Photos

Well kids - I would apologize about not being around more, but I'm not really all that sorry. After all the tv and movies that I am missing it seems that I don't spend much time around this other electrical entertainment device. Usually I hop on, check my email, facebook, and check out. I have even gone so far as to TURN MY COMPUTER OFF!?!?! Amazing really. Anyway, if any of you are on facebook some of these photos may be a repeat, but not all of my readers are on facebook. I applaud you all that are not on facebook - I sometimes wish that were still the case for me, but it is fun to catch up with those that I don't get to see very often.

Anyway, I promised a photo from my Great Night Pocket:

For those of you who don't know that cast of characters - from Left to Right: Me, Jim Gaffigan, Kim Underwood (Kimberly), and Gina Manual (or Sara as no one calls her)

If you are not familiar with Jim Gaffigan he is a very funny comedian that I have forsaken every other comedian for - including Frank Caliendo. Some of his more famous bits are Hot Pockets, Bacon, and some will hit it big from his current Sexy Tour after The DVD and CD release sometime next year. He also is the writer, producer, and voices for Pale Force. This is a clip of some of his earlier stuff, and also Sierra Mist.

OK - ENOUGH ABOUT THAT!

So umm . . . Oh, I started a new job a little over a month ago. That has been interesting. It uses some of my skills, a lot of skills I had a long time ago, and many skills I have never had. I am working at Covenant Seminary in their grounds department. I do mow a lot of grass, but I do get to do design work for them, and foresee a campus face lift in our future (over a long 30 year period after 4,019 meetings and board approval of every plant). Anyway, today was a rain day so I snapped a few pictures of my office and the shop:

Also, saw this guy yesterday and wanted to snap a picture. I'm not sure if he is just trying to be different, or if it just happened. Can't really explain nature - they are all the same tree variety, planted at the same time:

Well, I think that is enough for today. Maybe next time I will talk about my thoughts and feelings - but don't count on it. Be sure to weigh in on the poll. Most of you seem to be set on me seeing out this year long hiatus of mine. I agree with you, but wanted to see what a few people thought. Mostly because I keep getting people telling me that I should do this or that with it, creating rules and exceptions to something I did on my own. It isn't a rules and exceptions sort of thing - so I guess you will just have to deal with it won't you?

new poll

well i guess the upcoming election has me all keyed up for polls - so there is a new poll up for you to vote on. after this long of a hiatus from blogging i can't imagine there are many of my 3 readers left - but vote anyway.

Great Night Pocket

For my birthday (3 months ago) my roommates (great friends) bought me tickets to see Jim Gaffigan tonight (6 months ago). I have not watched any YouTube clips of any late-night shows he may have been a guest, because I wanted to hear his new jokes for the first time live. Jim did not disappoint. The night started off a little rough with a traffic jam holding us up and us walking in the door at 8 - the start of the show. Luckily they don't usually start on time. The opening act was great: Rich Brooks. Check him out if you get a chance. Funny guy with a great outlook on life and good delivery. Jim delivered as well with great bits about camping, fast food, bowling (using the word MOIST), beds, kids, circumcision . . . And classics like bacon and hot pockets. The whole place was alive and laughed non stop from the moment he walked on stage until he walked off (after the encore). I do have one complaint about the night - the people sitting on either side of us. On one side you had the show talker. She talked non stop - agreeing with Jim on every joke, and even finishing his sentences. On the other side was a screamer, and I'm just going to leave that one at that. After the show he did a meet and greet. I was sceptical of the whole thing. Wondering if he would be nice on the outside, but really be a jerk. But he shook hands, took pictures, and signed autographs for everyone there who wanted one. He even seemed almost shy about it, like he couldn't believe that all of us would want to meet him. When Kim told him that we loved to watch him in My Boys, it was almost like he couldn't believe we knew that show existed and that we watched it. He signed my CD "Happy B-Day Pocket" so I will hence forth be referred to as Pocket, and will only answer by that name. Just kidding, I will also respond to Miss. Pocket. Rich was also very kind, and I appreciated the way they both dealt with the mob. It would be a lot easier for them to just do shows and allow only certain people back stage - but they take the time to meet everyone that wants to, and that is neat.

If you are looking for a clean show, check them out. Even when he was talking about sex I wasn't embarrassed. I felt like I could have been watching with my grandmother and not been uncomfortable with what he was saying (of course she can barely hear . . . so).

