It has been pointed out to me that I left something very important out of my Luck entry - credit to those who contributed. So without further adieu I give you those who gave me words to make my entry possible.
For the ending story - Not a Doctor (NAD for short). No link, no blog, just him, his humor, and his questions that make me think deeper (or try to help me not get lost in thought).
2.27.2006
2.26.2006
Weekend Update
Things I learned (or observed) over the weekend (in no particular order).
- No matter how many times you see bull riding, it still makes you cringe when someone gets knocked off
- I think everyone should get to go into work with rolling smoke at their feet, fireworks going off, and their name called over a loud speaker - it would do wonders for morale.
- I say some of the dumbest things, and the most profound things in one conversation, and I hope the profound things are what are remembered.
- I act like a high school girl with a crush, and I can't stop it.
- I forgot how hot Robert Wagner is
- Sometimes I feel like the first post card on Post Secrets this week - http://postsecret.blogspot.com/
- I really miss my friend Rachael, but I can see her in May. It will have been 2 years.
- Alfred Hitchcock was an awesome film maker. Not all of his movies were great (or even good), but the way they were made is beyond comparison. What would he have accomplished if he were a film maker today?
- In the last year and a half, I have tried to leave my job twice. In the last 3 months I can't imagine where I would rather work, or who I would rather work with.
2.25.2006
Luck
I was asked about Luck (I capitalize it because I can). I guess I wasn't really asked, it was more like I said, "I have my own opinion about Luck, but that is for another day." Well that day has come for me to come clean about it. The best way for me to approach it is to use the movie Signs
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Graham: People break down into two groups. When they experience something lucky, group number one sees it as more than luck, more than a coincidence. They see it as a sign, evidence that there is someone up there, watching out for them. Group number two sees it as just pure luck, a happy turn of chance. You can be sure that the people in group number two are looking at those 14 lights in a very suspicious way. For them, their situation is 50/50. Could be bad, could be good. But deep down, they feel that whatever happens, they're on their own. And that fills them with fear. But, there are a whole lot of people in group number one. When they see those 14 lights, they're looking at a miracle, and deep down they feel that whatever's going to happen, there will be someone to help them. And that fills them with hope. So what you have to ask yourself: What kind of person are you? Are you the kind that sees signs, and sees miracles? Or do you believe that people just get lucky? Or look at the question this way: Is it possible that there are no coincidences?"
Merril: One time, I was at this party... and I was sitting on the couch with Amanda McKinney. She was just sitting there, looking beautiful. So, I lean in to kiss her, and I realize I have gum in my mouth. So, I turn to spit it out and put it in a paper cup. I turn back, and Amanda McKinney throws up all over herself. I knew the moment it happened, it was a miracle. I could have been kissing her when she threw up. It would have scarred me for life. I may never have recovered. I'm a miracle man . . .
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I agree with Merril, I am a miracle (wo)man. Luck is not by chance, there is a plan and a purpose. Could I have said that without the movie? Yes, but it wouldn't have been as fun for me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
That (in a nut shell) is what I had a few days ago. I shortened it a bit. Then I got this feedback on my Air post, all about some junk happening at work which you have no knowledge of really, but the long and short of it is, we are having trouble with some employees:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
" . . . as Luck would have it, this was predestined? Someone I knew used to say if it wasn't for bad Luck (note capital L usage) he wouldn't have any Luck at all. . . "
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
That all brought me to a deeper wondering about the predestination of things. If I believe there is no Luck, if I believe there is a plan, then things have to be predecided. But what about free will? What role does free will play. God made us with free will, not as robots to do certain things and act a certain way. He created us to make all our own decisions. Some of those decisions are beneficial, some are not. Doesn't the very idea that he created free will rid predestination? Or does free will not effect predestination?
What if, in this situation at work, I chose to look at it postitively? I chose to say, these people needed to go. We don't have the number people we need, but did having those people make us better? Some of them had bad attitudes, that brings people around them down. Some people had fine attitudes, but their mind wasn't in the game. Is it beneficial to our company? Physically, we need those people, but on another level we don't. So, if I chose to look at it as a starting over place then that is my free will to act within a predestined situation. This could be a turning point in our company, it could not. It could be the point we start over and grow through this to be a better place to be. Every test that you pass is followed by a reward.
