it would be nice to go to a game every now and again (especially when you play Cleveland).

Anyway, I wish you all the luck you can handle. Let me know how tomorrow's game goes with Detroit.

Sincerely,
Katie Morgan
Devoted Indians Fan Since 1984

Postcards From The Edge

Dear Gentle Reader,

As you have probably deduced by now, I am writing here everyday of 2008. It hasn't always been fun for me, and I know it hasn't always been fun for you either. The powers that be in the Blog 365 world have themes each month that people can use to kick start, re-start, or re-vamp a blog. I have never used these because . . . well I don't really know why. I guess, mostly, it is because I hate to conform. I don't want to conform to their themes. You may say, "But Katie, isn't the fact that you are blogging 365 days a year a bit conformist to the idea of Blog 365?" And to that I would answer, "No, because there were only about 1,000 people on the list when I signed up. So not signing up would have been going with the flow." See my logic? I astound myself. Anyway, I got the theme for April last week. And the more I thought about it the more I realized that this month's theme is something I would like to tackle.

Without further ado, I give you April's Theme: Letters. Yes, you heard it correctly, letters. I am going to write a letter every day for the month of April. I may just write it here, I may actually send it, I may write no one in particular (like today), or I may even write you. Doesn't the thought of me writing you a letter just fill you with anticipation. I know some of you are thinking right now, "Oh, I hope she picks me this month." And indeed, I may. I may change some names to protect the innocent . . . and the guilty.

So I hope you like this month. I do not promise it will be more interesting than any other month. I do not promise to even follow through with this for all 30 days.

Sincerely,

Morgan

it just hurts

it doesn't matter what i do, it just hurts. if i don't eat . . . it hurts. if i eat . . it hurts. i guess i will go back to my college habit of drinking mylanta, yum.

Air Bus

Is it just be or does the flying experience feel more like a cross country bus ride than a flight?

Basket Ball

I think they call it March Madness because I may go crazy if I have to watch another game.

Gene Pool

Is it nature or nurture . . . most days I think nurture, but when I am with him, I can't deny the nature part of me.

Off . . . again

I'm off again. This time to Texas where the temperature is up in the 80's. I can not post while I am there, so I will type them all when I get back. Maybe I will have a new list so I won't be listless.

Tickets

I just received 3 Jim Gaffigan tickets for his show here in September! That's right, I'm going to the show. You try buying them today . . . could you buy any? No. What about tomorrow? That's right, can't tomorrow either. You can, however, buy them on Friday. But I already have 3 of the best seats in the house so there is really no point.

list-less

I don't have a list, I don't know what to do. I guess it is time to think up a new list.

Iron Man

1. Sunday's unexpected
2. Monday's unexpected
3. Dog Years
4. Ellen Videos
5. Iron Man trailer/upcoming movies report
6. My Commission

Last on the list of topics I wrote down almost a week ago is the Iron Man trailer and upcoming movies report. If last summer is any indication of how I will do this year, then I am sad to say I won't actually go see any of these movies I am excited about. Example: Transformers. I wet my pants when I saw the preview, waited with held breath, and then let it come . . . and go from the theaters without so much as one ticket bought. What happened, you may ask. I DON'T FREAKING KNOW! To this day I have not seen it, and I have a DVD of it here at the house. Maybe it has come down to the build up now. I have built it up, didn't see it, and now have to watch it on a TV screen, worry that I won't be what I built it up to be, so I don't want to be disappointed. Who knows.

This summer, I hope will be a bit different. Hopefully I will see at least 2 of these. A few I am excited about I have listed here already - Indiana Jones being high on the list. The new Batman (and not because of Heath Ledger . . . but because I love the Batman genre (yes I called it a genre (and yes I have used parentheses inside of parentheses, etc.))). The new Narnia movie is coming out. OH!!!! And Get Smart - with Steve Carell. I can't wait for that one. Posted a trailer for that a long time ago, and it doesn't ever seem like it is ever going to be in the theater! Also Iron Man. I enjoy that this movie is coming out for one reason and one reason only - Robbert Downy Jr. He is the perfect smart ass, and that is what this character is, a total smart ass. So far from the preview I think this line will be quotable:

"Let's face it, this is not the worst thing you've caught me doing."

Hawaii Chair

1. Sunday's unexpected
2. Monday's unexpected
3. Dog Years
4. Ellen videos
5. Iron Man trailer/upcoming movies report
6. My Commission

This is classic. Just goes to show that things aren't always what they appear:
http://ellen.warnerbros.com/2008/01/hawaii_chair.php
(note, if video doesn't play after the commercial - refresh the screen and you should be able to watch it)

Also from Ellen:
http://ellen.warnerbros.com/message_from_ellen/
Not all videos are funny. Take special note of: The Dance Studio, Toll to the Lincoln Tunnel, and the one titled "that's where the prof is"

Monday

1. Sunday's unexpected
2. Monday's unexpected
3. Dog Years
4. Ellen videos
5. Iron Man trailer/upcoming movies report
6. My Commission

My unexpected of Monday was a long time coming. Let me provide a little bit of background:

