Beatle Bob

In my last post I eluded to Beatle Bob. Many don't know who Beatle Bob even is. He is a legend (at least here in St. Louis). You can find out more at his Wikipedia entry: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beatle_Bob, and also there is this neat-o-video: http://publicbroadcasting.net/kwmu/news.newsmain?action=article&ARTICLE_ID=1414401

Dance on Bob. I enjoyed seeing you at Trout Fishing In America.

Who Knows

I don't know where I found this, or what possessed me to put this on my blog (I came across this in my drafts). But I guess I had some time tonight to work on a draft or two so this was the first one on the list. If you ever get a chance to go see Trout Fishing In America - DO IT! Just got back from their rocking show at the library and they didn't disappoint. Beatle Bob was even there. Got some signatures to add to my signed CD collection.

Place an X by all the things you've done. Answer the 30 questions at the end.

(X) Gone on a blind date
(X) Skipped school
( ) Watched someone die
(X) Been to Canada
(X) Been to Mexico
(X) Been to Florida
(X) Been on a plane
(X) Been lost
(X) Been on the opposite side of the country
(X) Gone to Washington, DC
(X) Swam in the ocean
(X) Cried yourself to sleep
(X) Played cops and robber
(X) Recently colored with crayons
(X)Sang Karaoke
( ) Paid for a meal with coins only?
(X) Done something you told yourself you wouldn't?
( ) Made prank phone calls
(X) Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
(X) Caught a snowflake on your tongue
(X) Danced in the rain
( ) Written a letter to Santa Claus
( ) Been kissed under the mistletoe
( ) Watched the sunrise with someone you care about.
(X) Blown bubbles
(X) Gone ice-skating
(X) Gone to the movies

1. Any nickname: Morgan
2. Mother's name ? Mom
3. Favorite drink? Cherry Coke
4. Favorite drink? Alcoholic: Mojitos
5. Body Piercings? Yes, but I don't actually wear the ornaments
6. How much do you love your job? A lot, but I miss some of my old co-workers . . . OK 1 of them
7. Birthplace? Hospital
8. Favorite vacation spot? Cancun
10. Ever eaten cookies for dinner? Of course
11. Ever been on TV? Yep, but the TV isn't very sturdy so I don't get on it much
12. Radio?: Yes
12. Ever steal a traffic sign? Nope
13. Been in a car accident? Yes
14 . Drive a 2-door/4 door vehicle? 2 Door
15. Favorite salad dressing? Ranch
16. Favorite pie? Lemon Meringue
17. Favorite number? 13
18. Favorite movie: Yeah right
19. Favorite holiday? No
20. Favorite desserts? All
21. What is your favorite food? Jimmy John's
22. Favorite day of the week? Saturday
23. Favorite brand of body wash? Whatever soap is on sale
24. Favorite toothpaste? Closest to the end so I don't have to go into the aisle
25. Favorite fragrance? Pipes
26. Work on Sudoko puzzles? No
27. What is your number 1 pet peeve? Random quizzes
28. How do you see yourself in 10 years? The same as now, only 10 years older, and probably living in a hut.
29. Furthest place you will send this message? 2 feet
30. Who will respond to this the fastest? No one

John Harder

Everyone - run, don't walk to your phone or email to drop John Harder (http://jharderphotography.blogspot.com/) a line. Tell him that he is an incredible artist and you want him to take your picture (or pictures of your wedding, family, friends, dog, bar b-q, family gathering, birthday party, WHATEVER just have him take your picture), you will be happy he did. Probably more than happy. He came out a month ago to take some pictures of my roommates and I. I was skeptical, I'm not much on having my picture taken. My mind was blown by the way he captured the fun we have together.

His website: http://jharderphotography.blogspot.com/
Our photos: http://jharderphotography.blogspot.com/2008/11/roomies.html

The Cars

I am sitting here trying to be still. I spent the day hauling brush and cutting down trees . . . ok, one HUGE tree. The Cars just came on my iTunes - my old boss loved The Cars, so now I am debating deleting them off of my list. I don't think I will ever really enjoy them again. Pathetic, I know. Ahh, Chicago - now that is a band I can get behind.

Songs From The Heart

I have been surrounded my whole life with music. I have never been all that musical, and neither has my family - but I grew up with a mom constantly playing Who Sings It in the car with me as we would drive around. Her station pick was oldies, 60's and 70's music that she loved growing up. I guess it made her feel all nostalgic. If I started to wane in my enthusiasm for the game she would sometimes give me a quarter for every right answer. I started getting good, so she quit the quarter part - and in the end that was a real deal breaker for me.