Anyway, annoying fan picture to follow.

Hmmm

I haven't written in awhile, mostly because I haven't really had much time - well I have a bunch of time on my hands TODAY! A couple of weeks ago I gave a talk at one of my ponding groups. I didn't want to post it when I wrote it, because it was a couple weeks before I gave it - and I didn't want to give it away. I mean, it is a masterpiece. Anyway, here it is. I also added the questions I asked down below. Feel free to answer them. Drop me an email, or comment, or just think about the answers - I think it is good to see where you have come from and where you might be going:

*************

For those of you who know me – I’m a glass half empty kind of girl. A friend of mine once told me that the grass seemed to always be dead on my side of the fence. For much of my life I have had this to say:

That class was too hard, that class was to easy, it’s too cold, it’s too hot, there is nothing on TV, there are too many shows on right now that I want to watch, they give me too much work to do, I don’t have anything to do at work, that’s too long of a drive, I don’t want to walk, my dog is too playful, my dog never wants to play, where is the milk, I can’t find my left shoe, I don’t have anything to wear, I wish the neighbor’s dog would quit barking, I wish the neighbors would cut their grass, That movie isn’t coming out until when, they cancel all the good shows . . .

You get the idea. For me life just seemed (and sometimes still seems) difficult. So it would stand to reason that I am the perfect person to introduce the topic of dealing with difficulty and disappointment. Maybe most of my problem has to do with contentment – but I digress.

When I left college a few years back I moved to St. Louis to take a job with a small, but growing residential landscape company. I liked many of the aspects of my job, but was given little to no time in design – my first love. As time went on I was never given much more design time – and when I finally did the whole design would be changed by my boss. After 3 years with them I had grown tired of the whole thing. I made a couple of really great friends there but I was not sure how much longer I wanted to stay. About a year ago I started weighing my options and trying to decide if I wanted to stay or go. My prayer focus really shifted during that time to what God’s will really was in my life. You see there was a ministry that I was always interested in and they had some openings – was that what God wanted for me? The problem was I was praying a lot – asking God what he wanted me to do – but I never took one step. It is hart to steer a parked car. I did my job well, I had security there, and all of that was comfortable. On September 18th the day started like any other, but I came home that day without a job. The company was going to move in a different direction and my services were no longer needed.

I can’t tell you that I came home praising God for that meeting. I can’t tell you that I praised God much in the coming days. I really can’t tell you much about those first couple of weeks – but I do know that one of my first thoughts was – God, how could you let this happen? It took me many weeks, maybe even months before it changed to – God, thank you for showing me my next step. Honestly it is my faith in God, and remembering that he has my back that has helped me through. I know that my purpose in life is first and foremost for Him, and the rest is just decoration. Even a non-believer like Nietzsche understands that when he said, “If a man has a why for his life he can bear with almost any how.”

This last year for me has been mostly spent in the valley, so to speak. But during this time I have come to see that time in the valley is not necessarily bad. There are a lot of lessons, experiences, and opportunities in the valley.

A few people you will visit during your small group time are Moses, and Naomi. That doesn’t even mention Joseph, and most of the disciples.

Moses’ time in the valley (Exodus 2:11-4:31)
In summary this text is after Moses had to flee Egypt for killing the Egyptian soldier. It deals with his wanderings, marriage, and eventual conversation with God through the burning bush.

Exodus 2:16-17: Being in the valley teaches us how to serve. Lessons of servant hood are rarely learned during success
Exodus 2:23-24: Being in the valley teaches us how to trust. Moses, and the people of Israel had to learn how to believe even when God was silent.
Exodus 3:11 & 4:1: Being in the valley teaches us how to obey.

Naomi (Ruth 1:1-4:17)
In summary Ruth’s husband died and she moved with her mother in law, Naomi, back to where Naomi came from. Ruth did all she could to support them both – that is where she met Boaz whom she later married. To Naomi, life seemed hopeless after the death of her two sons and her husband.

Ruth 4:16-17: There is hope of what comes after the valley

*************

Discussion For Dealing With Difficulty and Disappointment

Q: What good is it to be in the valley?

Q: Did Jesus say his followers would have an easy road because they knew Him?
John 16:33

Q: What good can come out of disappointment?
Romans 5:3, James 1:2-4, 1 Peter 1:6-7, 2 Corinthians 1:3-7, 2 Corinthians 12:7-10

Q: Is there a time that you faced disappointment, and came out on the other side having some benefits for you or others? Explain.

