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no title today. mostly because i am just lazy, probably won't spell check or take the time to press the shift key either. i have a class that starts in 25 minutes so i thought i would take a bit of time and write to you.

i don't know about you, but my video made me laugh . . . out loud. not because it was funny, or i am funny, but because i learned so much about myself. i guess i saw what everyone else sees when they talk to me - and that was hilarious. i have always known i don't stay on topic, and i jump around a lot, but what i didn't realize about myself are the little asides that i do on a regular basis. i have caught myself doing it since then, so that means i have been doing it a lot. someone even told me that they just like standing next to me to listen to the asides i give that i think no one hears. i guess i thought i was thinking them - apparently i was doing more than just thinking them.

long weekend behind me now. just have to make it through these next 4 and some change days to get to a three day weekend. i'm hoping to have it together enough to take at least one of those days and do no school work. i think at least a hike is in order, if not a full on overnight camping trip.

i got to the bottom of my tired state. well i have narrowed it down to one or more of the following factors:

• no running in 16 days (hopefully fixing that by joining the running club)
• eating out more, and eating more processed foods again
• depression (change does that to me)
• stress

my lack of time that i spend studying is my own fault. the problem is that i really don't want to limit the time i am spending on other things. i will have to start saying no, and that is always a problem, especially when i am trying to make new friends.

i have been doing quite a bit of reading for my issues in environmental sustainability class and i have one question: how to you cut through all the B.S.? everyone in this world has an agenda. so how to you learn to figure out the difference between their agenda and the facts? i'm still trying to figure that one out, mostly because i don't like agendas which is why i stay out of debates and remain neutral. maybe the ignorance was bliss for me, and now i am going to have to start making some decisions.

truck is in the shop again. 3rd time in 3 weeks. it is exciting for me to have these problems right now. but i have it easy compared to some people i know right now. and to them i say: keep after it, i'm behind you praying because that is the only thing i know how to do, and even that i don't do very well.

Lord I Was Born A Ramblin' (wo)Man

When I said the strip in St. Louis I meant Stillwater. I do that a lot, interchange the two. Probably because I forget where I am a lot.

Prayers for the People: #1

That I would love God more and myself less

I don't know about you, but this screams John 3:30 right after John the Baptist says he is not the Christ but, "He (meaning Jesus) must become greater; I must become less." Shouldn't that really be our goal as followers, to become less? I love God quite a bit. But I don't know that I can say that I love Him more than myself. I am usually putting what I want in front of what He wants. In the end that usually puts me in a bad spot, and He always comes through for me somehow, and then the cycle starts all over again.

Brother Lawrence has a lot to say about loving God more than yourself. I mean, the guy embodied the idea of constantly living in the presence of God. As a cook he prayed this:

"Lord of all posts and pans and things . . .
Make me a saint by getting meals
And washing up the plates!"

This guy was serious about living his life for God and with God. There are over 13 places in his book (so he didn't write all of it, most was written by people after they talked to him, or worked with him) where he talks about the love he has for God and how that makes everything else in life pale in comparison. I am just going to pick a few:

• He (Brother Lawrence) had always been governed by love, without selfish views; and that having resolved to make the love of God the end of all his actions, he had found reasons to be well satisfied with his method.
• Our only business was to love and delight ourselves in God.
• I renounced, for the love of Him, everything that was not He, and I began to live as if there was none but He and I in the world.
• Believe me, count as lost each day you have not used in loving God.

He was pretty serious about his love of God. How often do I look at loving God as the goal, or the end, of my actions and day? Here we go with the cycle again.

Prayers for the People: Intro

I have returned to the heart land, if that is what you want to call Oklahoma. You know what? The rumors are true, they are all cowboys down here. Well not everyone, but there are quite a few. I have seen a lot of cowboy boots, belt buckles, and cowboy hats . . . and I guess that makes me feel right at home.

I am starting a small series called Prayers for the People - the title being a rip off of the card given to me as I walked into church last Sunday. There are 7 prayers, so there will be 7 entries. I may get them done soon, or it may be Christmas before they are all finished - I don't know.

In Ephesians chapter 1, Paul talks about his prayers for the people of Ephesus:

"For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your
love for all the saints, I have not stopped giving thanks for you,
remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord
Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and
revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your
heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has
called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his
incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of
his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the
dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule
and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only
in the present age but also in the one to come. And God placed all things under
his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is
his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way."

From that leader's prayer, the pastor of my (like how I say my church as if I have been going there for years) church decided that they would pray 7 things for the people:

1. That we would love God more and ourselves less.
2. That we would live our lives from an eternal perspective.
3. That we would recognize the difference between soothing our consciences by doing good works and honoring God through sacrificial obedience
4. That we would model authentic Jesus-centered community that would inspire others to want to be a part of us.
5. That we would never be satisfied where our lives are but pursue God's vision of what our lives could be.
6. That we would eagerly embrace the truth, regardless of the cost
7. Though all of these actions are encouraged and expected, we would never manipulate or manufacture discipleship or good works; rather they would flow naturally from our transformed hearts as we submit to and rely on the Spirit.

I approached this the way I approach anything - with a formula, or trying to look at it with a step by step plan. What I quickly learned (actually already knew) is that you can't approach something like this with a formula. For some reason God doesn't fit into my formulas. So, I need to read the Bible and I wanted to re-read The Practice of the Presence of God with Spiritual Marxisms by Brother Lawrence. So by using verses and thoughts from Brother Lawrence I will come up with each entry. Still too formula, but it works for now. The entries may be bullet lists, they may be actual paragraphs (maybe even 5 paragraph essay style), or they may be a mixture of the two - I haven't thought that far ahead.

I Know . . .

I know that I say a lot of things, things that I will do on my blog or in life and then rarely follow up on them. Anyone remember the unfinished blog entries I was going to finish? They still aren't finished. As a mater of fact, I went through a few weeks ago and deleted them. I did that because I didn't want it hanging over me any more, so I got rid of them. Don't like how I operate? Well, neither do I sometimes.

Anyway, Flickr has been updated! I told you I would, and as you know I always do what I say I'm going to do . . . wait a minute.

Also, the first of seven blogs about something I heard at church last week is coming up. Did you ever doubt? As for the rest of the seven I think they will be harder than the first. The first was pretty much a gimme and the rest are a little harder. Anyway, that is coming up too.

As for my life here in Stillwater, what can I really say. It is hot, I dislike running alone, I have my dog back, I start work tomorrow for a few hours, school starts Monday, and all my parental units have officially been here to wish me well. After my dad left today I got sad again remembering that I am basically here alone. I am making friends . . . well one friend, but that is all I'm going to say about that.

School Daze

I haven't really posted or added any photos to my Flickr account recently. Mostly because I have been in transition for a few weeks. Before the move I had cables in boxes and things in disarray. Now the excuse is there is no internet at my apartment and . . . things are in disarray. Hopefully the internet problem will be solved on Friday (sometime between the hours of 8:00am and 8:00pm - what a window, thank you AT&T).

I have been working on a series of blog posts about something that I heard at church on Sunday. At this point it will take 7 weeks to complete it all due to the way I am approaching it. I don't claim that they will be brilliant, probably more bulleted lists of some thoughts about the 7 topics covered on Sunday. Started #1 yesterday afternoon before the AWESOME STORM that ripped through Stillwater. After finishing I was without power for about 3 hours - no packing happened during the outage . . . I use a lot of excuses.

Got my class schedule all figured out finally. Unfortunately the other class I have enrolled in only has an open section at night. So on Tuesday from 6:45 to 9:60 I will be taking Statistical Methods (grad level stat). I don't remember undergrad level stat, so I'm not sure how this is all going to work out. I officially start working on Thursday . . . I may try to bump that up to Wednesday due to my Friday marathon of internet waiting. Everything is shaping up to be . . . interesting. Still not sure how it is all going to work out time, money, and mentally - but it will.