So Luck or no Luck, I still think there is a plan. Is that plan always fair to me or to others? My freshman year of college I did something really stupid. I kept doing it for about a year. I did it because I had free will to do it. I did it because it looked nice, and if felt good. Then I woke up and saw the destruction I left behind me. A life I had to put back together, a Mom I had to get forgiveness from, a God I couldn't because of the shame. I had free will, but I still believe that year was predestined. As bad as it hurt then, and still some today, I believe it was part of a bigger plan. The trick is to look at the bigger picture (if you can). After all of the destruction, pain, shame, and guilt I can look back and say "it all started with one bad night, what bad luck." Or I can say, "here is how I grew."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, he motioned for her to come nearer.
As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You know what?"
"What dear?" she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth and love.
"I think you're bad luck, will you get the hell away from me."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Graham: People break down into two groups. When they experience something lucky, group number one sees it as more than luck, more than a coincidence. They see it as a sign, evidence that there is someone up there, watching out for them. Group number two sees it as just pure luck, a happy turn of chance. You can be sure that the people in group number two are looking at those 14 lights in a very suspicious way. For them, their situation is 50/50. Could be bad, could be good. But deep down, they feel that whatever happens, they're on their own. And that fills them with fear. But, there are a whole lot of people in group number one. When they see those 14 lights, they're looking at a miracle, and deep down they feel that whatever's going to happen, there will be someone to help them. And that fills them with hope. So what you have to ask yourself: What kind of person are you? Are you the kind that sees signs, and sees miracles? Or do you believe that people just get lucky? Or look at the question this way: Is it possible that there are no coincidences?"
Merril: One time, I was at this party... and I was sitting on the couch with Amanda McKinney. She was just sitting there, looking beautiful. So, I lean in to kiss her, and I realize I have gum in my mouth. So, I turn to spit it out and put it in a paper cup. I turn back, and Amanda McKinney throws up all over herself. I knew the moment it happened, it was a miracle. I could have been kissing her when she threw up. It would have scarred me for life. I may never have recovered. I'm a miracle man . . .
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I agree with Merril, I am a miracle (wo)man. Luck is not by chance, there is a plan and a purpose. Could I have said that without the movie? Yes, but it wouldn't have been as fun for me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
That (in a nut shell) is what I had a few days ago. I shortened it a bit. Then I got this feedback on my Air post, all about some junk happening at work which you have no knowledge of really, but the long and short of it is, we are having trouble with some employees:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
" . . . as Luck would have it, this was predestined? Someone I knew used to say if it wasn't for bad Luck (note capital L usage) he wouldn't have any Luck at all. . . "
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
That all brought me to a deeper wondering about the predestination of things. If I believe there is no Luck, if I believe there is a plan, then things have to be predecided. But what about free will? What role does free will play. God made us with free will, not as robots to do certain things and act a certain way. He created us to make all our own decisions. Some of those decisions are beneficial, some are not. Doesn't the very idea that he created free will rid predestination? Or does free will not effect predestination?
What if, in this situation at work, I chose to look at it postitively? I chose to say, these people needed to go. We don't have the number people we need, but did having those people make us better? Some of them had bad attitudes, that brings people around them down. Some people had fine attitudes, but their mind wasn't in the game. Is it beneficial to our company? Physically, we need those people, but on another level we don't. So, if I chose to look at it as a starting over place then that is my free will to act within a predestined situation. This could be a turning point in our company, it could not. It could be the point we start over and grow through this to be a better place to be. Every test that you pass is followed by a reward.
So Luck or no Luck, I still think there is a plan. Is that plan always fair to me or to others? My freshman year of college I did something really stupid. I kept doing it for about a year. I did it because I had free will to do it. I did it because it looked nice, and if felt good. Then I woke up and saw the destruction I left behind me. A life I had to put back together, a Mom I had to get forgiveness from, a God I couldn't because of the shame. I had free will, but I still believe that year was predestined. As bad as it hurt then, and still some today, I believe it was part of a bigger plan. The trick is to look at the bigger picture (if you can). After all of the destruction, pain, shame, and guilt I can look back and say "it all started with one bad night, what bad luck." Or I can say, "here is how I grew."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, he motioned for her to come nearer.
As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You know what?"
"What dear?" she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth and love.
"I think you're bad luck, will you get the hell away from me."