When I left home I came into my own when it pertained to music. Choosing bands that spoke (or seemed to speak) for my generation. Oozing of the young adult angst, and confusion of that time period in my life. In the past few years I have been surrounded with music lovers of all different tastes. My roommates are both music lovers. Both singers, one guitar player, one piano learner. Then there is me, no singing voice, and too impatient to learn an instrument (except maybe the drums, the jury is still out on that one). They introduce me to a lot of independent music, or other bands I would never choose on my own. There is also my music loving friend Tdivmua (his code name), who re-introduced me to those oldies, as well as greats from the 80's and 90's, and then his daughter who has the music that relates to her own young adult angst. There are a few others that have introduced me to new bands over the years. Some people I knew personally, and some friends I met on the internet. I don't just sit around listening to music a lot. I mostly have it in the background, and then I'm not really listening, it is just noise.

Today I was sitting in the living room looking out the window, just thinking. This week has given me a lot to reflect on (maybe more on that later, or not considering the 3 old blog entries I still have left unwritten, and the unused writers block on my desk). I can't tell you what I was really thinking about, just thinking I guess - when I heard the words to a song Kim was playing:

And this may not be the road I would choose for me
But it still feels right somehow
Cus I have never felt you as close to me as I do right now
So this is what it feels like to be led

All thinking just stopped and I started focusing on the words. It is a new song from Jeromy and Jennifer Deibler called "What it Feels Like (to be Led)". I asked to listen to it again. And then again. It seems like this song encapsulates the last year and a half of my life. There were no lyrics in the CD book, and I couldn't find anything online for it, so I wrote them out.

So this is what it feels like to walk the wilderness
And this is what it feels like to come undone
So this is what it feels like to loose my confidence
Unsure of anything or anyone

So this is what it feels like to walk the desert sand
This is what it feels like to hear my name
And to be scared to death cause I'm alone
But feel love and peace just the same

This may not be the road I would chose for me
But it still feels right somehow
And I have never felt You as close to me as I do right now
So this is what it feels like to be lead

So this is what it feels like to have it fall apart
To be totally unglued
And find out if I except my brokenness
I get more of me, I get all of You

This is what it feels like to be on shaky ground
Careful of every step I take
Realizing as I stop to look around
I look around and see everything a different way

And this may not be the road I would choose for me
But it still feels right somehow
Cus I have never felt You as close to me as I do right now
So this is what it feels like to be led
This is what it feels like to be led

So this is what it feels like to just walk away
From everything I thought kept me safe
To depend just on You for every meal
And find it's better this way
Oh it's better this way

And this may not be the road I would choose for me
But it still feels right somehow
And I have never felt You as close to me as I do right now
Like I do right now

This may not be the road I would choose for me
But it still feels right somehow
And I have never felt You as close to me as I do right now
And this is what it feels like to be led
And this is what it feels like to be led
And this is what it feels like

Sweatshirt

There is nothing like a great sweatshirt. My current great sweatshirt was bought in a country that needs no sweatshirts - Mexico. I guess the irony to that last statement is that I bought it on a warm day and I was freezing and needed one. I don't know why I was so cold, but I was. I think the memory of that trip contributes to the fact that it is a great sweatshirt - great trip, great friends, fun memories. But the actual idea of a great sweatshirt comes with the item itself, the extra stuff around it just add to the greatness.

Soft on the inside
Thick to buffet against the cold
Good hood that you can hide in with no string to bother you
Great sleeves to cover your hands when you forgot your gloves
Great front pocket big enough for your hands in mittens
Good for mornings in the basement when you just feel like blogging or working on art
Good for raking leaves in the fall
Good for a cold fall night at a bonfire
Good when meeting friends for a casual night
Good for napping in
Good for those times you just need a break
Good for times that you are alone with God
Good for times when you are at a huge party

Cookies

Fortune Cookies:

Write your own story. Don't let others write it for you.

Time heals all wounds. Keep your chin up.

Why did I write these down? Because I am cleaning off my desk and found them. I wanted to keep them, but I don't have anywhere for them. So now they are blogged. Done and done.

More Dreams

I keep having very vivid dreams, and I just can't seem to get a handle on them. They aren't bad dreams - just very real.

Last night I had a dream that a guy I have known over 4 years told me he had been in love with me for all of those years. I laughed because I didn't believe him, but I guess he was serious. We talked about it and I guess we went out, but I don't remember actually going out because about that time a huge war broke out between zombies and vampires and the human race. It was really quite complicated to have a three way war. The vampires were a bit easier because they only fought at night - but the zombies just kept coming. A little too Shaun of the Dead for me. I think the dwindling human population (who when they died just made the other teams stronger) finally had a foothold on the war when I woke up. So I guess by the time I actually start dating it will be the end of the world. Thanks for that.