Q: What are some things that you can do when you face difficulty and disappointment?
Pray, read your Bible

2 Thessalonians 1:5, 2 Corinthians 4:17, John 16:33

Check It

Sonseed Reveled

I'm A New Fan of "Sonseed"

It was all a blur

Well I was over at my friend Ben's blog and he had Coldplay's new video up. I have said this before and I will say it again about Coldplay - you had me at Yellow.

Anyway, after the video was over I saw a few others that might be of interest (you know how YouTube does that don't you?

Anyway - I saw Blur's video: Music Is My Radar, and I just had to share it for a few reasons:
1. They are all wearing helmets
2. I love choreography





As far as Ben's 1970 year book picture, I can't take total credit - I saw it first from Kim. Anyway, if I had graduated in 1974 with my mother I would have looked like this:

Now I Understand!

Cutter (old post)

I have heard about recurring dreams, but I don't have them. I have had recurring themes, or places in my dreams, I have also had one dream that I have remembered for 25 years. I may have told you this before - but I had a very strange dream when I was very young. I was probably 4 or 5. Picture the scenery like you would see in a Tim Burton movie - because that is how I saw it (before I even knew who Tim Burton was). In this dream I went with my mom to a very tall building. I couldn't even count the stories, but the base of the building wasn't that big. The whole first floor of the building was a waiting room. We both went in and sat down and waited patiently. I wasn't sure what we were waiting for, I was just there. A nurse came out and called my mom's name. She told me to just wait. A few minutes later this huge, fat, ugly woman came into the waiting room with about 19 kids of various ages, and stages of dirty. She went to the receptionist's window and spoke with her a bit. The receptionist pointed at me and the large untidy woman with 18 too many kids came over.

"You are coming with me." She said in the gruff voice of someone who smoked way too much.
"No, I'm here with my mom. I'm waiting for her." I tried to say with boldness, but it came out more like a squeak.
"She isn't coming out. It has been arranged that you are to come with me." She said with a snarl.
"She told me to wait." I said with tears in my eyes.
"She told you to wait - she should have said you were waiting for me. She is never coming out of where they have taken her. You are part of my family now" She said with a chuckle.

There was obviously a joke I wasn't understanding. I sat there a minute and debated the situation in my head. There was no way my mom wanted me to go with this crazy, smelly woman with 19 kids that all looked like they had been eating dirt before coming here. That wasn't it. And why were we here anyway.

I weighed my options carefully and took off for the door my mother had disappeared behind. It closed just before my "future family" could stop me. I opened every door I came to until I found her. I ran hallway after hallway, stairs after stairs. I finally opened a door to see her lying on a table . . . only she wasn't all there. And by "all there" I don't mean mentally, I mean physically. Her legs were gone, and part of her torso.

"Mom, what is going on?" I screamed, but she didn't hear me. She didn't even stir.
"We are cutting her up into little pieces." said a voice from behind me.
I turned to see a doctor standing there with his knife.
"It is a little experiment we are working on. Now be a good girl and go back down stairs and leave with your new family." He said matter-of-factly. Just like it is EVERY DAY that he cuts people in little pieces just to see what happens.

I ran up to where my mom's head was and whispered in her ear, "Mom, wake up. You have to stop all of this. Make them sew you back together and we can go home."

She opened her eyes and smiled at me and replied, "That woman down there will be a good mother." Then she closed her eyes again.

The woman I was to go home with grabbed me from behind and started pulling me away. I started screaming hysterically - then I woke up.

*****

Now mind you this dream took place back around the time my parents were getting divorced. In my mind she was my security, she was the only person I knew that would take care of me. Not that my dad was a terrible person - actually quite the opposite. But he just wasn't there. And I was afraid of that same thing happening with her. That one day she just wouldn't be there, without any really good reason why.

Fast forward to the time when I was going to write this post back in May. My mom was having a surgery. When you are there with someone having surgery there is that point where you are with them and then you are asked to leave, and then in a few minutes you can come back. That image in my dream sticks with me when she goes in for stuff like that. That image was there 5 years ago when she had cancer, and that image was there when I walked back in to see her before her last. It is in those moments that I wish that I never remembered my dreams, because I think the memory makes the whole situation much harder than it has to be.