2.24.2006
Sooner Or Later
Sooner Or Later - Michael Tolcher
Pull the hair back from your eyes
Let the people see your pretty face
Try not to say anything weird
Save your questions without answers
'Til your old enough to know that things ain't as they appeared
Before you go out in the sun
Cover your skin and don't get burned
Beware the cancer, it might kill you when you're old
Be first in line, raise your hand
Remember everything you hear
And playing in the rain is worth catching cold
Sooner or later
We'll be lookin' back on everything
And we'll laugh about it like we knew what all was happening
And someday you might listen to what people have to say
Now you learn the hard way
We only want what's best for you
That's why we tell you what to do
And nevermind if nothing makes sense
'Cause it all works out in the end
You're just like us without a friend
But you can build a privacy fence (Yeah)
Sooner or later
We'll be lookin' back on everything
And we'll laugh about it like we knew what all was happening
And someday you might listen to what people have to say
Now you learn the hard way
Somethings you have to learn them all on your own
You can't rely on anybody else
Or the point of view of a source unknown
If it feels good and sounds nice
Then it's your choice don't doubt yourself
Don't even think twice
Pull the hair back from your eyes
Let the people see your pretty face
You know they like it when you smile (Find a reason to smile)
Try not to focus on yourself
Share that love with someone else
Don't let the bitters bring you down (Down)
Don't let anything bring you down
Sooner or later
We'll be lookin' back on everything
And we'll laugh about it like we knew what all was happening
And someday you might listen to what people have to say
Now you learn the hard way
Pull the hair back from your eyes
Let the people see your pretty face
Try not to say anything weird
Save your questions without answers
'Til your old enough to know that things ain't as they appeared
Before you go out in the sun
Cover your skin and don't get burned
Beware the cancer, it might kill you when you're old
Be first in line, raise your hand
Remember everything you hear
And playing in the rain is worth catching cold
Sooner or later
We'll be lookin' back on everything
And we'll laugh about it like we knew what all was happening
And someday you might listen to what people have to say
Now you learn the hard way
We only want what's best for you
That's why we tell you what to do
And nevermind if nothing makes sense
'Cause it all works out in the end
You're just like us without a friend
But you can build a privacy fence (Yeah)
Sooner or later
We'll be lookin' back on everything
And we'll laugh about it like we knew what all was happening
And someday you might listen to what people have to say
Now you learn the hard way
Somethings you have to learn them all on your own
You can't rely on anybody else
Or the point of view of a source unknown
If it feels good and sounds nice
Then it's your choice don't doubt yourself
Don't even think twice
Pull the hair back from your eyes
Let the people see your pretty face
You know they like it when you smile (Find a reason to smile)
Try not to focus on yourself
Share that love with someone else
Don't let the bitters bring you down (Down)
Don't let anything bring you down
Sooner or later
We'll be lookin' back on everything
And we'll laugh about it like we knew what all was happening
And someday you might listen to what people have to say
Now you learn the hard way
2.22.2006
2.19.2006
One Kickin' Entry
I feel as if I should write. After all of the random, short, and discombobulated entries I have had in the past 3 days, I fell like I should say something. Explain, or at least redeem myself with a kickin' entry. But I am all dried up. Maybe I have run out of things to scream about for attention.
2.18.2006
Romancing The Stone
Today has turned into a Romancing The Stone (RTS) day. What is a RTS day, you might ask? Well it is a very special day in which I watch the staple of my sanity. No a movie does not bring about sanity, but this particular one takes me back to a time in which confusion abounded and it was what I watched. Nevermind. But I am going to watch it.
2.17.2006
Reality
What is reality on the internet. What is true and what isn't? There are blogs all over the place claiming to be written by famous people. Is it them, or just someone saying they are them. Once I stumbled upon one by Fred Durst, and once David Crowder. I venture a guess I wasn't at the right David Crowder site, because I found about 5 different ones later. The Fred Durst one still puzzles me, but I am pretty sure it was fake too. As for THIS GUY, he claims to be the artist for Ren and Stimpy. He is more believable due to the fact that he isn't really that popular anymore. His 15 + minutes are over. Just a question. You can be anyone you want to be in the internet and no one knows the difference. Kind of makes you question everything.
2.16.2006
Mixed
I am happy and kind of hurt at the same time. On the one hand, him moving to Rogers Arkansas makes it easier for me to move on. On the other hand, him moving to Rogers Arkansas makes his claims of wanting to stay in Tulsa for other reasons void - meaning he just didn't want to be here. Meaning he just didn't want to be with me. Happy because I am off the hook. No more worrying about that part of my future with him. Sad because I wasn't enough. Don't worry about feedback, I know what you all are going to say.
