Expectations

I have been getting emails over the last day or so from people I graduated from college with. In the landscape architecture program we were a small bunch of 15 so we got to know each other quite well. It was no secret when I left that I was not happy with landscape, but I was willing to give it a try (for a little while at least). Up until about 8 months ago I had my ups and downs with my company - mostly downs. But in the last 8 months I have had a hard time remembering a really down time. Sure I have had my days where things didn't work out, but in the end it didn't really matter. "What are they going to do, take my birthday away?" But these emails have put me in a funk. If you measure success by the worlds standards - they have me beat. High paying jobs, promotions out the ear, and new homes. I don't have that. But if you measure success by a different stick, maybe I am ahead. I am happy where I am. Are they? Over the past month, or so, I have been obsessed with houses. I think it is part of the idea of success. I want so badly to be in a house that I own, to me that says that you have "made it." I don't know why, maybe it has to do with my family. Growing up we rented. We couldn't afford not to (Like all good parents, my mom never let me know how much we couldn't afford not to own a house, or have a lot of things she sacrificed to give me). I don't look at my mom and say she wasn't successful, so why do I say I'm not until I have a house? Why is it so hard not to look at the measuring stick of the world and get caught up in it?

BTW - Indians are terrible right now. They are NOT a success. It is going to be really hard to go watch them play the Cardinals next week. Because I know, going in, it is going to be a long shot. AND I will be sitting in Busch Stadium surrounded by Cardinal fans not Jacobs Field surrounded by fellow tribesmen. An Indian loss is always handled better on the home territory. BUT I am super excited to go!