I started working at the age of 13. My mom and I moved to Oklahoma when I started the 8th grade. I'm not sure I am over the trauma of moving to a small town right in the middle of Jr. High when clicks have been created 8 years earlier and small town Jr. High kids are meaner and click-y-er than others. This may not be a fact, but from where I had come from, they weren't nearly like the people I encountered in this new Deliverance Country. Anyway, my mom went to work in a lumber yard for a kind man named Tom Sanders. Tom had been in the lumber business for quite awhile. The company was originally owned by his father and uncle, and he wanted nothing to do with it. He went off and became a college professor and, what do you know, ended up running the business anyway. I'm not sure all the events surrounding his come back to backwoods Oklahoma, but he did. He allowed me to work in his store in the office. I filed. I filed a lot. I filed and cleaned the break room and the bathrooms. I did all that for $20 a week. THAT'S RIGHT. In that day I thought I was rich. I would walk home from school, drop my bag off and head over to the lumber yard to alphabetize and file invoices. At the beginning of the month I had the job of assisting in the mailing of all the invoices. Cleaning the bathrooms was the worse part - mostly because it was mostly men in and out of that place . . . mostly men that had terrible chewing habits. The spitting involved in the chewing is not necessarily the bad part, if you know what I mean. Anyway, I worked for that man until I graduated from high school. I even had half days my senior year and went to work for him the rest of the day as part of a school to work program. That semester I tried to learn Auto CAD 12 . . . it was hard, and I don't think I made much headway, but as a landscape architect I used Auto CAD a lot, and I would like to think I was ahead of the curve due to my tinkering at 17. He was very kind to my mom and me. He gave me something to do after school and on weekends, gave me a chance to be around my mom a bit more, and to form friendships with other men that I would have never met otherwise. These men were hard men. They knew the value of hard work, and they were very rough around the edges - but they were there for me. They were like big brothers that knew how to work and how to teach me the value of work, but also they liked to have a bit of fun and how to teach me to have a bit of fun at work too. Rubber band fights were a common sight, as was the look that said, "That was fun, but go back to work now." Those are all things he did indirectly. He gave me a sense of accomplishment in a job well done, a work ethic (that is sometimes out of control), and taught me the value of a dollar. Directly he gave me money for my prom dress, gave my mom time off to come to see me in speech competitions, wrote a home run letter of recommendation, paid for me to go places and do things (but he always made me ask) . . . he was like an uncle to me. He was a tall, quiet man, who was respected by his employees and people all over town. His dad was still around the store a lot. He had an office upstairs by mine (well my office wasn't really an office as much as it was a closet with a table they built). He was awesome as well. He used his time to make stained glass projects. I didn't develop the hobby until later, but I wish now I had him around to help me out.

So Tom Sanders. I don't think I could list the ways he helped me, or was there for me, or encouraged me, etc. I would visit him on occasion after I left for college. Those visits tapered off to the point where I had not seen him in about 2 years. I was never in town when the store was open, and for some reason I didn't feel right about going by his house (hmmmm, doesn't that sound like me). So Monday I went by. The store was a bit different. I didn't really see anyone on the floor I recognized. They looked at me suspiciously. I was a stranger walking through like I had business there, and went straight for the office. No one stopped me, but I think they wanted to. I saw the accountant/secretary that I worked with. She was happy to see me. And then I saw him. The tall, gentle man that helped me get through part of my life. Time and grief (over the loss of his parents and one of his sons) had aged him, but he was still in there, the man I knew. We talked for awhile. Mostly about my life and where it was going (or not going). I didn't realize until I saw him how much I missed seeing him. It was good, it was unexpected, it was just what I needed.

There have been 2 other "Tom Sanders" people in my life, and seeing him after all that time made me grateful for those others who have come behind. I just hope I don't go another two years before I see him again, and I don't let time get away from me with the ones that I have in my life now.

On with the list

1. Sunday's unexpected
2. Monday's unexpected
3. Dog Years
4. Ellen videos
5. Iron Man trailer/upcoming movies report
6. My Commission

Sunday's unexpected . . . what to say about it all. I don't know if it was something that was "unexpected" as it was something that made me take a step back and see, once again, that I am not going through all this turmoil of the last 6 months alone. There is Someone with me every moment. I went home for a few days to see my mom and my grandparents. I went to church with my mom and saw people that I always see when I am home. But I spent a lot of time with one gentleman that I rarely talk to. It isn't that we don't like talking to one another, it is just that he is usually very busy with the business of church . . . fighting the urge of a rabbit trail about churches and how they have become a business . . . must fight harder! OK . . . so, we don't talk much usually because I spend very little time in that church of my early 20's and he is usually busy with other things that need to be taken care of there. Anyway, he was asking me about my job(s) and I was talking to him about a very recent opening in St. Louis to work at the community college in the horticulture department. I am very conflicted about this decision. One, because I feel like I have made a commitment to where I am and that ministry. And second, because it was back in a related field to what I left . . . and there are more than a couple of reasons why I don't work there anymore. So he proceeded to lay out my options in a way that I had never had it all laid out to me before. A way that made me feel at total peace about what to do next. As you travel toward your destination, you have to work. Make your tents (as it were), and when it is time to quit making tents move on. Some of you have no idea what that means, but in context it made perfect sense.

Dog Years

So, my list:

1. Sunday's unexpected
2. Monday's unexpected
3. Dog Years video
4. Ellen videos
5. Iron Man trailer/upcoming movies report
6. My Commission

On to another number today . . . I pick 3. I think you guessed that due to the title of my post. Anyway, I thought this was pretty funny, and I'm sure that Addie thinks the same things sometimes . . . only she doesn't have a male voice, and if she spoke I think she would have the same accent.

Let's Give Them Something To Talk About

There is so much I want to talk about today. Every time I think about today's post I think of something different to put on here. I have seen several funny videos in the last 12 hours and wanted to post every one. Then there is the weekend to talk about. Just as a side note - an unexpected occurrence is not necessarily bad. Even if it is something I don't know how to talk about - some things just take me by such surprise and leave me speechless (rare, I know). So thank you for those of you who have called or left me kind words in my mail box, everything is fine, everyone is fine. So anyway I can't narrow it down to what I want to post today. So I will give you a list so that I know what to write about over the next week or so. The list isn't so much for you as it is for me.