Dreams

I had a dream last night that Obama and I were carpooling to church. What was funny about this is that I guess from the way I acted about it it was a regular occurrence. I mean not totally regular because of all his travel during the election, but in my dream the carpooling was normal. We talked about the election, and about his time in the White House. He was looking forward to it (obviously) but he was upset about something. I don't know what he was upset about, but I don't remember that part of the conversation - only that he was tense. When we got to church it wasn't any big deal. We just walked in. I don't know if we drove home together because I woke up in the middle of slides.

I don't put a lot of stock in dreams - but it was almost like this one was saying to me, we are all in this together. You are probably reading the dream and saying, "how in the world do you get that?" Well because we were. We were living life together. I don't mean in the same house, but just together, like a community. We are all (Americans) in this next four years together. I don't know if you voted for the guy or not, and you don't know if I voted for him or not - and none of that matters, because we are now all in this thing called life together. I don't know what the next four years are going to be like, but I am behind him. I am behind him because he was chosen to lead. Just like I was behind Bush because he was chosen to lead (and because he is totally HAWT). I may not always agree (because I didn't always agree with Bush, that's for sure), but I am behind him. That is what we are called to as a nation whether we voted for him or not.

Yesterday

. . .love was such an easy game to play.

No really, yesterday. The votes are still being counted, but we have a new President Elect. I think that it is funny that the people I talk to fall into two camps.

1. Yes We CAN! He is our hope! You are an idiot for voting for that other guy!
2. Oh My GOSH! We are all in so much trouble. We may all die, I can't believe everyone voted for that guy.

And why do I find that funny and worthy to write about? There is NO IN BETWEEN! I don't believe Obama is the political version of the messiah, but neither is he the political version of the anti-christ. Can we please just all look at the bigger picture. The world is still turning at the same speed, at the same angle, and the sun came up this morning like it was suppose to. I was reading a bit of Shane Claiborne yesterday as the results were coming in (yes, I watched them on TV - scandal of scandals) and he said something that struck me. He was talking about an election and the idea that we can't really put all of our hope into one day, one vote, one candidate, or one party. I abandoned hope in the party system a long time ago, and I chose about a year ago to let go of the idea that one man or woman (Hillary was running at the time) will not make this country all better, or go into the toilet (take out of wrapper, place directly in toilet - Lean Pocket). Does that make me un-American? No. It just makes me someone who isn't going to argue with you until I am blue in the face, or yell at the top of my lungs while you are doing the same. Some may say that is a cop out, but I don't really care. I'm not trying to be middle of the road, or PC, I'm just being honest. There is a middle road here. Obama is now President Elect. Are our problems of a nation over? No. Is there going to be change? Yes. Will he do the best he can in this job? Yes. Will he make some mistakes? Yes. Would McCain have tried his best? Yes. Would he have made some mistakes? Yes. That is the point. They are both human. They will try their best, and each would have made mistakes. Mistakes will happen, that is life. You have to learn to deal with your mistakes, their mistakes, and move on. Pray for this new guy in the White House - he is going to need it in this volatile world we live in. I know I am.

Tomorrow

Well tomorrow is the big day - you guessed it, the second day my boss will be on vacation . . . I think we vote tomorrow too. I am not completely sure because my mail box was flooded with propaganda when I got home.

I went through a phase where I loved movies about fake presidents. You know: Dave, The American President, and My Fellow Americans. I recommend all of them, especially My Fellow Americans - it is a riot. Anyway through this whole election season I just kept thinking of a line from The American President (one of those I could probably quote as well as Drop Dead Gorgeous, that is how many times I watched it). As one party was screaming at the top of their lungs about an issue, the other party was trying to out scream. I grew quite tired of it and just kept thinking:

". . . standing center stage and advocating at the top of his lungs that
which you would spend a lifetime opposing at the top of yours."

I went to IMDB to see if I was even close on the quote, and I was pretty darn close on it. Here is more of the speech that I think has some weight. Yes, I think the filmmaker had some good things to say in this movie if you take out the fact that the president gets a girl friend and all that Hollywood stuff.

America isn't easy. America is advanced citizenship. You've got to want it
bad, because it's gonna put up a fight. It's gonna say, "You want free speech?
Let's see you acknowledge a man whose words make your blood boil who is standing
center stage and advocating at the top of his lungs that which you would spend a
lifetime opposing at the top of yours. You want to claim this land as the 'land
of the free'? Then the symbol of your country cannot just be a flag. The symbol
also has to be one of its citizens exercising his right to burn that flag in
protest. Now show me that, defend that, celebrate that in your classrooms. Then
you can stand up and sing about the 'land of the free.'"

There was also an argument that I liked:

Lewis: People want leadership, Mr. President, and in the absence of genuine leadership, they'll listen to anyone who steps up to the microphone. They want leadership. They're so thirsty for it they'll crawl through the desert toward a mirage, and when they discover there's no water, they'll drink the sand.
President: We've had presidents who were beloved, who couldn't find a coherent sentence with two hands and a flashlight. People don't drink the sand because they're thirsty. They drink the sand because they don't know the difference.

