Pauses

We were wrapping up when some people asked some very real rhetorical questions, and related some interesting dreams, that I said:

"Why do we even have to have a building?"

This was met with a long pause, and about an hour long discussion of what that would look like and how that would actually be possible. And after a few more pauses I think we figured it out, that not only would it be possible, it would probably be preferred because that is the whole point of it all.

Photos

I have been watching Blogger Play off and on for about a month. They finally have a tool that you can put on your iGoogle so you can watch when you get on your computer. I am waiting for them to make a tool so that I can put it here on my blog page - like a picture or a cell of information (TAKE THE HINT GOOGLE GEEKS AND MAKE ME A CELL OF BLOGGER PLAY). Anyway, I have been watching Blogger Play, and it made me realize I don't put many pictures up here in my entries. Your inner monologue about my blog probably sounds something like this:

"What could make Katie's blog better? Gee, I can't think of anything right now - it seems so great already. Everything I could ever want is all here."

I totally agree, but I am finding more and more people have one picture or two to illustrate their blog point, or just to have up to say "I'm obsessed with famous people, so I am going to put up all the trash the paparazzi take." (a blog I saw recently, that made me worry about the future of our country and our obsession with famous people that have no value other than to look good in movies.) So, maybe that is what I will start doing - posting a picture. It may or may not have ANYTHING to do with the blog for that day. I will let you be the judge.

Either way - the picture today is from my first Photo Shop class. I am teaching myself Photo Shop and this was the first lesson. The picture I was given was all bright, and I had to make the one coin stand out from the rest of the picture by darkening the rest and leaving the coin alone. A great skill that took no time at all, and I'm not sure I still remember how to do now that it has been done. Wish me luck, I hope to finish off a Photo Shop self teach class as well as a Dream Weaver self teach class by at least the end of the year, if not by Thanksgiving.

Tuesday

As of tomorrow, I will be one step closer to a KETTLEBELL!

New Feeling

I woke up this morning . . . early. Not as in "early" before my alarm went off, like "early" I had to get up early. I was out late the night before partying it up after the Rockies win . . . wait, that wasn't it . . . right, those idiot Red Sox are winning all these games - jerks. No, I was out with some friends eating big cookies and ice cream, and chicken fingers, and garlic bread. Don't think all those things go together? Neither did I, but it worked out alright.



So, on with where I started. I woke up early, I had to be at church a little earlier this morning for a series of events. A new class, tech, and a meeting. The day got off to a slow start, I was moving slow, and dressing slow. The last place I wanted to be was out of my bed, and I was in the thick of it having to think during the service. I sat down at the computer and I felt something different. It wasn't external, it was internal. As time went on it intensified. I found myself smiling, tapping my leg to the beat of the music, even letting my little mistakes I made go. Was it . . . dare I say it - contentment, joy perhaps? It is a weird feeling, I don't feel it enough to really know - but I think that could be it. Here's hoping to it lasting longer than 12 hours.

Late

I noticed today that my profile said I was a landscape architect. I'm not . . . any more. So I updated it, about 6 weeks too late. I never look at my profile - I think overall it is outdated. Some of my favorite movies have changes, favorite books, even favorite artists. At some point it might not be worth it.

I'm not quite sure why I am writing this. Maybe because I'm bored. I have been up since 10 - and I haven't done anything all day but walk my dog and take a shower. I took a 2 hour nap with my dog from 1 to 3 by accident, and in a very uncomfortable position. I woke up 20 times to her kicking me in the stomach - but never actually got up so she would stop. I need to work more hours.

Entrances and Exits

Some people come in and out of your life so quickly. Giving you just a glimpse into who they are and where they are headed in life. Sometimes you get a good look at them, and just start to really get into your relationship to them before they are gone again. Some of them are gone forever, never to be heard from again. Some come and go at random intervals; leaving you to enjoy the time they are with you, or enjoy the time they are gone.

Some people come into your life and stay awhile. You get a chance to really see who they are. You learn their moods, you learn there history, you see into their future, and you really get a chance to know them and enjoy them like you would a great book. Those are the people in my life that I feel like I can never get enough time with. I am blessed with too many great books, that I don't have time to give them all the attention I want - or get all the stories told I want.

None of that makes any sense. So I guess I will go to the library and get a real book.

none

sandwich making is hard

working at the bridge is fun, but i wish i had more hours so i didn't have to make sandwiches

the indians are up 3 games to 1, but i don't think that is going to last through tonight

i want to read a really good story

actually i want you to read me a really good story - or to tell me one from your life.