1. Sunday's unexpected
2. Monday's unexpected
3. Dog Years video
4. Ellen videos
5. Iron Man trailer/upcoming movies report
6. My commission

I'm going to talk about my commission today. I have read and heard from some artists this statement "I have a commission of _____ to finish by the end of the week." I thought, how cool to be so great that someone would commission you to do something like that. I realized that they aren't that cool because I have been asked to do landscape designs, installs, etc. and that was really just a commission. I was commissioned to design a wall for a friend and put it in. Not cool, nothing cool about it. I had a great time, but that doesn't make me cool. ANYWAY, I have had a real commission. I am to design a business card for my dad. Some may say it doesn't count because he is my dad, but it TOTALLY counts because it is my dad. It is like my dad said, your work is great, make me something. That sort of thing just doesn't happen on a whim in my world. So anyway, I have complete design block - more frozen in fear of what will come or not come out of me. So, hopefully by Friday I will have some concrete ideas for him.

Unexpected

I wrote a quick post yesterday about my trip home. It wasn't over when I wrote it. I mentioned unexpected things happening, but I wasn't prepared for the unexpected of this morning. I can talk about the unexpected of Sunday and Monday, but I don't know how to talk about the unexpected of this morning. It was something so powerful, so raw, something I never saw coming, and am still in awe that it occurred.

Follow Up

This whole trip has been nothing I ever imagined. I don't know if that is good or bad. I was not ready for what I saw, but once I saw it I knew it was manageable for my little pea brain. Other things I didn't expect have happened, I'm sure there will be more about that later when I get a chance to write for real.

Off

I'm off to the great unknown. I'm not really sure what I am walking into today. I want to be ready, but I don't think I will be prepared for what I am about to see or experience.

I'm sure you understand, but I'm lost

I don't think I will ever understand it. EVER!

Spring

I realized today, as I sat in my backyard with the sun on my face, that this is the first time I have ever enjoyed spring in my adult life. The first time I have the time to enjoy it. I realize it isn't technically spring, but who is counting?

Last Time

When you are doing something mundane you never stop to think - "Is this the last time I will ever do this?" And then you wake up later and realize you will never do ________ (fill in the blank) again. Like the last time you kissed you ex-boyfriend or girlfriend, did you really know or think it would be the last time. The last time you ever backed out of that driveway or drove down that road because you moved. The last time you ever stood in that kitchen, or that office, or saw those people. Maybe you don't think about that because it is depressing, or fatalistic, or pessimistic. I don't really think about it at the time, but sometimes I do later. It comes up in a conversation, or a thought, or though my many hours of introspection.

Sun . . . shine

I just spent the last hour or so (so being anywhere from 15 to 30 minutes, because I don't remember the exact time I went outside) sitting in the sun reading and, subsequently, dozing. My foul disposition of the last week seemed to melt away for awhile, but then I remembered I had to go to work tonight and it seemed to rally back with vengeance. I don't think I'm handling things well, and I don't really know what to do - God help me if I have to go back to a counselor, I think that would send me over the edge. Normally the thought of recounting my life to a stranger seems so freeing and amazing. But these days I would rather poke myself in the eye with a sharp stick because I know that this is just a phase of transition and loss and eventual recovery, not a life long sorrow.

So when you ask me what I did today, don't be surprised if I say:

"I was just sitting here with my stick enjoying the sun . . . shine."

. . .

his name was Joe. He was the most famous baker on the coast.

(you thought it was going to be dirty - shame on you)

Story Time

There once was a man from Nantucket,

Fool

I really don't want to write everyday. I really don't feel like writing once a week anymore. Am I just doing this now because I have a "Blog 365" on my page and I signed up for this? Should I forget that and just do what I want when I want? Or would that just be another commitment I have made that I let go because it is hard? I don't think there are any right or wrong answers on this. I think, more than anything, I am finding that I write for me, and not for anyone else. So should you have to read it because I asked you here once, or you stumbled upon this site? A friend of mine apologized to me because they hadn't been reading every day, or every week. I don't think he was seriously apologizing, but I told him that it is here if you want to read it. It is here if you don't want to read it. I put it here, and whether no one reads it, or 100 people read it, it is still here. I will never be the next dooce or Real Live Preacher, I'm just here writing crap that half the time makes no sense, and every time shows what an ass I am. Abraham Lincoln once said,

"It is better to remain silent be thought a fool than to open one's mouth and
remove all doubt."

And I am starting to think that I'm removing doubt everyday, and that I should maybe just put this all on hold for awhile.

Fashion Week

I hate it when that happens, don't you?

Marathon Man

I watched Marathon Man today. What an interesting movie. I'm not sure I totally understood all of it, and in the end it just sort of stopped. There was some closure, but there wasn't any of the fallout that I was hoping to understand. A side thing about the movie was Dustin Hoffman's character was a runner. Movies like that make me want to be a runner. I don't think I could really be a runner, I don't have the ability to run through pain and distraction. I think I focus too much on that. Whenever I start running it only lasts about a week, and I'm back on the couch.

Good Intentions

I didn't get anything done that I had planned on getting done - but I did get to do some things I needed to do.

Sledding

I hate my new sled

Snow Sucess

Finally a snow day success. I did go to work today, but then came home around 11. The snow is deep, and grand!!! Anyway, hoping for a little sledding today.

Saw this movie this weekend. I enjoyed it thoroughly. This is what happens when a musical meets the real world. I laughed hard - mostly because when Disney meets real life it doesn't quite work.

Sleep

We are such stuff
As dreams are made on, and our little life
Is rounded with a sleep.
-Shakespeare

No one I know died today . . . but this just seemed like something to mark.

Doctors

Some doctors are not really as smart as the coat makes them out to be. If you aren't going to use common sense, then just bypass being a doctor that cares for my family members. I would rather a doctor actually look at a family member before saying that they don't need to stay in the hospital, rather than send them home without ever once setting eyes on them or their new chart information. It isn't the first time either, which makes me even madder.