I don't know who you are voting for. I do believe this is an important election and I am not taking tomorrow lightly. I have not given my opinion here on who I'm voting for and why because of a lot of reasons. The biggest reason being everyone telling me who to vote for and if I say differently they tell me that I am an idiot. I may be an idiot, but it isn't because of who I am voting for. The other reason being all the rhetoric being thrown around - there are many sides to every issue, and no matter what side of that issue you are on you think you are right. There is little room for error in that sort of situation, so I just chose to stay out of it this year from everyone (including my family).

Photos

Well kids - I would apologize about not being around more, but I'm not really all that sorry. After all the tv and movies that I am missing it seems that I don't spend much time around this other electrical entertainment device. Usually I hop on, check my email, facebook, and check out. I have even gone so far as to TURN MY COMPUTER OFF!?!?! Amazing really. Anyway, if any of you are on facebook some of these photos may be a repeat, but not all of my readers are on facebook. I applaud you all that are not on facebook - I sometimes wish that were still the case for me, but it is fun to catch up with those that I don't get to see very often.

Anyway, I promised a photo from my Great Night Pocket:

For those of you who don't know that cast of characters - from Left to Right: Me, Jim Gaffigan, Kim Underwood (Kimberly), and Gina Manual (or Sara as no one calls her)

If you are not familiar with Jim Gaffigan he is a very funny comedian that I have forsaken every other comedian for - including Frank Caliendo. Some of his more famous bits are Hot Pockets, Bacon, and some will hit it big from his current Sexy Tour after The DVD and CD release sometime next year. He also is the writer, producer, and voices for Pale Force. This is a clip of some of his earlier stuff, and also Sierra Mist.

OK - ENOUGH ABOUT THAT!

So umm . . . Oh, I started a new job a little over a month ago. That has been interesting. It uses some of my skills, a lot of skills I had a long time ago, and many skills I have never had. I am working at Covenant Seminary in their grounds department. I do mow a lot of grass, but I do get to do design work for them, and foresee a campus face lift in our future (over a long 30 year period after 4,019 meetings and board approval of every plant). Anyway, today was a rain day so I snapped a few pictures of my office and the shop:

Also, saw this guy yesterday and wanted to snap a picture. I'm not sure if he is just trying to be different, or if it just happened. Can't really explain nature - they are all the same tree variety, planted at the same time:

Well, I think that is enough for today. Maybe next time I will talk about my thoughts and feelings - but don't count on it. Be sure to weigh in on the poll. Most of you seem to be set on me seeing out this year long hiatus of mine. I agree with you, but wanted to see what a few people thought. Mostly because I keep getting people telling me that I should do this or that with it, creating rules and exceptions to something I did on my own. It isn't a rules and exceptions sort of thing - so I guess you will just have to deal with it won't you?

new poll

well i guess the upcoming election has me all keyed up for polls - so there is a new poll up for you to vote on. after this long of a hiatus from blogging i can't imagine there are many of my 3 readers left - but vote anyway.

Great Night Pocket

For my birthday (3 months ago) my roommates (great friends) bought me tickets to see Jim Gaffigan tonight (6 months ago). I have not watched any YouTube clips of any late-night shows he may have been a guest, because I wanted to hear his new jokes for the first time live. Jim did not disappoint. The night started off a little rough with a traffic jam holding us up and us walking in the door at 8 - the start of the show. Luckily they don't usually start on time. The opening act was great: Rich Brooks. Check him out if you get a chance. Funny guy with a great outlook on life and good delivery. Jim delivered as well with great bits about camping, fast food, bowling (using the word MOIST), beds, kids, circumcision . . . And classics like bacon and hot pockets. The whole place was alive and laughed non stop from the moment he walked on stage until he walked off (after the encore). I do have one complaint about the night - the people sitting on either side of us. On one side you had the show talker. She talked non stop - agreeing with Jim on every joke, and even finishing his sentences. On the other side was a screamer, and I'm just going to leave that one at that. After the show he did a meet and greet. I was sceptical of the whole thing. Wondering if he would be nice on the outside, but really be a jerk. But he shook hands, took pictures, and signed autographs for everyone there who wanted one. He even seemed almost shy about it, like he couldn't believe that all of us would want to meet him. When Kim told him that we loved to watch him in My Boys, it was almost like he couldn't believe we knew that show existed and that we watched it. He signed my CD "Happy B-Day Pocket" so I will hence forth be referred to as Pocket, and will only answer by that name. Just kidding, I will also respond to Miss. Pocket. Rich was also very kind, and I appreciated the way they both dealt with the mob. It would be a lot easier for them to just do shows and allow only certain people back stage - but they take the time to meet everyone that wants to, and that is neat.

