John Harder

Everyone - run, don't walk to your phone or email to drop John Harder (http://jharderphotography.blogspot.com/) a line. Tell him that he is an incredible artist and you want him to take your picture (or pictures of your wedding, family, friends, dog, bar b-q, family gathering, birthday party, WHATEVER just have him take your picture), you will be happy he did. Probably more than happy. He came out a month ago to take some pictures of my roommates and I. I was skeptical, I'm not much on having my picture taken. My mind was blown by the way he captured the fun we have together.

His website: http://jharderphotography.blogspot.com/
Our photos: http://jharderphotography.blogspot.com/2008/11/roomies.html

The Cars

I am sitting here trying to be still. I spent the day hauling brush and cutting down trees . . . ok, one HUGE tree. The Cars just came on my iTunes - my old boss loved The Cars, so now I am debating deleting them off of my list. I don't think I will ever really enjoy them again. Pathetic, I know. Ahh, Chicago - now that is a band I can get behind.

Songs From The Heart

I have been surrounded my whole life with music. I have never been all that musical, and neither has my family - but I grew up with a mom constantly playing Who Sings It in the car with me as we would drive around. Her station pick was oldies, 60's and 70's music that she loved growing up. I guess it made her feel all nostalgic. If I started to wane in my enthusiasm for the game she would sometimes give me a quarter for every right answer. I started getting good, so she quit the quarter part - and in the end that was a real deal breaker for me.

When I left home I came into my own when it pertained to music. Choosing bands that spoke (or seemed to speak) for my generation. Oozing of the young adult angst, and confusion of that time period in my life. In the past few years I have been surrounded with music lovers of all different tastes. My roommates are both music lovers. Both singers, one guitar player, one piano learner. Then there is me, no singing voice, and too impatient to learn an instrument (except maybe the drums, the jury is still out on that one). They introduce me to a lot of independent music, or other bands I would never choose on my own. There is also my music loving friend Tdivmua (his code name), who re-introduced me to those oldies, as well as greats from the 80's and 90's, and then his daughter who has the music that relates to her own young adult angst. There are a few others that have introduced me to new bands over the years. Some people I knew personally, and some friends I met on the internet. I don't just sit around listening to music a lot. I mostly have it in the background, and then I'm not really listening, it is just noise.

Today I was sitting in the living room looking out the window, just thinking. This week has given me a lot to reflect on (maybe more on that later, or not considering the 3 old blog entries I still have left unwritten, and the unused writers block on my desk). I can't tell you what I was really thinking about, just thinking I guess - when I heard the words to a song Kim was playing:

And this may not be the road I would choose for me
But it still feels right somehow
Cus I have never felt you as close to me as I do right now
So this is what it feels like to be led

All thinking just stopped and I started focusing on the words. It is a new song from Jeromy and Jennifer Deibler called "What it Feels Like (to be Led)". I asked to listen to it again. And then again. It seems like this song encapsulates the last year and a half of my life. There were no lyrics in the CD book, and I couldn't find anything online for it, so I wrote them out.

So this is what it feels like to walk the wilderness
And this is what it feels like to come undone
So this is what it feels like to loose my confidence
Unsure of anything or anyone

So this is what it feels like to walk the desert sand
This is what it feels like to hear my name
And to be scared to death cause I'm alone
But feel love and peace just the same

This may not be the road I would chose for me
But it still feels right somehow
And I have never felt You as close to me as I do right now
So this is what it feels like to be lead

So this is what it feels like to have it fall apart
To be totally unglued
And find out if I except my brokenness
I get more of me, I get all of You

This is what it feels like to be on shaky ground
Careful of every step I take
Realizing as I stop to look around
I look around and see everything a different way

And this may not be the road I would choose for me
But it still feels right somehow
Cus I have never felt You as close to me as I do right now
So this is what it feels like to be led
This is what it feels like to be led

So this is what it feels like to just walk away
From everything I thought kept me safe
To depend just on You for every meal
And find it's better this way
Oh it's better this way

