New Heights

I use to be scared of heights. I don't think I ever really stopped, I guess I just started having a healthy relationship with it, instead of a dysfunctional one. I think there is a respect there between us now. This new respect started a few summers ago at the last wall I worked at. After 3 months walking around on top of a 30ft wall, I guess that is where we started coming to an understanding. Taking more time to get to know one another, talking, sitting, just being together - learning what made each of us tick. My wall now is a bit higher by 16ft, but the height is all the same. We picked right back up where we left off - an easy friendship of mutual respect and admiration. For some reason, it picked today to push me. It did it once before, after I was pretty tired, and had hurt his chances to be friends with another girl. She was scared, and about the time she started to get to know him better and develop a healthy relationship with him like I had, I messed up and said some things and did some things that made her scared again. It is a long story, and I don't really want to get into it - it took a week or so for us to heal our relationship, and so I would like to leave that in the past; but for about a week he was all "big and bad, scary height" and then we moved on. So today, I had a moment where we weren't friends again. I don't know what I did to make him mad. I do know I was a bit tired, so maybe he just knew that I wasn't in the mood so he got a little ticked. Whatever, I froze. Not for long, but there was a point when I was standing on the ground that I thought, "I can't go up and see him today. I just can't. Don't make me." It took me a few minutes to work up the courage to go say hello. I went and he wasn't a jerk once I was up there, but it was just . . . well it was just hard.