If you are looking for a clean show, check them out. Even when he was talking about sex I wasn't embarrassed. I felt like I could have been watching with my grandmother and not been uncomfortable with what he was saying (of course she can barely hear . . . so).

Anyway, annoying fan picture to follow.

Hmmm

I haven't written in awhile, mostly because I haven't really had much time - well I have a bunch of time on my hands TODAY! A couple of weeks ago I gave a talk at one of my ponding groups. I didn't want to post it when I wrote it, because it was a couple weeks before I gave it - and I didn't want to give it away. I mean, it is a masterpiece. Anyway, here it is. I also added the questions I asked down below. Feel free to answer them. Drop me an email, or comment, or just think about the answers - I think it is good to see where you have come from and where you might be going:

*************

For those of you who know me – I’m a glass half empty kind of girl. A friend of mine once told me that the grass seemed to always be dead on my side of the fence. For much of my life I have had this to say:

That class was too hard, that class was to easy, it’s too cold, it’s too hot, there is nothing on TV, there are too many shows on right now that I want to watch, they give me too much work to do, I don’t have anything to do at work, that’s too long of a drive, I don’t want to walk, my dog is too playful, my dog never wants to play, where is the milk, I can’t find my left shoe, I don’t have anything to wear, I wish the neighbor’s dog would quit barking, I wish the neighbors would cut their grass, That movie isn’t coming out until when, they cancel all the good shows . . .

You get the idea. For me life just seemed (and sometimes still seems) difficult. So it would stand to reason that I am the perfect person to introduce the topic of dealing with difficulty and disappointment. Maybe most of my problem has to do with contentment – but I digress.

When I left college a few years back I moved to St. Louis to take a job with a small, but growing residential landscape company. I liked many of the aspects of my job, but was given little to no time in design – my first love. As time went on I was never given much more design time – and when I finally did the whole design would be changed by my boss. After 3 years with them I had grown tired of the whole thing. I made a couple of really great friends there but I was not sure how much longer I wanted to stay. About a year ago I started weighing my options and trying to decide if I wanted to stay or go. My prayer focus really shifted during that time to what God’s will really was in my life. You see there was a ministry that I was always interested in and they had some openings – was that what God wanted for me? The problem was I was praying a lot – asking God what he wanted me to do – but I never took one step. It is hart to steer a parked car. I did my job well, I had security there, and all of that was comfortable. On September 18th the day started like any other, but I came home that day without a job. The company was going to move in a different direction and my services were no longer needed.

I can’t tell you that I came home praising God for that meeting. I can’t tell you that I praised God much in the coming days. I really can’t tell you much about those first couple of weeks – but I do know that one of my first thoughts was – God, how could you let this happen? It took me many weeks, maybe even months before it changed to – God, thank you for showing me my next step. Honestly it is my faith in God, and remembering that he has my back that has helped me through. I know that my purpose in life is first and foremost for Him, and the rest is just decoration. Even a non-believer like Nietzsche understands that when he said, “If a man has a why for his life he can bear with almost any how.”

This last year for me has been mostly spent in the valley, so to speak. But during this time I have come to see that time in the valley is not necessarily bad. There are a lot of lessons, experiences, and opportunities in the valley.

A few people you will visit during your small group time are Moses, and Naomi. That doesn’t even mention Joseph, and most of the disciples.

Moses’ time in the valley (Exodus 2:11-4:31)
In summary this text is after Moses had to flee Egypt for killing the Egyptian soldier. It deals with his wanderings, marriage, and eventual conversation with God through the burning bush.

Exodus 2:16-17: Being in the valley teaches us how to serve. Lessons of servant hood are rarely learned during success
Exodus 2:23-24: Being in the valley teaches us how to trust. Moses, and the people of Israel had to learn how to believe even when God was silent.
Exodus 3:11 & 4:1: Being in the valley teaches us how to obey.

Naomi (Ruth 1:1-4:17)
In summary Ruth’s husband died and she moved with her mother in law, Naomi, back to where Naomi came from. Ruth did all she could to support them both – that is where she met Boaz whom she later married. To Naomi, life seemed hopeless after the death of her two sons and her husband.

Ruth 4:16-17: There is hope of what comes after the valley

*************

Discussion For Dealing With Difficulty and Disappointment

Q: What good is it to be in the valley?

Q: Did Jesus say his followers would have an easy road because they knew Him?
John 16:33

Q: What good can come out of disappointment?
Romans 5:3, James 1:2-4, 1 Peter 1:6-7, 2 Corinthians 1:3-7, 2 Corinthians 12:7-10

Q: Is there a time that you faced disappointment, and came out on the other side having some benefits for you or others? Explain.

