Accident

I came to my blog just now by accident so I decided to write. Many of you, including me, thought that this whole "no tv" thing would mean that this blog would become a blog 365 - well that didn't happen. I think you are just going to have to come to terms with that because I am not a blog 365 kind of girl - no matter what the writing on the bathroom wall said.

I had a realization today. It has been something that has been slowly creeping up on me for about a year now. I think in the midst of this crazy job situation, and life situation, and the fact that I am finally coming to terms with leaving my last job and all the baggage that went a long with that, and seeing all my family last weekend, and watching my mom the last few months that this is all finally coming to the surface. And the realization is this - I am afraid of myself. I am afraid of me. I don't completely know what that entails because I have just had this realization while I was driving home today from some house tours I am did for work today (pictures of one to follow), so I don't completely know how to explain it to you . . . or really to myself. I have always know of a war going on inside myself. A war that has been fought since about 1983 at least (do the math on that one), with battles being won on both sides - some battles won with with major fatalities, and some with a simple handshake and a step aside. And I think that has something to do with this newly realized fear of me. I may work this out here, from time to time, I may not. I think I need a few days manual labor and it will become clearer to me - flood work here I come.