My New Couch

Well gang, I found a couch - a real one. It is more of a loveseat than a couch. The throw pillows are made of some soft fabric. I just want to rub my whole face with them. The draw back to the pillows is I don't know what they are filled with, but it isn't squishy, but crinkly. The other person in the room with my couch is very kind, and wise. She knows the right questions and lets me figure out the answers in my own time, not rushing me. If I need to just sit - I can. If I need to talk - I can. One interesting thought from the night - "Are you just using your depression as a tool to not feel anything? Is it just something that you can use as an excuse for why you are not where you are in your life?" So maybe you all don't really get that question, but I do - and the answer has been hiding from me ever since the question was asked. Do I use it as a tool, a cover for other things? Maybe, maybe not, but it does raise a lot of interesting thoughts.