What A Feeling

Mandalorian Dance @ Yahoo! Video

Olympic Feat

For as much flack that has been thrown around China hosting the Olympics, I am glad to see that the Opening Ceremony turned out so cool. These pictures seemed to capture it well.

http://www.boston.com/bigpicture/2008/08/2008_olympics_opening_ceremony.html

Running

I just got back from running - check the time. And it was HOT with a capital HO. More on that in another post (maybe once the running has actually made positive difference in my weight and I have something to show for it).

Anyway, checking on some blogs that I frequent and I saw this video: http://pauldateh.com/2008/08/03/45/

What makes this interesting is a few things.
1. I had just been listening to Beatles on my iTunes
2. Eleanor Rigby is my favorite Beatles song
3. How the HE . . . ck did he not know the words to the song?
4. He is a great performer. If you get a chance to listen to more of his stuff you should. I love his instrumental works the best.
Check him out on his web page: http://pauldateh.com/
On this video I posted: http://whereismycouch.blogspot.com/2008/01/paul-dateh.html

Trip

This is really the whole reason for my trip two weeks ago. Can't figure out who is who? Left to Right back row: Dad, Dana (sister), Brian (brother in law), David (brother), me. Front row: Keegan and Michael (sons of Dana and Brian), Josh (son of David), Morgan (daughter of Dana and Brian).

We had a great time - I still need to post some pictures of my own from the trip, but I am always slow at unloading my camera. Not really sure why my brother is giving Josh rabbit ears.

Death and Kickball (One of those never written posts)

There is this video called Kickball. I have seen it a few times at one ponding event or another and I find the same thought goes through my head every time - I really want that kickball (or whatever the kickball represents). For those of you who have not seen Kickball let me explain a little bit about it. It is a movie put out by Nooma and they are lessons written and given by Rob Bell (Are you able to catch up with all the links I am throwing at you? Just wait, it gets better!) Kickball in particular deals with the idea that God may take things away from you, or say no to something - but that there is something else better coming for you. Something you can't see. He uses the illustration of his son in the mall looking at a huge wall of toys (all of which would break after one use). Rob knew that when they left the mall they were going across the street to the sports store to buy a kickball. His son, however, did not know and all that he could think about was this one small toy in the mall. He wanted one so badly, not knowing that in just a few minutes he would have a much better toy. He equated that with our life, and the things that we want in life. Those things are not necessarily bad things, and it isn't wrong to want them - but maybe God knows something that you don't, maybe he has something better planned for your life.

Anyway at the last ponding event that I saw this (not my regular ponding a different pond) the room was pretty split on the discussion about it. But one person in particular stuck out. He just said it was hard to imagine that once God took something away from him that was so valuable, that there would be something better out there for him. He was sad about what was taken away from him, but he had hope in what may lie ahead. Two weeks before his fiance died of a terrible illness. He had spent the last year visiting her at the hospital 3 or more hours away. He would go to his classes, then work, then drive down and see her. Some nights he had to sleep in his car because they would not let him stay overnight at the hospital and he was too tired to drive home. One morning he came home at 5:30 in the morning and he couldn't remember if it was AM or PM, what day it was, even if he was getting into his car to leave or if he was getting out of his car because he just got home. He had hope that there was something better out there for him - as painful as that may seem at the time. I don't talk a lot in big ponding situations. I usually feel like most people have a good grasp on what is going on when others explain things the way they see it, so I don't really speak up - but they asked me to say something. I'm not really sure how to follow that up. What I lost was not a loved one, it was a job. And really not so much the job but what the job represented. The job said that I was capable of something, that I could survive on my own, that I was settled into a rhythm. Has the last 10 months been hard - you betcha. Have they given me a new outlook on life - yarp. Has it been better - sometimes. But when I find my way out of this puzzling maze I will have my kickball.

Stroll

I was strolling around my old posts today and I came across 4 old posts that I just titled and didn't write. It was funny, because at the time they seemed so important to write about - and I just didn't have the time or the mental energy at that moment (3 at the end of May around my mom's surgery, 1 in April after watching a really mind bending movie) to write them. When I found them it took me a minute to remember what 2 of them were about . I just kept staring at the titles trying to drudge up every experience I had and wondering what the heck I was talking about. Anyway - I think I have some time now to work on them so be looking for them over the next few days. Exciting stuff over here wouldn't you say? I'll bet you are super excited (all 2 of you who read here).