Singin' In The Rain

Dream Land

I have a lot of dreams. I mean, I wake up most mornings and remember parts of at least one dream I have had. Back in college I had terrible dreams. Mostly because in real life I was running from a lot of things, and in my dreams they were all about running and being chased. After coming out of all that my dreams went back to normal (if you can call dreams normal). For the past couple of weeks they have become terrible again. This time I know I'm not running from anything, into anything I'm not suppose to, etc. but they persist. Put my finger on it on my walk this morning with Addie . . . I quit taking a medicine. I wasn't suppose to stop cold turkey, I was suppose to step down off of it. It is, of all things, an antidepressant. I'm not taking it for depression, but for headaches (go figure). I didn't mean to go off of it. It just sort of happened. I ran out and kept forgetting to go get more, my headaches didn't come back so I forgot. The kicker is I feel much better off of it than on it, but the dream thing really sucks. I think the dream thing will stop on its own. I think it all has to run it's cycle through my system.

Reel Geezers

Oh my gosh. I stumbled upon these two doing movie reviews. It gets a bit boring, but sometimes they some some of the funniest things. I wish I was still doing reviews when I am this age.

Quirkyalone

I have been reading this blog for about a week. You will find that I read quite a few random blogs by people I have never met, will never meet, and that makes some people uneasy. ANYWAY - I was reading his blog about a made up word: Quirkyalone. I would have to say, for the most part, I agree. The thought of preferring to be alone rather than just date every guy that has opposable thumbs (and some that have come my way with only one) is something I have been asked about quite a bit. Mostly from people who are incapable of not dating for more than 48 hours, and others from my family who wish I would just hurry up and get married already. Yeah, because that seems to work well in my family of 4 or 5 divorces, and a few of them that stay together just because they have kids. I guess if I put myself in the Quirkyalone category, that makes me an optimist. Something I would never say about myself - but RIGHT ON! I am intrigued by the book, may have to make a library trip.

Sucker

I'm a sucker for kids and I am a sucker for Star Wars.

loss

i'm at a loss for words. not sure when that will come back - but my guess is that it will be mostly movies and comics clips until i get back.

blah

yeah, thats right.

Goodbye Girl

I just finished watching Goodbye Girl. It was my mom and dad's first date. That is all.

Snow Day

I feel like I was just given a snow day. I am off today from one job, but on for another - just got the call that it will not happen tonight, so I am off all day. If this keeps up, I may not work tomorrow either. Good and bad. Good, that I have some time to focus on my new room, cleaning up the mess in the basement, and working on a book and other various projects. Bad, that I don't get paid to do all those things . . . so until I get to a place where I have vacation time then I am pretty much saving my pennies again. Slept in this morning, something I haven't done in weeks. It was nice, but short lived. I hopped up so that I could do all of the things listed above, only to wake up and see roads starting to get a bit bad . . . so, of course, I went out. I went out for a few reasons.

1. I need a sled. My last one bit the dust as I went head long into a parking lot last year. Causing minor injury and very scrapped sled. I think it could have lasted another season or two, but I didn't feel like keeping it. AND the last two snows I have been sick, so I haven't gotten out to get anything.
2. I needed snow boots. I haven't had a good pair of those since I was 8, and I thought it was about dang time. Try finding snow boots in February - all the stores have flip flops out.

Now all I need is some real snow, not this sleet. My hope is that it changes over and that the roads aren't terrible so I can go sledding.

Off to finish my chores so I can enjoy the freedom later.

not much

to report - but i do get to sleep in tomorrow. and that makes me uber excited.

sleep (updated)

use to be that if i had problems in my family or at work or whatever - i slept. it was easier that way, i would just (in my mind) sleep though it. those days are over, and instead of sleeping last night i laid awake wishing my dog would smother me with my pillow so i would, at the very least, pass out.

yes, my entries will be like this for awhile. due to this 365 blog thing i will be here, last 2 times someone was in the hospital, i didn't have this self imposed deadline, and you didn't have to listen to me bitch.

****Update****

i feel like i don't have a place. and it is starting to piss me off. i have an anger building inside of me that i can't let go in any healthy way - so instead i scream at my stuff that won't fit where i want it to fit, or that falls off a shelf, or that doesn't have a place. i think it may just be that i am tired . . . but i really want to rip something apart. i need a rock or fax machine hitting day really badly.

5 months

yes, i am going to talk about this. sorry.

it has been 5 months to the day since my old job and i parted ways. why do i bring this up? well because this day came upon me like a crushing wave. i know, i'm a drama queen. for the first month or two it was on the forefront of my mind - mostly because i didn't have another job. i had no idea what i wanted to do . . . do what i had been doing, just in a different place, or do something else all together. when the world is wide open for you it is almost harder than when you only have a few options.

anyway, i know i spent the first 3 weeks crying here, crying on the phone, and in person to people who may or may not have wanted to hear all my shit. to them, i say thank you. the next group of people are the ones who stuck it out until i had another job. i wasn't as obsessed with it all as much, but still talked about it on a regular basis - thank you. after awhile i quit talking about it as much. bitter diatribes here and there, pretty much that is still going on. randomly they come out. i don't mean for them to - they just do. it is almost like i have turrets or something, because i can be talking about something totally unrelated and all the sudden this crap will start coming out. so for those of you still keeping track of all that, and still patiently listening, i say thank you. some people got thanked 3 times . . . but i digress.

anyway, the last week or so has seemed harder for some reason. not as bad as the beginning, but not as good as later. i am working with new people now, and they are great people, but not the same. i think i am reaching a point where i am missing those from my old job more than before. maybe it is because i don't see them as much - and i know that over time it will stretch out more and more and more. emails will slow, as will phone calls, and eventually it will be like we were never friends - except for the lessons that they taught me along the way. i hope to god that doesn't happen, but it still plays in my mind that it will. mostly because of my neurotic nature in the end i will make that happen. i sit here as i watch me try to get them to go away and i don't even want to do it. it is like it is this other girl pushing them away, and i am screaming in the background trying to get her to quit pushing.

i don't know where i was headed with this. quite honestly i don't know where i ended up, but i know that i have to stop writing now.