Q: What are some things that you can do when you face difficulty and disappointment?
Pray, read your Bible

2 Thessalonians 1:5, 2 Corinthians 4:17, John 16:33

Check It

Sonseed Reveled

I'm A New Fan of "Sonseed"

It was all a blur

Well I was over at my friend Ben's blog and he had Coldplay's new video up. I have said this before and I will say it again about Coldplay - you had me at Yellow.

Anyway, after the video was over I saw a few others that might be of interest (you know how YouTube does that don't you?

Anyway - I saw Blur's video: Music Is My Radar, and I just had to share it for a few reasons:
1. They are all wearing helmets
2. I love choreography





As far as Ben's 1970 year book picture, I can't take total credit - I saw it first from Kim. Anyway, if I had graduated in 1974 with my mother I would have looked like this:

Now I Understand!

Cutter (old post)

I have heard about recurring dreams, but I don't have them. I have had recurring themes, or places in my dreams, I have also had one dream that I have remembered for 25 years. I may have told you this before - but I had a very strange dream when I was very young. I was probably 4 or 5. Picture the scenery like you would see in a Tim Burton movie - because that is how I saw it (before I even knew who Tim Burton was). In this dream I went with my mom to a very tall building. I couldn't even count the stories, but the base of the building wasn't that big. The whole first floor of the building was a waiting room. We both went in and sat down and waited patiently. I wasn't sure what we were waiting for, I was just there. A nurse came out and called my mom's name. She told me to just wait. A few minutes later this huge, fat, ugly woman came into the waiting room with about 19 kids of various ages, and stages of dirty. She went to the receptionist's window and spoke with her a bit. The receptionist pointed at me and the large untidy woman with 18 too many kids came over.

"You are coming with me." She said in the gruff voice of someone who smoked way too much.
"No, I'm here with my mom. I'm waiting for her." I tried to say with boldness, but it came out more like a squeak.
"She isn't coming out. It has been arranged that you are to come with me." She said with a snarl.
"She told me to wait." I said with tears in my eyes.
"She told you to wait - she should have said you were waiting for me. She is never coming out of where they have taken her. You are part of my family now" She said with a chuckle.

There was obviously a joke I wasn't understanding. I sat there a minute and debated the situation in my head. There was no way my mom wanted me to go with this crazy, smelly woman with 19 kids that all looked like they had been eating dirt before coming here. That wasn't it. And why were we here anyway.

I weighed my options carefully and took off for the door my mother had disappeared behind. It closed just before my "future family" could stop me. I opened every door I came to until I found her. I ran hallway after hallway, stairs after stairs. I finally opened a door to see her lying on a table . . . only she wasn't all there. And by "all there" I don't mean mentally, I mean physically. Her legs were gone, and part of her torso.

"Mom, what is going on?" I screamed, but she didn't hear me. She didn't even stir.
"We are cutting her up into little pieces." said a voice from behind me.
I turned to see a doctor standing there with his knife.
"It is a little experiment we are working on. Now be a good girl and go back down stairs and leave with your new family." He said matter-of-factly. Just like it is EVERY DAY that he cuts people in little pieces just to see what happens.

I ran up to where my mom's head was and whispered in her ear, "Mom, wake up. You have to stop all of this. Make them sew you back together and we can go home."

She opened her eyes and smiled at me and replied, "That woman down there will be a good mother." Then she closed her eyes again.

The woman I was to go home with grabbed me from behind and started pulling me away. I started screaming hysterically - then I woke up.

*****

Now mind you this dream took place back around the time my parents were getting divorced. In my mind she was my security, she was the only person I knew that would take care of me. Not that my dad was a terrible person - actually quite the opposite. But he just wasn't there. And I was afraid of that same thing happening with her. That one day she just wouldn't be there, without any really good reason why.

Fast forward to the time when I was going to write this post back in May. My mom was having a surgery. When you are there with someone having surgery there is that point where you are with them and then you are asked to leave, and then in a few minutes you can come back. That image in my dream sticks with me when she goes in for stuff like that. That image was there 5 years ago when she had cancer, and that image was there when I walked back in to see her before her last. It is in those moments that I wish that I never remembered my dreams, because I think the memory makes the whole situation much harder than it has to be.

What A Feeling

Mandalorian Dance @ Yahoo! Video

Olympic Feat

For as much flack that has been thrown around China hosting the Olympics, I am glad to see that the Opening Ceremony turned out so cool. These pictures seemed to capture it well.

http://www.boston.com/bigpicture/2008/08/2008_olympics_opening_ceremony.html

Running

I just got back from running - check the time. And it was HOT with a capital HO. More on that in another post (maybe once the running has actually made positive difference in my weight and I have something to show for it).