Later,
Morgan

This Moment

This moment right now is the perfect moment to sit back on the couch and pop in a good old movie. Like Harvey, or What About Bob, or Clue, or Hoodwinked, or Drop Dead Gorgeous - any of those that I can watch and know and fall asleep and not really miss anything. It is moments like these that are the teachable moments. The moments that say - you can read a book, take a nap, write someone you haven't spoken to in a long time, plan out your week, or just be in silence.

For those of you who missed flood work today - you missed out on a great time. Let me know if you are interested in going again - I am planning on a few more days out there myself. Nothing like tearing down a sand bag wall (or in my case making 60 sandwiches).

Accident

I came to my blog just now by accident so I decided to write. Many of you, including me, thought that this whole "no tv" thing would mean that this blog would become a blog 365 - well that didn't happen. I think you are just going to have to come to terms with that because I am not a blog 365 kind of girl - no matter what the writing on the bathroom wall said.

I had a realization today. It has been something that has been slowly creeping up on me for about a year now. I think in the midst of this crazy job situation, and life situation, and the fact that I am finally coming to terms with leaving my last job and all the baggage that went a long with that, and seeing all my family last weekend, and watching my mom the last few months that this is all finally coming to the surface. And the realization is this - I am afraid of myself. I am afraid of me. I don't completely know what that entails because I have just had this realization while I was driving home today from some house tours I am did for work today (pictures of one to follow), so I don't completely know how to explain it to you . . . or really to myself. I have always know of a war going on inside myself. A war that has been fought since about 1983 at least (do the math on that one), with battles being won on both sides - some battles won with with major fatalities, and some with a simple handshake and a step aside. And I think that has something to do with this newly realized fear of me. I may work this out here, from time to time, I may not. I think I need a few days manual labor and it will become clearer to me - flood work here I come.

What Day Is It?

A few years ago (OK about 5) I worked at a great camp in Arizona. The first week we spent getting to know one another before all the kids arrived. I didn't know a soul up there, and my time zones were all screwed up. Come to find out that was the case for more than me. At breakfast, after a few intense days one of the guys stumbled into the breakfast area and asked, "What day is it?" I'm not sure if he was just trying to be funny, or he really didn't know what day it was - knowing him as I do I would say a bit of both.

That is how I feel today. Last week was full, more full than it has been in a long time. None of my nights went as planned and my weekend was thrust upon me. The weekend was a blur of driving and family. Yesterday was a marathon day lasting about 12 hours. All leaving me to wonder when my alarm went off, "What day is it?"

My life is not hard, it is not stressful. My job is boring, and it is rare that I work any over time. My evening activities are few, and my weekends are even more open. Why am I unhappy in this?

Most days I just want to sell everything I own - use that money to pay of my meager school loan and my car, pack up my dog and drive away. I don't know where I would go, or what I would do. I guess when I ran out of gas I would stop and get a job there until I got enough money to put more gas in the car and drive some more. Life is really interesting when you don't have any ambition. I use to have goals and ambitions, now I'm not so sure.

Resurrect Me - Jon Foreman

I think I have been listening to this song way more than I should. I can't help it - the driving beat and the sound of the guitar make it irresistible. And the lyrics just top it off. Go listen to it if you can find it.

Resurrect Me - Jon Foreman

It takes a long time to kill a man
Fifty-five years at least
Until he breaks down
Starts to look underground
To go off, and get him some peace

I want to die a lot quicker then that
If that’s my only way out
I’ve been counting up the coast
Getting up on that cross
I want to know what this is all about

Father Time steals our days like a thief
There’s no price that I wouldn’t pay to get some relief
I’ve become the empty shell
Of a man I liked so well
I am a living, breathing hell
Come on and resurrect me

I tried to drown the pain with a friend of mine
It didn’t seem to help
She’s got a pretty face with her wedding lace
But I’m still waking up with myself

I know what it means to choke it down
Down until your legs get weak
I know what it’s like on a Saturday night
To be alone in a crowded street

Father Time steals our days like a thief
There's no price that I haven't paid to get some relief
I've become the shell of a man
I am beginning to understand
I've forgotten who I am
Come on and resurrect me

Resurrect me
Come on and resurrect me

While I Was Out

While I was out these comics were published and I wasn't around to see them. But they are great and must be shared: