Indians finally won a game tonight. Broke their 6 game losing streak. I was worried after the 1st inning that it would soon be a 7 game streak, 3 to 0, but they were triumphant.
I don't know why I feel like I have to make a choice tonight, or tomorrow, or even this week about my social life - but it just really struck me today. While I was debating these choices this song came on. It isn't complicated . . . in fact it is quite repetitive. But in the end I think I needed that repetition to drive home a few ideas.
1. If I fail, I can make a correction
2. It is hard to know what I'm suppose to do . . . it is hard for everyone
3. And I don't have to make my decision tonight - tomorrow is a brand new day
Tonight - Sixpence None The Richer
Tonight it's time
Choose a direction
If you fail
You can make a correction
Somewhere now
Make life faster
Make your mind
Up for once this time
It's hard
To know
Where I'm
Supposed to go
It's hard
So hard to know
To know
Where I'm supposed to go
Tonight
Tonight
Tonight it's time
Choose a direction
If you fail
You can make a correction
Slower now
Make life faster
Make your mind
Up for once this time
It's hard
To know
Where I'm
Supposed to go
It's hard
So hard to know
To know
Where I'm supposed to go
Tonight
Tonight
Tonight I'm going let it go
And try to let it be
Because I know you see
That it's hard
To know
Where I supposed to go
But there is
A way
And tomorrow is a brand new day
Yes it's hard
So hard to know
Where I'm supposed to be
But there is a way
And tomorrow is a brand new day
Tonight
Tonight
5.16.2006
5.08.2006
Bliss
Nothing says "I Love You," quite like a KitchenAid Silicone Grabber, Color: White. Well actually two of them. Hey, it was on their list. So my cousin is getting married, and . . . well . . . that is what they are getting from me to kick off their life together. All I have to say is, I don't really get family. I thought we had a common respect for each other, maybe I don't.
I have felt very mean lately. Not just about my cousin, but about everyone. I have been very angry and hard toward people lately. I don't know if they have just been walking the line on my patience and now all the sudden they have crossed it, or if it is me. I think it has to be me, considering there are about 19 people that are over the line on my tolerance level. And if you are asking if it is you - it isn't, because the people it is wouldn't bother to ask (or read here). SEE, there I go again.
I am going but I leave you with this final thought. If you are thinking about getting the movie Derailed - don't. If you want to know what it is about I will tell you and spare you all the retina burning scenes. Overall I think the story was good, good twists, good characters - the bad guy really made it easy to hate him, but the way it was filmed was very graphic in all areas.
I have felt very mean lately. Not just about my cousin, but about everyone. I have been very angry and hard toward people lately. I don't know if they have just been walking the line on my patience and now all the sudden they have crossed it, or if it is me. I think it has to be me, considering there are about 19 people that are over the line on my tolerance level. And if you are asking if it is you - it isn't, because the people it is wouldn't bother to ask (or read here). SEE, there I go again.
I am going but I leave you with this final thought. If you are thinking about getting the movie Derailed - don't. If you want to know what it is about I will tell you and spare you all the retina burning scenes. Overall I think the story was good, good twists, good characters - the bad guy really made it easy to hate him, but the way it was filmed was very graphic in all areas.
5.04.2006
Day 14
Luke 13:11-13
And a woman was there who had been crippled by a spirit for 18 years. She was bent over and could not straighten up at all. When Jesus saw her, he called her forward and said to her, "Woman, you are set free from your infirmity." Then he put his hands on her, and immediately she straightened up and praised God.
What would it be like to be bent over for 18 years? What would it be like to suddenly be able to stand? I, personally, have never been inflicted where I was bent over at the waist, unable to straighten up - betting you haven't either. But, I am betting each of us has been bent over a time or two in our spirit. Think about it a minute. Maybe it is just me.
Every time my dog comes to me she has her head down. Every time, without fail. I have never hit her, or kicked her. I have never punished her for coming to me. But every time she comes her head is down. Like Oliver when he wanted more - he just knew something terrible was going to happen. She just knows that one time she is going to come and instead of patting, I will hit. I never gave her cause to think that, some other jerk put that thought in her mind by doing exactly that, and in her mind she can't separated the two. I think that is how I approach God. Head down, knowing the worst could come. He has never done anything of the sort, but someone else has - and in my mind I can't separate the two. I would call that a bent over spirit.
God help me to separate your truth from the lies I believe every day. The lie that I'm not good enough, or that I am un-lovable, or that I should not desire good things for my life. Put your hand on me and help me to straighten up and look you in the eye, rather than staring at your feet.
And a woman was there who had been crippled by a spirit for 18 years. She was bent over and could not straighten up at all. When Jesus saw her, he called her forward and said to her, "Woman, you are set free from your infirmity." Then he put his hands on her, and immediately she straightened up and praised God.