Anyway, checking on some blogs that I frequent and I saw this video: http://pauldateh.com/2008/08/03/45/

What makes this interesting is a few things.
1. I had just been listening to Beatles on my iTunes
2. Eleanor Rigby is my favorite Beatles song
3. How the HE . . . ck did he not know the words to the song?
4. He is a great performer. If you get a chance to listen to more of his stuff you should. I love his instrumental works the best.
Check him out on his web page: http://pauldateh.com/
On this video I posted: http://whereismycouch.blogspot.com/2008/01/paul-dateh.html

Trip

This is really the whole reason for my trip two weeks ago. Can't figure out who is who? Left to Right back row: Dad, Dana (sister), Brian (brother in law), David (brother), me. Front row: Keegan and Michael (sons of Dana and Brian), Josh (son of David), Morgan (daughter of Dana and Brian).

We had a great time - I still need to post some pictures of my own from the trip, but I am always slow at unloading my camera. Not really sure why my brother is giving Josh rabbit ears.

Death and Kickball (One of those never written posts)

There is this video called Kickball. I have seen it a few times at one ponding event or another and I find the same thought goes through my head every time - I really want that kickball (or whatever the kickball represents). For those of you who have not seen Kickball let me explain a little bit about it. It is a movie put out by Nooma and they are lessons written and given by Rob Bell (Are you able to catch up with all the links I am throwing at you? Just wait, it gets better!) Kickball in particular deals with the idea that God may take things away from you, or say no to something - but that there is something else better coming for you. Something you can't see. He uses the illustration of his son in the mall looking at a huge wall of toys (all of which would break after one use). Rob knew that when they left the mall they were going across the street to the sports store to buy a kickball. His son, however, did not know and all that he could think about was this one small toy in the mall. He wanted one so badly, not knowing that in just a few minutes he would have a much better toy. He equated that with our life, and the things that we want in life. Those things are not necessarily bad things, and it isn't wrong to want them - but maybe God knows something that you don't, maybe he has something better planned for your life.

Anyway at the last ponding event that I saw this (not my regular ponding a different pond) the room was pretty split on the discussion about it. But one person in particular stuck out. He just said it was hard to imagine that once God took something away from him that was so valuable, that there would be something better out there for him. He was sad about what was taken away from him, but he had hope in what may lie ahead. Two weeks before his fiance died of a terrible illness. He had spent the last year visiting her at the hospital 3 or more hours away. He would go to his classes, then work, then drive down and see her. Some nights he had to sleep in his car because they would not let him stay overnight at the hospital and he was too tired to drive home. One morning he came home at 5:30 in the morning and he couldn't remember if it was AM or PM, what day it was, even if he was getting into his car to leave or if he was getting out of his car because he just got home. He had hope that there was something better out there for him - as painful as that may seem at the time. I don't talk a lot in big ponding situations. I usually feel like most people have a good grasp on what is going on when others explain things the way they see it, so I don't really speak up - but they asked me to say something. I'm not really sure how to follow that up. What I lost was not a loved one, it was a job. And really not so much the job but what the job represented. The job said that I was capable of something, that I could survive on my own, that I was settled into a rhythm. Has the last 10 months been hard - you betcha. Have they given me a new outlook on life - yarp. Has it been better - sometimes. But when I find my way out of this puzzling maze I will have my kickball.

Stroll

I was strolling around my old posts today and I came across 4 old posts that I just titled and didn't write. It was funny, because at the time they seemed so important to write about - and I just didn't have the time or the mental energy at that moment (3 at the end of May around my mom's surgery, 1 in April after watching a really mind bending movie) to write them. When I found them it took me a minute to remember what 2 of them were about . I just kept staring at the titles trying to drudge up every experience I had and wondering what the heck I was talking about. Anyway - I think I have some time now to work on them so be looking for them over the next few days. Exciting stuff over here wouldn't you say? I'll bet you are super excited (all 2 of you who read here).

Later,
Morgan

This Moment

This moment right now is the perfect moment to sit back on the couch and pop in a good old movie. Like Harvey, or What About Bob, or Clue, or Hoodwinked, or Drop Dead Gorgeous - any of those that I can watch and know and fall asleep and not really miss anything. It is moments like these that are the teachable moments. The moments that say - you can read a book, take a nap, write someone you haven't spoken to in a long time, plan out your week, or just be in silence.

For those of you who missed flood work today - you missed out on a great time. Let me know if you are interested in going again - I am planning on a few more days out there myself. Nothing like tearing down a sand bag wall (or in my case making 60 sandwiches).

Accident

I came to my blog just now by accident so I decided to write. Many of you, including me, thought that this whole "no tv" thing would mean that this blog would become a blog 365 - well that didn't happen. I think you are just going to have to come to terms with that because I am not a blog 365 kind of girl - no matter what the writing on the bathroom wall said.