New Gig(s)

Yesterday was Blog Action Day . . . or something like that. As a blogging community we were suppose to write about the environment . . . or something. As you can tell by my blog I didn't write anything political yesterday, and usually I don't. Why stray away from that now? For those of you who know me in real life - I'm not generally a political person, nor do I join bandwagons like the environment, or the elections. Am I off the wagon, or on the wagon? I don't remember which. I care about the environment, so I recycle when I remember, try to reuse things, and try to minimize my garbage. That isn't a bandwagon, that is just adjusting my life to do some things that can help. I stay up on current political trends, mostly just to know who I am going to vote for - but again, no agenda. I vote and that is the end of it. I'm not going to spend my time telling you who to vote for and why. Basically, I don't care enough. Maybe that is a problem, maybe that is apathy, maybe it is what more people should do, or maybe I should be more involved. Either way, I'm sticking to what works for me for now.

Well I have a new gig. Since my last post I have another new gig. So two new gigs. For one I was hired yesterday and I start today. It is at Jimmy John's - the best sandwich in town. I know there is a lot of debate over that fact, but its science. I use to eat at Jimmy John's all the time. I would eat there about 2 times a week, more if I had the money or the time. After awhile I quit going, because I realized that their whole operation was a gimmick. Every restaurant has a gimmick and I hate that. I just want to eat food. What I liked about JJ's is that there was no gimmick (I thought at the time). They were against the system, they ran against the grain, they had shirts dripping with sarcasm, and walls covered in signs and art that were just as drippy. What I began to realize is that wasn't anti-gimmick, that was the gimmick. So I quit going. Well this recent drought of work has put me in a position to take jobs I wouldn't normally take, so I went in and got the job. I'm excited. It isn't going to make me a lot of money, but I will be making some, and I can be pretty flexible on the hours for the most part. I may work a week and hate it, but I'm hoping not.

My other gig starts tomorrow. I will be working with The Bridge St. Louis. It is part time, for now, with building hours as time goes on. My hope is that I can gradually increase this and slowly phase out JJ's. Again, not going to make my fortune here, but the dividends are great. Mostly I will be a personal assistant until things really get moving, then I can phase into a permanent job with a different title. I am mostly excited about this one, since it is ultimately what I want to be doing with my life.

So that is about it I think. I'm actually kind of sad that my vacation is over. It was a month long, but I think I should have used it better. Oh well, I was being cautious in case I couldn't find a job.

M.

Relief

What a relief today was. After a week of wondering what the hell God was doing with me - I had a day full of encouragement and good news. I literally yelled at God this morning,

"THIS SUCKS! I MEAN IT REALLY, REALLY SUCKS. I JUST WANT ONE THING TO COME THROUGH FOR ME TODAY!"

And you know what happened. I didn't hear a booming voice come from the sky, or have a gentle wind blow through my hair - I got 2 phone calls, and 5 conversations with different people, and one dream job that I always imagined, but never thought it would be come a reality.

Who says God doesn't talk to people?

Yea

Not to rub it in any one's face or anything - but the Indians just beat the Yankees again tonight and they are moving on to the next round. Finally, my team is going forward, and a few Yankees are going to have to look for another team . . . possibly a new line of work. I was going to use an Indians picture - but this one seemed much more appropriate.

I hope they can beat Boston . . . keeping my fingers crossed on that one.

Vacation Day

Today I took a vacation. You didn't know I was going on a vacation? I didn't really either - I just decided yesterday I was going to take one. One day, that was all I was taking. Driving less than 2 hours to my destination and come hell or high water I was going to go. Come to find out it was rain that threatened my speedy trip . . . but that comes later.

I went to Onondaga Cave State Park. Never heard of it? Neither had I. I spent lunch time on a guided tour of the cave. There were 5 other people along (I thought kids were in school). It was pretty neat. I have been on several cave tours over my lifetime, I like them very much. Once, when I was in high school I went spelunking with a group - no tour, just you and a flashlight (and a prayer that you didn't get lost). The history of the cave was neat, and the formations were spectacular. No pictures - it was too dark in there and I didn't want the flash to bother people. So here is a picture from the website.