What would it be like to be bent over for 18 years? What would it be like to suddenly be able to stand? I, personally, have never been inflicted where I was bent over at the waist, unable to straighten up - betting you haven't either. But, I am betting each of us has been bent over a time or two in our spirit. Think about it a minute. Maybe it is just me.
Every time my dog comes to me she has her head down. Every time, without fail. I have never hit her, or kicked her. I have never punished her for coming to me. But every time she comes her head is down. Like Oliver when he wanted more - he just knew something terrible was going to happen. She just knows that one time she is going to come and instead of patting, I will hit. I never gave her cause to think that, some other jerk put that thought in her mind by doing exactly that, and in her mind she can't separated the two. I think that is how I approach God. Head down, knowing the worst could come. He has never done anything of the sort, but someone else has - and in my mind I can't separate the two. I would call that a bent over spirit.
God help me to separate your truth from the lies I believe every day. The lie that I'm not good enough, or that I am un-lovable, or that I should not desire good things for my life. Put your hand on me and help me to straighten up and look you in the eye, rather than staring at your feet.
5.03.2006
Day 13
Psalm 46:1-11
V10: Be still and know that I am God . . .
Be still: Just sit, stop the chaos in your mind. Pay attention to what is going on inside you and through you, not just around you. Just stop for one minute and listen.
and know: Stop listening to everything Warring within yourself and truly listen to the truth that is burred beneath all the noise and lies you pay attention to.
that I am God: Bigger than the chaos, and love you WITH the baggage you bring. But I love you too much to let you keep carrying it.
V10: Be still and know that I am God . . .
Be still: Just sit, stop the chaos in your mind. Pay attention to what is going on inside you and through you, not just around you. Just stop for one minute and listen.
and know: Stop listening to everything Warring within yourself and truly listen to the truth that is burred beneath all the noise and lies you pay attention to.
that I am God: Bigger than the chaos, and love you WITH the baggage you bring. But I love you too much to let you keep carrying it.
5.02.2006
Day 12
Been slacking, but that is OK (or at least I am learning that it is).
Day 12 - Exodus 3:1-6
I have always known that I am a worrier. I worry about what other people are thinking, what they mean when they say certain things, if I could have done that better, or if I could have done this differently. But I realized today that I am hyper. I don't mean hyper in that I can't sit still or that I have a lot of energy, but that I take every feeling and every thought to the extreme. In other words I run my life in overdrive. You are all saying, "Kate, this isn't news." I know it isn't, but I think today I really realized how far I have let it go. You might be asking what this has to do with Exodus 3:1-6 . . . NOTHING. It just came into my head while I was reading it (maybe it will loop). I question everything. Everything people say to me, every reaction I have. Was it the appropriate reaction? Was it a good reaction? Did I freak them out? Should I stay quiet? Should I talk? Should I say the first thing that pops into my head? Or would I just stick my foot in my mouth? Should I, do I, could I . . . the list is endless. It makes me tired.
In the end this entry was really a rambling. This whole hyper thing isn't clear in my head, and I thought writing it out would make it clearer - it didn't work. I guess what I am saying is be patient with me (I know you all already are). I am making mistakes, and will keep making mistakes, and will keep raking myself over coals for those mistakes, and some day I will stop. I am trying to stop. Maybe one day I will surprise you when I don't beat myself up. I am ready for that day (or even that hour).
Day 12 - Exodus 3:1-6
I have always known that I am a worrier. I worry about what other people are thinking, what they mean when they say certain things, if I could have done that better, or if I could have done this differently. But I realized today that I am hyper. I don't mean hyper in that I can't sit still or that I have a lot of energy, but that I take every feeling and every thought to the extreme. In other words I run my life in overdrive. You are all saying, "Kate, this isn't news." I know it isn't, but I think today I really realized how far I have let it go. You might be asking what this has to do with Exodus 3:1-6 . . . NOTHING. It just came into my head while I was reading it (maybe it will loop). I question everything. Everything people say to me, every reaction I have. Was it the appropriate reaction? Was it a good reaction? Did I freak them out? Should I stay quiet? Should I talk? Should I say the first thing that pops into my head? Or would I just stick my foot in my mouth? Should I, do I, could I . . . the list is endless. It makes me tired.
In the end this entry was really a rambling. This whole hyper thing isn't clear in my head, and I thought writing it out would make it clearer - it didn't work. I guess what I am saying is be patient with me (I know you all already are). I am making mistakes, and will keep making mistakes, and will keep raking myself over coals for those mistakes, and some day I will stop. I am trying to stop. Maybe one day I will surprise you when I don't beat myself up. I am ready for that day (or even that hour).
5.01.2006
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