2.14.2006
Markers
Using color pencils and markers sure has a way of clearing the mind. Not only does the smell take off the edge (a sad side effect) but just the process moves things around in there in a way I can't really describe. Just using them to do something takes me back to something simpler, takes my mind off of the clutter and puts it to work on something that doesn't take thought. The act of taking it off of the clutter and onto something simpler has a way of just moving things around and making them easier when you are done.
Too Much Activity
I just want to turn my brain off but I am not sure how. Good thoughts, bad thoughts, negative thoughts, positive thoughts, thoughts I shouldn't have, thoughts that are ok to have, thoughts I don't want, and thoughts I do. They are all there mixed in together vying for my attention.
A Blog About Nothing
Yes, I stole from Seinfeld, but I don't care.
Kate - Ben Folds Five
She plays wipeout on the drums
The squirrels and the birds come
Gather round and sing the guitar
Oh i. . .have you got nothing to say
When all words fail she speaks
Her mix tape's a masterpiece
Walks through the garden so the roses can see
Oh i. . .have you got nothing to say
And you can see daisies in her footsteps
Dandelions, butterflies
I wanna be Kate
Everyday she wears the same thing
I think she smokes pot
She's everything I want, she's everything I'm not
Oh i. . .Have you got nothing to say
She never gets wet, she smiles and it's a rainbow
And she speaks and she breathes
I wanna be Kate
Down by rosemary and cameron
She hands out the Bhagavad gita
I see her around every couple days
I wanna see her so that I can say. . .hey Kate
All of that song is true (except for the Bhagavad gita- I don't really believe in that, and the drums part - I never learned to play). I am so awesome. Moving on.
Things I Learned On My Vacation, By Katie
1. I took "vacation days," that doesn't mean I was on vacation. I just drove around a bunch, slept in and watched my mom's cable.
2. I miss the cross puzzlel and crypoqote in the O'Colly (not necessarily the O'Colly, but the time I took every day to do puzzles and the people I did them with).
3. You can't go back, it just doesn't work - it does for about an hour then it all goes to pot.
4. Weddings make me anxious (especially when the accent bows on the pews and the chairs at the table are black with white dots and the dress I wore was black with dots!)
5. Our basketball coach is in deep ****
6. I am glad I don't live in Oklahoma, but I like our speed limit (75)
7. I don't know how to not work. Maybe if I had gone on a real vacation I would have left it all behind. As it was I thought about it a lot and thought maybe I should have just stayed. Is that all I know how to do is work?
8. I love my mom's friends, the are super cool.
9. I see the world in stained glass. I see a view or a picture and I think about how it would be built out of glass (and it disturbed me a little).
I am sure that there is more. But I am done for now. But I do have one question - why is it that only stupid boys call me? I want nice boys to call me.
Kate - Ben Folds Five
She plays wipeout on the drums
The squirrels and the birds come
Gather round and sing the guitar
Oh i. . .have you got nothing to say
When all words fail she speaks
Her mix tape's a masterpiece
Walks through the garden so the roses can see
Oh i. . .have you got nothing to say
And you can see daisies in her footsteps
Dandelions, butterflies
I wanna be Kate
Everyday she wears the same thing
I think she smokes pot
She's everything I want, she's everything I'm not
Oh i. . .Have you got nothing to say
She never gets wet, she smiles and it's a rainbow
And she speaks and she breathes
I wanna be Kate
Down by rosemary and cameron
She hands out the Bhagavad gita
I see her around every couple days
I wanna see her so that I can say. . .hey Kate
All of that song is true (except for the Bhagavad gita- I don't really believe in that, and the drums part - I never learned to play). I am so awesome. Moving on.
Things I Learned On My Vacation, By Katie
1. I took "vacation days," that doesn't mean I was on vacation. I just drove around a bunch, slept in and watched my mom's cable.
2. I miss the cross puzzlel and crypoqote in the O'Colly (not necessarily the O'Colly, but the time I took every day to do puzzles and the people I did them with).
3. You can't go back, it just doesn't work - it does for about an hour then it all goes to pot.
4. Weddings make me anxious (especially when the accent bows on the pews and the chairs at the table are black with white dots and the dress I wore was black with dots!)