And this may not be the road I would choose for me
But it still feels right somehow
And I have never felt You as close to me as I do right now
Like I do right now

This may not be the road I would choose for me
But it still feels right somehow
And I have never felt You as close to me as I do right now
And this is what it feels like to be led
And this is what it feels like to be led
And this is what it feels like

Sweatshirt

There is nothing like a great sweatshirt. My current great sweatshirt was bought in a country that needs no sweatshirts - Mexico. I guess the irony to that last statement is that I bought it on a warm day and I was freezing and needed one. I don't know why I was so cold, but I was. I think the memory of that trip contributes to the fact that it is a great sweatshirt - great trip, great friends, fun memories. But the actual idea of a great sweatshirt comes with the item itself, the extra stuff around it just add to the greatness.

Soft on the inside
Thick to buffet against the cold
Good hood that you can hide in with no string to bother you
Great sleeves to cover your hands when you forgot your gloves
Great front pocket big enough for your hands in mittens
Good for mornings in the basement when you just feel like blogging or working on art
Good for raking leaves in the fall
Good for a cold fall night at a bonfire
Good when meeting friends for a casual night
Good for napping in
Good for those times you just need a break
Good for times that you are alone with God
Good for times when you are at a huge party

Cookies

Fortune Cookies:

Write your own story. Don't let others write it for you.

Time heals all wounds. Keep your chin up.

Why did I write these down? Because I am cleaning off my desk and found them. I wanted to keep them, but I don't have anywhere for them. So now they are blogged. Done and done.

More Dreams

I keep having very vivid dreams, and I just can't seem to get a handle on them. They aren't bad dreams - just very real.

Last night I had a dream that a guy I have known over 4 years told me he had been in love with me for all of those years. I laughed because I didn't believe him, but I guess he was serious. We talked about it and I guess we went out, but I don't remember actually going out because about that time a huge war broke out between zombies and vampires and the human race. It was really quite complicated to have a three way war. The vampires were a bit easier because they only fought at night - but the zombies just kept coming. A little too Shaun of the Dead for me. I think the dwindling human population (who when they died just made the other teams stronger) finally had a foothold on the war when I woke up. So I guess by the time I actually start dating it will be the end of the world. Thanks for that.

Dreams

I had a dream last night that Obama and I were carpooling to church. What was funny about this is that I guess from the way I acted about it it was a regular occurrence. I mean not totally regular because of all his travel during the election, but in my dream the carpooling was normal. We talked about the election, and about his time in the White House. He was looking forward to it (obviously) but he was upset about something. I don't know what he was upset about, but I don't remember that part of the conversation - only that he was tense. When we got to church it wasn't any big deal. We just walked in. I don't know if we drove home together because I woke up in the middle of slides.

I don't put a lot of stock in dreams - but it was almost like this one was saying to me, we are all in this together. You are probably reading the dream and saying, "how in the world do you get that?" Well because we were. We were living life together. I don't mean in the same house, but just together, like a community. We are all (Americans) in this next four years together. I don't know if you voted for the guy or not, and you don't know if I voted for him or not - and none of that matters, because we are now all in this thing called life together. I don't know what the next four years are going to be like, but I am behind him. I am behind him because he was chosen to lead. Just like I was behind Bush because he was chosen to lead (and because he is totally HAWT). I may not always agree (because I didn't always agree with Bush, that's for sure), but I am behind him. That is what we are called to as a nation whether we voted for him or not.

Yesterday

. . .love was such an easy game to play.

No really, yesterday. The votes are still being counted, but we have a new President Elect. I think that it is funny that the people I talk to fall into two camps.

1. Yes We CAN! He is our hope! You are an idiot for voting for that other guy!
2. Oh My GOSH! We are all in so much trouble. We may all die, I can't believe everyone voted for that guy.