Before going into the cave I had decided to walk the two trails there to get some time away from the noise. After leaving the cave I was standing in a rain storm. I got in my car to leave, but I took one last drive around the park. I decided on the drive that I wasn't going to leave - so I drove to one of the trail heads and set off. I have done dumber things in my life, but this was something I needed to do. I walked on for a while, loosing all track of time and distance. I could hear the thunder in the distance, but I was barely getting wet because of the tree cover. I knew I wasn't in the main storm yet, just the outskirts of rain. I listened as the thunder came closer. I debated on turning around and going back - but I wasn't sure how far I had gone. I could be close to the end, or less than half way. So I tucked my head down and headed on, not really knowing what the rest of the trail would hold for me. The downpour came - but I didn't get completely wet, I was still protected by the trees. The storm raged all around me, but where I was had a calm to it. I came to a fork in the road. Go over to the next trail and another 3 miles, or stay on the first trail with little more to go. I decided to just head back to the car. I had had enough foolish adventure for one day.

So that sums it up I guess. Short vacation, but good for me none the less.

Writers Block

I got this book about 8 months ago. I had the dream of becoming a writer. I didn't care if I was really that good, I just thought I could be a writer. I always used the excuse that I never had the time. Well I have a lot of time now, and I'm not using one damn minute of it.

Anyway - back to the book. I looked all over the internet to find an appropriate picture. It is hard to describe the book - it is an actual block. I couldn't find one - only a picture of the cover, so I decided that I would take a picture of it myself. I think that took more time than looking for the picture, because I hated every picture I took of it. Finally I said F*#@ it and just used one. See that is how my life is and how that part of my life has been magnified by having time on my hands. I use to think if I can't do it really well there is no point in doing it. Now I think if I can't do it really well I will keep trying until it is perfect - and the more you do that the less happy you become with the results and in the end it drives you crazy. What if this free time literally drives me crazy? That is another post I suspect.

BACK TO THE BOOK! Anyway it is an actual block. It is full of words, pictures, and tricks from authors all to get you past the writers block. It can either be used to kick start your idea, help you out of those jams you get into after awhile, or to start you down a completely different track.

So, today I am starting. I don't know what I am starting - I just am. I could be the next great novelist, or the next great nervous breakdown . . . at this point it could be either one or somewhere in between.

the journey

i am standing in a hallway of doors
each one of them leading to somewhere different
some of them are locked
some of them are open
some have windows so i can see inside

this is where i will begin
the journey stars here
in a place of in between
in a place that holds no time
in a place that seems to be lonely

there is no sign of which door will open
what if it is one i don't try
where does each door start
where does each door lead
where does each door come from

blogger play

i have been spending the last few minutes watching blogger play - http://play.blogger.com/. i sometimes wonder if that is wrong. blogger play is a program that was written to show pictures that are being uploaded to blogger at the time. sometimes you can see that people are putting up a series of pictures for one entry. it is fun to watch what people are picturing. for some reason the day time has many foreign language blogs (you can click on the picture and read the blog with the picture). i don't know if it is because they are evening bloggers and that is now! anyway, it is fun to watch for a bit, sometimes there are some really cool pictures and you get to see places you would never get a chance to go.

tomorrow is the official start of week 3 of my involuntary vacation. i have actually grown tired of my vacation - i think because i haven't gone anywhere fun. mostly i hang around the house napping, reading, and watching a movie. i have applied for a few jobs, but so far nothing is really panning out. i was dragging my feet on really hitting the job search hard until i found out about one job in particular. i have wanted to work at this place for about 5 years, and now i have the opportunity. it is called the bridge - www.thebridgejoplin.com. i had a meeting with the head of it all yesterday - so it was do or die - and i guess the outcome was in the middle. i think i have a shot there if i can wait about 6 months. my money is going a long way these days, but not that far. so i either have to get a real job, or work at a minor job until the one i want becomes available. i think part of the problem is i don't know what i want to do for them. i don't really care if i sweep floors and clean bathrooms as long as i get to be there working there, the whole place just puts out this feeling that i can't describe. so when asked, what do you see doing here - i answer just being here is enough. i know that it isn't all roses and sunshine, probably most of it is the thorns and sun burn - but i honestly don't care. it is hard to tell someone that when they are in the middle of the 3rd degree burns applying aloe with band aids on their bleeding fingers. they know better than i do about it, so who am i to argue it. i guess i was most disappointed because in all of what has happened in the last 2 weeks i have seen a bigger picture, a bigger plan that i am a part of. when asking god to shut the doors he didn't want me to go through and open the one he did - i didn't expect to get shoved through one only to have it slammed and dead bolted behind me by getting fired (or being forced to quit). so i figured with something that big happening there had to be something big down the hall of doors i have available to me now. come to find out the door i want is locked with one of those chains, so i can open it a bit and see inside but i can't touch anything there. so i'm really left to wonder - where the hell is this other door i'm suppose to find.

did have a good lunch with a friend of mine. i don't know how he does it, but he always makes me feel a little bit better.