5. Our basketball coach is in deep ****
6. I am glad I don't live in Oklahoma, but I like our speed limit (75)
7. I don't know how to not work. Maybe if I had gone on a real vacation I would have left it all behind. As it was I thought about it a lot and thought maybe I should have just stayed. Is that all I know how to do is work?
8. I love my mom's friends, the are super cool.
9. I see the world in stained glass. I see a view or a picture and I think about how it would be built out of glass (and it disturbed me a little).
I am sure that there is more. But I am done for now. But I do have one question - why is it that only stupid boys call me? I want nice boys to call me.
2.10.2006
While I Am Out
I will be out for a few days. Headed off to sleep and watch some cable. I might write (I know you all are waiting with held breath for my next post). While I am out I thought I would leave you with a little Jay Leno.
(Hint: Click on the Tonight Show logo)
2.09.2006
Stained Glass
I finished my project in my stained glass class. I don't think I really talked about it here at all, so "SURPRISE!" It looks better hanging up in some light, but get over it - it is dark outside and I can't hang it and have you see it. I guess I could go outside and look in, but it is too cold for that. So imagine it not sitting on a table and you can really see the colors not tainted by the brown behind it. So, next project - who knows but I am loving it.
2.07.2006
Pictures Of The Past
She pulles out the same picture every week. She smiles and laughs a bit when she does. I just look at it and smile because:
1- I know I should, and
2-I think the kid in it is cute.
I think the purpose of looking at the picture every week is for me to remember, for me to feel. All I think is "cute kid, but I don't remember her at all." What was that girl thinking and feeling? Was she happy? She looks happy with her paints, even at 4 she was coloring trees. Was she confused? Knowing what I know about that time in her life, I know it had to have been a confusing time. Is there a point of looking at the past? Of trying to remember a time that I can't, for the life of me, remember? I know that girl went through some stuff that had an impact on who I am today. So my one question is:
1- I know I should, and
2-I think the kid in it is cute.
I think the purpose of looking at the picture every week is for me to remember, for me to feel. All I think is "cute kid, but I don't remember her at all." What was that girl thinking and feeling? Was she happy? She looks happy with her paints, even at 4 she was coloring trees. Was she confused? Knowing what I know about that time in her life, I know it had to have been a confusing time. Is there a point of looking at the past? Of trying to remember a time that I can't, for the life of me, remember? I know that girl went through some stuff that had an impact on who I am today. So my one question is:
WHO WAS SHE?
2.06.2006
The Movie Trailers That Should Have Been
Maybe I shouldn't have done this all in one day. You know, spread it all out a bit. But, well, I figure that I know how to do it today, so I should just go for it today. Movie trailers that you never thought could exist. Enjoy.
Big
The Shining
BigBrokeback To The Future
2.05.2006
most of the time
most of the time i don't feel like a very nice person. most would say that i am being nice, but they don't know what i am saying on the inside.
Cynicism
Hi, my name is Katie and I am a cynic. I am also a second hand smoker, but that is a different meeting. For those of you who don't own a dictionary and can't really pinpoint what a cynic is, they are "a person who has little faith in human sincerity and goodness." Life seems to be easier as a cynic. As a cynic you don't really have to care about people because you don't ever trust them. For instance, I don't believe a word you say; therefore I can't be hurt by what you say. At the same time if you say something good, I don't believe you then either. So there is the good and the bad.
Good: you can't hurt me because I don't think you know what the hell you are talking about. Bad: you can't help me because I don't think you sincerely want to say those good things.
Some of you might be thinking - "what kind of life is that? How do you care or love?" Simple, I don't. If you don't trust, if you don't love, if you don't care - you can't get hurt.
Now the bright side of this depressing post - I am trying to change. I have been for a few months. I have been striving to see the good. I have not only been striving to see the good, I have been trying to believe it. So don't be alarmed when I laugh in your face when you say something nice, inside I am really tying to process it.
Good: you can't hurt me because I don't think you know what the hell you are talking about. Bad: you can't help me because I don't think you sincerely want to say those good things.
Some of you might be thinking - "what kind of life is that? How do you care or love?" Simple, I don't. If you don't trust, if you don't love, if you don't care - you can't get hurt.
Now the bright side of this depressing post - I am trying to change. I have been for a few months. I have been striving to see the good. I have not only been striving to see the good, I have been trying to believe it. So don't be alarmed when I laugh in your face when you say something nice, inside I am really tying to process it.
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