Here Comes The Sun

I woke up this morning with a strange light in my room. It took me a minute, then I remembered, "Oh yeah, I have a window now."

Coincidence

Coincidence is God's way of remaining anonymous.

- Einstein

its all about me

many times in this blog i start on something and never finish it. i don't finish it in a few ways:

1. i either leave out specific details, or speak cryptically about it
2. i say, "i want to talk about something, but i don't have the words right now." sometimes i do talk about it later, you just don't know becasue i don't announce it. sometimes i hide it in a lengthy email that seems unrelated, or sometimes i never go back.

well i remembered an entry that i did want to finish. it was all the way back in July. July 18, 2007 to be exact. i have been skimming old entries for some reason. maybe it makes me feel better, maybe i just am curious about some things . . . whatever the reason i found it and realized that i do really want to fix it.

i want . . . to feel like i fit
i promise . . . to quit being so neurotic
i desire . . . to be loved
i need . . . a hug
i believe . . . that there is a place for me
i love . . . chaos
i hate . . . peace
i treasure . . . the things that you can’t put in a box
i am . . . a work in progress
i hope . . . that I will meet someone to walk beside me the rest of my days
i know . . . that none of this really matters

Indiana Jones

I think I'm about ready for this to come out. I groan when I see sequels coming out, but you can't deny that these have been pretty good movies overall, and people will pay to see the same thing over and over again. I do have a bit of an issue with the fact that these guys have become the action heroes that don't go away. Look at Rambo and Rocky. Where are the next generation of true action heroes? Matt Damon seems to be the only one picking up the slack anywhere. What is next? Rocky in the nursing home, fighting the guy down the hall for the woman in the next wing? Indiana Jones on the search for his missing dentures? Sometime it has to stop - and writers, now that you are back in action, lets see something new. You have had 3 months to think about it.

Get A Different Name Day

Today is Get A Different Name Day. How do I know, I looked it up. I am looking at the brighter side of this week - the brighter side for someone who is:

"Sarcastic and single and probably will be for a long time."

Get A Different Name Day is described this way:

"It is for those who are not fond of the name given to them. At birth, we are
given a first name, a middle name and a last name. It wasn't our choosing.
Rather, our parents bestowed it upon us. If you like your name, good for
you. If not, then today is for you. Take advantage of today to change your
name. "

I don't care about my name really - I mean, the name I go by isn't my first name. My mom and dad decided, in their infinite wisdom, to name me Mary Kathryn and call me Katie. From the beginning this is how it was. Two things bother me about that:

1. If you are going to call me Katie, then name me Katie. Life is too confusing to mess with that. On my first day of school . . . every first day I have to go through all this ordeal with my teachers about my name - and for a shy kid who didn't want to be looked at, much less speak out in class, it was hard. I mean, for some grades my mom would go in for parent teacher conferences and the teacher would go on and on about some girl named Mary. My mom would finally tell her the facts and then I would spend the rest of the quarter with my teacher and people in the class trying to call me Katie. Had I been a different child . . . say with the personality I have now, that would have been no big deal. But, unfortunatly, I was not who I am today, I didn't speak much - something I am making up for now in my middle years.
2. If you are going to call me by a shortened version of my middle name, shorten it to Katy. My Kathryn was spelled with a "y", shorten my name with a "y". I wasn't Kathrine - begging to spell my name Katie.

Stupid points, I know, but isn't that what I am here for - to make stupid points about things that make no difference and are, in and of themselves, stupid?

TV

I need to quit watching TV . . . seriously - it isn't even good, and yet I sit and stare.

Worry

I live my life in worry. What if I'm not good enough, what if people don't like me, what if I am too much, what if I'm not enough. I think some of that comes with growing up in this society, some of it is my own neurotic thought. Thursday there was a terrible shooting in Kirkwood. 6 people are dead, two more are wounded. I did not write about it because, well, because it didn't have anything to do with me. I live 20 minutes from Kirkwood, some of my greatest friends live less than a mile from where the shooting took place, but I knew no one that was shot. The long and the short of it is this: A man had long running issues with the city council. It had gone on for years and last week something just flipped his switch and he decided to go hunting - and he did, and it was horrible, and it is over, and there are families left without relatives, and a city trying to wrap their brains around what the hell happened. It was horrible, tragic, and totally fucked up - I know this. I feel sorrow for the families and for the town. Will this be in the back of my mind when I go to city council meetings? Maybe. Just like with 9-11, the smattering of school shootings that have occurred over the years, and the Oklahoma City Bombing, these are things that play on the mind a bit. But I can't live my life in worry about this. I can't live my life in fear that one day i will get shot, or mugged, or rapped and pillaged - makes living too hard. I can live my life doing what I love, seeing the people I enjoy spending time with (no matter where they live), and leaving what I can't control behind. To those of you reading, this is not eye opening. Who am I to say such things about an event that doesn't have to do with me - I am no one but someone trying to make sense of the world around me. So then the question begs to be asked: "Why do you worry about all that other stuff?" I don't have a clue.

Saving Jack

Why is Jack Black so misused in movies? He is either the hilarious supporting actor, or he is the weirdest main character (Nacho Libre?!?!?). He has so much more potential that he is waisting.

Cake

Retreat

It just makes my week go better to go by there and see them. I need to learn to do that on my own, but I doubt I will.

10th anniversary

today is the 10th anniversary of the day we started dating. i kept thinking that it would be a day that i would be depressed about. i mean i remembered . . . but it was actually quite the opposite. i remembered, but then i didn't really care. yes, you were my first love - but we were terrible for one another. i was totally messed up while we were together, and i have grown so much since we have been apart . . . so thanks.

(none)

Today I saw EXACTLY why I got fired - even though they never really put it into words . . . at least any that were understandable. I still don't get why they NEVER talked to me about it, and slowly let me work myself down to a nub before firing me . . . but I caught a glimpse of the reason today.

Bacon

I love this - it is perfect because I have no brain power to talk about today. Mostly because I have been awake for a long time, and had to get up before bedtime.

A La Mode

as is my fashion, i don't have much to say. i am off to bed early due to my 4am wake up for the polls tomorrow. i'm stepping out in a new direction and working as an election judge - i feel judge is a strong word for sitting around making sure the proper people vote in the proper places on the proper ballots and the proper number of times - but it is what it is. i will let you know how i feel about the people's right to chose a leader after tomorrow.

Evan Almighty

When I saw a preview for this movie I was not too happy to hear about it. Not for any particular reason other than it was a sequel, it was based on Noah (how the hell was that going to be pulled off), and I didn't think Bruce Almighty could handle a sequel . . . not many movies can do that very successfully. So I didn't go see it. I laughed when people told me it was pretty good, and I let it go by. In an effort to have something to watch with my mom, I humored her when she wanted to rent it - it was never in the store. It was always rented out. Rows and rows of this movie completely gone. Could Steve Carell pull off a movie like this after Anchor Man, Bruce Almighty, and 40 Year Old Virgin?? WHAT??? I use to watch Steve Carell on The Daily Show. I loved him on there. I really thought he was one of the best characters they had - but back then The Daily Show had such a small following no one ever knew who I was talking about when I would talk about Even Steven, or any of his Indecision 2000 reports. Say Michael Scott and they know now who I am talking about. Anyway, in an effort to make this rambling long story a bit shorter I will say this - I saw it. I saw it last Saturday. My roommate bought it, so we watched it. I loved it. Watched it again the next day when my mom came into town, and watched it again tonight. I asked a friend of mine if they had seen it, and he had pretty much the same reaction I did (well minus all the random talk about The Daily Show and his other random movies) - and to him I simply said: "It's funny. I laughed most of the time." There really isn't much more to say than that.

Liar

31

i made it through the first 31 days without much mishap. i'm surprised. just about 334 more to go?? i don't really have much to say. i've spent the last 3 days staring at the walls of my home, hoping that some day i am well enough to go outside. unfortunately people won't switch with me at one of my jobs, so i have had the privilege to go to work and infect the climbers and other belayer. it is like my own personal outbreak experiment.

103 . . . or 4

*note, back dated entry due to the fact that i wasn't really all that "up and at 'em" yesterday*

my temp is between 103 and 104 and i really think i may cook my brain, my liver, or my kidney and die.

whiner

i'm not trying to be a whiner, but i really don't feel very good.

night

good night. i know it is early.

Ready, Set, STOP

I was all ready to post about the concert I went to last night . . . and I may still post about it. But I was listening to a bit of music today, and while I didn't feel Floydian - this song came on. And I think it kind of fits how I feel about some of my life, and all the possible pasts that could follow me around . . . that I am trying to chose to forget. Video not done by Pink Floyd, but some other guy. Yeah, try finding this done by Pink Floyd, you get all their copiers.

silence

it is time now to embrace silence.

Family Ties

Family is funny. I don't know what it is about family that makes it so odd. I guess it has to do, a little, with the fact that with some of your family members you only speak to them because you are related. If I met my brother and sister and we weren't family, I don't know that we would be friends. We don't have the same interests, we aren't in the same life stages, I just don't think we would have become friends. It isn't that they aren't nice people, they are wonderful . . . just think about it. Parents are a different issue all together - because you ARE them. You are both of them, and neither of them, and it makes for interesting conversation and exchanges. I am 85% my dad, 65% my mom, and 100% me - that doesn't work, but in the end it does.

Paul Dateh

Ummm - well I found this on Yahoo's home page today. Pretty incredible (at least I thought so). He has a MySpace page I have been listening to this afternoon . . . and I hope to hear more from him.



From his MySpace page: http://myspace.com/pauldateh

Originally, Paul Dateh was only supposed to be a violinist. Beginning his
violin studies at the age of four, it seemed that Dateh’s future in the
classical industry was set in stone. But, on his first day at The University of
Southern California’s Thornton School of Music, Dateh suddenly dropped his major
in Violin Performance and enrolled in the Jazz Studies program instead. The move
shocked his colleagues as it was hard to understand why anyone would walk away
from fourteen years of classical training to begin learning an entirely new
musical discipline. But, Dateh knew that he wanted to be more than just a
classical musician; his goal was to become a musician, in every possible way.
Today, as a singer, an award-winning songwriter, and an instrumentalist, it
would appear that Dateh is on track to achieving his goal. His work can be heard
on releases by various artists within both mainstream and underground hip hop
circles, and he can currently be seen performing throughout the United States
with his band “The Live Movement”.

Pipes

Amy Winehouse . . . I have been hearing a bit about her problems - and I have never heard her music. I guess with all I have been hearing about her I just figured she sounded like Courtney Love . . . I was terribly mistaken. She is an amazing singer. I listened to two songs and felt like buying her CD. I won't - mostly because I'm on a bit of a spending freeze - but seriously, she has some pipes!

