Day 12

Been slacking, but that is OK (or at least I am learning that it is).

Day 12 - Exodus 3:1-6
I have always known that I am a worrier. I worry about what other people are thinking, what they mean when they say certain things, if I could have done that better, or if I could have done this differently. But I realized today that I am hyper. I don't mean hyper in that I can't sit still or that I have a lot of energy, but that I take every feeling and every thought to the extreme. In other words I run my life in overdrive. You are all saying, "Kate, this isn't news." I know it isn't, but I think today I really realized how far I have let it go. You might be asking what this has to do with Exodus 3:1-6 . . . NOTHING. It just came into my head while I was reading it (maybe it will loop). I question everything. Everything people say to me, every reaction I have. Was it the appropriate reaction? Was it a good reaction? Did I freak them out? Should I stay quiet? Should I talk? Should I say the first thing that pops into my head? Or would I just stick my foot in my mouth? Should I, do I, could I . . . the list is endless. It makes me tired.

In the end this entry was really a rambling. This whole hyper thing isn't clear in my head, and I thought writing it out would make it clearer - it didn't work. I guess what I am saying is be patient with me (I know you all already are). I am making mistakes, and will keep making mistakes, and will keep raking myself over coals for those mistakes, and some day I will stop. I am trying to stop. Maybe one day I will surprise you when I don't beat myself up. I am ready for that day (or even that hour).