One of my enemies

Desire is the enemy. I never really looked at it that way, but that is reality for me. If I desire to get married, or have kids, have a better position at my office, travel, etc. and it doesn't happen, then I am sad. That desire becomes my enemy because it causes me grief. So instead I kill the enemy before it can kill me. A few days ago I told someone that I decide my life sucks, so it does. The question is then why and the answer lies in the desires. I want to live in that stage of life where things just don't go well, because that is what I know. If I live my life desiring then I don't know what might happen. And if what I desire never comes to pass then I have been let down . . . again. Light bulb moment for me.

So instead of desiring big things, I want for little things, or things I can't control. I desire to have gray hair. I don't know why - probably because everyone else on the planet doesn't want gray hair. If I get gray hair or not, I can't control it. I have no hand in it what-so-ever. So if it doesn't happen that is ok, because then I have something everyone else wants. If I do then I am happy because I'm twisted and want gray hair. I root for a bad baseball team. The only reason is because I live in a town that worships their team and I want to be the opposite. If they have a good season or not, I have no control. Now, even in those things I face disappointment, but it isn't like I get dumped by my boyfriend, or I get fired from my job.

So that brings be to my random thought of being Floydian (not Freudian - big difference, don't get those confused). I was at a concert last week with some friends. We were talking about how people see life. I am not sure how this all came about - if we were talking about the band, or some other people we were with, or what (to be honest I was listening to the war protest music, trying to soak up the anger), but somehow the band Pink Floyd came up (key word anger). Now, I have always liked Pink Floyd. I had not really heard much of their music until recently, but in that time I have become hooked (different story, so I digress). We were talking about how they have a very pessimistic view of life. I said it was more than just looking at a glass and saying it's half full, or it's half empty for them. And I look at life like this water bottle (the bottle had about 3 swigs gone from it) I see it and I say it is about gone. And they said that sounded very Floydian (coining the phrase right then and there). I laughed and went back to the anger music. But I started thinking. I was joking when I said that the bottle of water was almost gone, but if I really thought about it, that is exactly how I see it. That is depressing.