Priority

why is it that there is great civil unrest in Kenya, and they are killing each other by the truck loads, and half a million people have been displaced from their homes . . . yet the top story is about the death of an actor.

don't get me wrong. i think what happened with heath ledger is sad. but what is sadder is that our priorities here are misplaced on the fame of hollywood, rock stars, and political candidates, rather than on the real world issues of freedom in other countries, issues in our own country, and what we are going to do about real world problems like aids, slavery, and the continual loss of youth.

Tag . . . You're It

I got tagged today. I have never been tagged on a blog before, but I'm intrigued by it. I think it is a good way to discover new blogs that you wouldn't normally read. So here we go with the rules and regulations that I now have to put myself through.

1. Link to the person who tagged you.
2. Leave a comment on their blog so that their readers can visit yours.
3. Post the rules on your blog.
4. Share the seven (7) most famous or infamous people you have met. Or go with the original 7 weird things about yourself.
5. Tag 7 random people at the end of your post.
6. Include links to their blogs.
7. Let each person know that they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

I was tagged by this blog http://www.boscardin.org/. I don't know much about her, except from what I saw at a quick glance. She blogs more than once a day (from the looks of things), which is a very hard thing to do (just MHO). She is blogging from California, a far cry from the frigid temps of me here in St. Louis.

I am torn about what 7 things to write about. I think I chose to write about the 7 most famous or infamous people I have met.

• Carol Burnett - I didn't actually get to shake her hand, but I did get to tell her a joke. And, by the way, she laughed. I can forever say that I made Carol Burnett laugh.
• Fabio - I was standing at a baggage claim in the Tulsa Airport in 1997, and Fabio walked through with his body guard. The body guard was smaller than Fabio. No one stopped him to ask for his autograph or anything . . . I wonder why not?
• Greg Steir - The founder of a youth outreach/conferences called Dare 2 Share. I was a volunteer for one of his events here in St. Louis and due to the circumstances of how I came to volunteer and who I was with I got the opportunity to meet him and talk to him a bit about what he was doing and what we (The Bridge St. Louis) was doing.
• Kim Underwood - Joy FM radio personality and promotions director. The glue that holds Left Hands Music and our household together. Her quick whit, easy going attitude, and ability to withstand hours of Flight Of The Conchords and other movie trivia, is what makes her one of the best friends.
• Gina Manual - The coolest rocker of the group, and part time dog whisperer. Her laughter keeps us going, and her guitar rifts keep Left Hands Music on the cutting edge of musical performance. She also puts up with a lot of my crazy antics - which, of course, makes her a force to be reckoned with.
• John Schultz (and family) - Not a famous family, but they are a family of kind, generous, neat, hilarious people who always have a spot for me at their dinner table or on the sofa. It has been one of the greatest honors to be considered their friend. Every single one of them makes me feel humbled by their quick wit, intelligence, and kindness.
• Andrea Walter - She is the best librarian since Marian (which by the way, Marian helped me today at the library - something I would have posted if I hadn't been tagged). She puts up with a lot from me, including my erratic behavior and cussing nature.

As for the 7 random blogs . . . I would guess I would have to go with the tried and true method of a search. The first 7 that I find (in English)

• http://jottingforfun.blogspot.com/
• http://lilyontheroad.blogspot.com/
• http://14gems.blogspot.com/
• http://quantzgallery.blogspot.com/
• http://familylife-raquel.blogspot.com/
• http://pentacaricatures.blogspot.com/
• http://theindianadventure.blogspot.com/

If I hadn't been tagged today I would have talked abou this:
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080122/ap_en_ce/obit_ledger
What the heck? Heath Ledger is dead. It is so strange and sad that it happened. I am not personally impacted by this, but . . . wow.

Last One

I finished Flight of the Conchords last week. No, I'm not over them, I still watch quite a few of them over. I was asked tonight what my favorite song was from the show (not the stand up act they have) and I had to make a difficult decision . . . I think it is this one . . . or the Hip-Hop-opotamus song. Either way, this is the one I am deeming my favorite (at leas this week). I will try to be rid of these entries, but I just can't get over them.

Where is the line

Where is the line between real Christianity and crazy Christianity? I don't know that I will eve have the answer . . . which makes me sad. There is a kind of Christianity that says - I want to follow the teachings of Jesus, act like he did. Then there is the Christianity that says all sorts of things that he didn't say or do. If you really look at his life, I mean really look at it, he didn't go to "church". He actually showed them the ways that they were screwing up, and they didn't like it. They didn't like it so much that they had him killed. I don't know where I am going with all of this, but some day I want to understand what it really means to be like Jesus, and not like Christians - I guess it has kind of been weighing on me due to the fact that I am going to be working and most likely be a key player in a religion based company

random

There is so much I want to say to you. I want you to know exactly what I am thinking, but I have no words. I don't know how to get it out of my head and into your heart. I can't write it, I can't say it, I can't sing it, I can't play it. Maybe you already know, and that would be enough for me, but I don't think you believe it - and that would make it so much better.

it's all in the elbow

and then it happened. we got out of control (as is our usual) and started talking about peeing out of your elbow, and how that would be more convenient if you were on a long boat ride or out hiking . . . i guess no other instance would that be better.

Working Stiff

I couldn't straighten out my back by the time it was all said and done, and I hobbled into Dick's praying that we wouldn't have any adult climbers and that the other person working the wall that day would head up top to check the rigging. Well we had more adult climbers than I have ever seen in all 3 months of working there, and we were training someone new, and heaven forbid they or the one training go up there.

Can I get some rope

It is like being trapped in a petting zoo.

You Know Who You Are

I don't know who you are, but you might - and to you I say, "Thank You." You are very generous and kind.

There aint no party like my Nanna's tea party

I don't think that, overall, you will think that these are funny. In fact, I'm sure that you wish I would quit putting any of these guys on my post or talking about them, but . . . well . . . once I'm done watching them I suspect I will stop.

Today On Repeat

Well, I am still trying to work out THIS in my head. The fact that I still haven't written it says a lot of things.

1. That I am lazy
2. That I need to get better at this everyday blogging thing if it is going to keep my 3 readers coming back
3. I'm shy
4. More like I just don't really know what to say at all, and now I have built up a suspense around it and by the time I actually write the darn thing it will have been build up only to be a let down.

Alright, also I have been sucked into the world of Flight Of The Conchords, and I don't know when I will be sane enough to actually face the world again after the season is complete (well the season is over, but I am watching all the episodes at once . . . only 5 more left, so should be a day or so).

Flight Of The Conchords - Part Time Model

Lacking

All that was lacking was a fortune cookie - but that is overrated anyway.

Not It

Well this new look is not a Morgan - it is a template. I guess I just needed a bit of a change. Looks like I'm going to have to have a different website for my blog if I want to have it be something I design. So, expect for that sometime next year.

Juno

In the last hour I have become obsessed with Juno. I saw it on New Years Eve, but now I can't stop watching cast interviews, and random clips. I keep trying to get one embedded here - but that isn't working out so well for me . . . chalk that up as another reason I shouldn't be a web designer.

Today

Today is January 8th, and if I was really as lazy as I feel today - then that would be my entry. But I am trying to push past the 24 hour laziness that has befallen me. On my way home from a meeting tonight I was trying to formulate my blog entry (in my minds eye, if you will). It was coming together in a strange way, and I just don't know how to write it so that I don't sound like:

A. A stalker
B. A martyr

I don't know that it would, exactly, but I just don't want the wrong feel of the entry, because it is slowly becoming very important for me to get the thoughts out on virtual paper. I am in no shape to finish it tonight, so I am holding off for tomorrow . . . then the next day . . . and then I probably won't get around to it at all, so goody for you that you don't have to sit through it all.

30 to Life

Life is just hard. Gather a group of people into a room and you will hear at least one crappy thing going on in some one's life. Not always, but, in general it is just hard. It isn't that I want my life to be all roses and sunshine - because suffering is where growth occurs, but seriously sometimes it feels more like a prison sentence.

The Topper

I think that may be me . . . but I'm not sure. At least that was how I have been for the past 3 months.

shades of gray

i found another gray hair . . . or really someone else found a gray hair on my head. on the plus side, they show it to me when they find them. i am skeptical, this could be the other gray hair all grown back from when it was pulled.

hey, this all still counts - i haven't gone to bed yet on the 5th.

I said

I said I would post everyday - I didn't say it would be interesting. I'm just doing my job. Still reading through the code to possibly work my own page out . . . we shall see.

Many Thanks

I finished my Thank You cards today . . . all of them in one day. I ran out of cards and had to start using random cards that didn't mean than you at all. It was fun for me, but I'm glad they are done. Got a lot of Pink Floyd in while I was working on them - I think it will be a new fixture in the DVD player.

Old Luggage

I almost forgot. One day in and I forgot all about this blogging thing. Right now I'm not a fan of my page. I think it needs something - but I'm not sure what. Once I figure out how to fix it I am going to take a stab at making it different around here. But for now, you will have to hear me whine about how much my page looks like the inside of old luggage, and how stupid I am for signing up for this 365 days thing. Well, it isn't like someone is holding a gun to my head about it.

Long Year

It begins today. One down, 364 more to go.

Ah Pig, I know how you feel

New Year

You may have noticed the new badge I have on the sidebar - basically that means for 2008 I will be blogging every day. After tackling November, and doing rather well, I thought I would try this out. At the site where I signed up there were only about 200 people signed up, so what that means is it is going to be rough. Rough on me, rough on YOU. I may not write much every day (considering the last blog run I did made me leave this sight for almost a month), but I should be writing every day. You may find some back dated entries (like if I was away from a computer and wrote on paper what I wanted to write here), but all in all I should have 365 - they are giving us February 29th off.

Take Me To The Movies

There is a difference between good movies and bad movies. It isn't necessarily the script (although, it doesn't hurt to have a good one starting out), the difference lies more or less in the little things. The way the director thinks about the movie, the style that they have, the importance they place on the little details that most people don't think about. I spent a semester in a film class. That, in no way, shape, or form, makes me an expert on anything I say here. Everything I say about movies, books, life in general, is all opinion - but I can say without a doubt, that it is the little things in a movie that add up to it's success or failure. The littlest things can make the biggest impact - the camera angles (I'm talking about a difference of inches), the placement of the people on the screen, the colors used, the subtle nuances of movement and voice inflection. I have seen some great movies with horrible scripts. Come on, listen to Star Wars. I mean really listen to the words that are said. Block out the costumes, the use of visual effects, and characters and you have a really, really bad script. I saw a movie that took place in a phone booth. A PHONE BOOTH! No one saw it. It did terribly in the theaters, it wasn't a very good movie, but it was really well made. I am more likely to see another movie by that director (By the way, Movie: Phone Booth, Director: Joel Schumacher). Another Schumacher movie I hated, and will probably never see again was the Number 23 (I believe I have talked about it here before). Take away the crappy script, the fact that it is hard to take Jim Carrey seriously, and the plot that was a little out there and you have a very well made film. I guess the point I am really trying to make is there is a difference between a well made movie and a poorly made movie - I misspoke when I talked about a good movie vs. a bad movie. I will always go see pictures made by people like who plan out every shot, every angle, every color to be used, every movement, and every prop. The problem is, I also like poorly filmed movies, because they capture me in different ways. So, I can't even say what makes a good movie and a bad movie - it is all up to the person watching it. So where I started is not where I ended. I guess that is the difference between a good blog entry and a bad blog entry. The later being what I am best at.