And why do I find that funny and worthy to write about? There is NO IN BETWEEN! I don't believe Obama is the political version of the messiah, but neither is he the political version of the anti-christ. Can we please just all look at the bigger picture. The world is still turning at the same speed, at the same angle, and the sun came up this morning like it was suppose to. I was reading a bit of Shane Claiborne yesterday as the results were coming in (yes, I watched them on TV - scandal of scandals) and he said something that struck me. He was talking about an election and the idea that we can't really put all of our hope into one day, one vote, one candidate, or one party. I abandoned hope in the party system a long time ago, and I chose about a year ago to let go of the idea that one man or woman (Hillary was running at the time) will not make this country all better, or go into the toilet (take out of wrapper, place directly in toilet - Lean Pocket). Does that make me un-American? No. It just makes me someone who isn't going to argue with you until I am blue in the face, or yell at the top of my lungs while you are doing the same. Some may say that is a cop out, but I don't really care. I'm not trying to be middle of the road, or PC, I'm just being honest. There is a middle road here. Obama is now President Elect. Are our problems of a nation over? No. Is there going to be change? Yes. Will he do the best he can in this job? Yes. Will he make some mistakes? Yes. Would McCain have tried his best? Yes. Would he have made some mistakes? Yes. That is the point. They are both human. They will try their best, and each would have made mistakes. Mistakes will happen, that is life. You have to learn to deal with your mistakes, their mistakes, and move on. Pray for this new guy in the White House - he is going to need it in this volatile world we live in. I know I am.

Tomorrow

Well tomorrow is the big day - you guessed it, the second day my boss will be on vacation . . . I think we vote tomorrow too. I am not completely sure because my mail box was flooded with propaganda when I got home.

I went through a phase where I loved movies about fake presidents. You know: Dave, The American President, and My Fellow Americans. I recommend all of them, especially My Fellow Americans - it is a riot. Anyway through this whole election season I just kept thinking of a line from The American President (one of those I could probably quote as well as Drop Dead Gorgeous, that is how many times I watched it). As one party was screaming at the top of their lungs about an issue, the other party was trying to out scream. I grew quite tired of it and just kept thinking:

". . . standing center stage and advocating at the top of his lungs that
which you would spend a lifetime opposing at the top of yours."

I went to IMDB to see if I was even close on the quote, and I was pretty darn close on it. Here is more of the speech that I think has some weight. Yes, I think the filmmaker had some good things to say in this movie if you take out the fact that the president gets a girl friend and all that Hollywood stuff.

America isn't easy. America is advanced citizenship. You've got to want it
bad, because it's gonna put up a fight. It's gonna say, "You want free speech?
Let's see you acknowledge a man whose words make your blood boil who is standing
center stage and advocating at the top of his lungs that which you would spend a
lifetime opposing at the top of yours. You want to claim this land as the 'land
of the free'? Then the symbol of your country cannot just be a flag. The symbol
also has to be one of its citizens exercising his right to burn that flag in
protest. Now show me that, defend that, celebrate that in your classrooms. Then
you can stand up and sing about the 'land of the free.'"

There was also an argument that I liked:

Lewis: People want leadership, Mr. President, and in the absence of genuine leadership, they'll listen to anyone who steps up to the microphone. They want leadership. They're so thirsty for it they'll crawl through the desert toward a mirage, and when they discover there's no water, they'll drink the sand.
President: We've had presidents who were beloved, who couldn't find a coherent sentence with two hands and a flashlight. People don't drink the sand because they're thirsty. They drink the sand because they don't know the difference.

I don't know who you are voting for. I do believe this is an important election and I am not taking tomorrow lightly. I have not given my opinion here on who I'm voting for and why because of a lot of reasons. The biggest reason being everyone telling me who to vote for and if I say differently they tell me that I am an idiot. I may be an idiot, but it isn't because of who I am voting for. The other reason being all the rhetoric being thrown around - there are many sides to every issue, and no matter what side of that issue you are on you think you are right. There is little room for error in that sort of situation, so I just chose to stay out of it this year from everyone (including my family).