I had a realization today. It has been something that has been slowly creeping up on me for about a year now. I think in the midst of this crazy job situation, and life situation, and the fact that I am finally coming to terms with leaving my last job and all the baggage that went a long with that, and seeing all my family last weekend, and watching my mom the last few months that this is all finally coming to the surface. And the realization is this - I am afraid of myself. I am afraid of me. I don't completely know what that entails because I have just had this realization while I was driving home today from some house tours I am did for work today (pictures of one to follow), so I don't completely know how to explain it to you . . . or really to myself. I have always know of a war going on inside myself. A war that has been fought since about 1983 at least (do the math on that one), with battles being won on both sides - some battles won with with major fatalities, and some with a simple handshake and a step aside. And I think that has something to do with this newly realized fear of me. I may work this out here, from time to time, I may not. I think I need a few days manual labor and it will become clearer to me - flood work here I come.

What Day Is It?

A few years ago (OK about 5) I worked at a great camp in Arizona. The first week we spent getting to know one another before all the kids arrived. I didn't know a soul up there, and my time zones were all screwed up. Come to find out that was the case for more than me. At breakfast, after a few intense days one of the guys stumbled into the breakfast area and asked, "What day is it?" I'm not sure if he was just trying to be funny, or he really didn't know what day it was - knowing him as I do I would say a bit of both.

That is how I feel today. Last week was full, more full than it has been in a long time. None of my nights went as planned and my weekend was thrust upon me. The weekend was a blur of driving and family. Yesterday was a marathon day lasting about 12 hours. All leaving me to wonder when my alarm went off, "What day is it?"

My life is not hard, it is not stressful. My job is boring, and it is rare that I work any over time. My evening activities are few, and my weekends are even more open. Why am I unhappy in this?

Most days I just want to sell everything I own - use that money to pay of my meager school loan and my car, pack up my dog and drive away. I don't know where I would go, or what I would do. I guess when I ran out of gas I would stop and get a job there until I got enough money to put more gas in the car and drive some more. Life is really interesting when you don't have any ambition. I use to have goals and ambitions, now I'm not so sure.

Resurrect Me - Jon Foreman

I think I have been listening to this song way more than I should. I can't help it - the driving beat and the sound of the guitar make it irresistible. And the lyrics just top it off. Go listen to it if you can find it.

Resurrect Me - Jon Foreman

It takes a long time to kill a man
Fifty-five years at least
Until he breaks down
Starts to look underground
To go off, and get him some peace

I want to die a lot quicker then that
If that’s my only way out
I’ve been counting up the coast
Getting up on that cross
I want to know what this is all about

Father Time steals our days like a thief
There’s no price that I wouldn’t pay to get some relief
I’ve become the empty shell
Of a man I liked so well
I am a living, breathing hell
Come on and resurrect me

I tried to drown the pain with a friend of mine
It didn’t seem to help
She’s got a pretty face with her wedding lace
But I’m still waking up with myself

I know what it means to choke it down
Down until your legs get weak
I know what it’s like on a Saturday night
To be alone in a crowded street

Father Time steals our days like a thief
There's no price that I haven't paid to get some relief
I've become the shell of a man
I am beginning to understand
I've forgotten who I am
Come on and resurrect me

Resurrect me
Come on and resurrect me

While I Was Out

While I was out these comics were published and I wasn't around to see them. But they are great and must be shared:

Hiatus Update

Some of you have been asking me how it is gong with the whole absence of TV and movies thing, and I have to be honest - it has been really hard and really easy at the same time. Most nights lately I have been really busy. The first real test was last weekend, and I ended up with a full weekend without trying. This last week was just as full, and this weekend was kind of thrown on me at the last minute.

I need to pause (the French word for stop) for a moment and clear something up. This weekend trip is totally unexpected and unplanned. At this point I'm not even all the way to my destination and I am still in the dark as to how and when I am actually going to make it there and how and when I will actually make it home. That in, and of itself makes me a bit crazy - but I couldn't be more happy about the trip and the chance to see all my family in one place for at least 24 hours. It is rare for families to get together, it is even more rare for a family like mine to even desire to be in the same room - yet we do, and we will, and it will be great. I feel like I am leaving the impression in emails, Facebook, and this blog that I am upset about the trip - and I am not.

So the issues I thought I would face with this whole hiatus haven't been what I thought. There have been moments when I want to flip the TV on to see Scrubs while I eat, or watch Jim Gaffigan for the 19th time, or whatever. But for the most part I haven't really been effected. Movies are a separate issue, especially with Batman coming out today. All the buzz was bad enough, but now the real reviews are coming out. For some reason I tend to torture myself with movie trailers. I don't know why I do it. I see a link for a new movie and I watch it - like the movie called Take. It looks incredible and it comes out tonight . . . picture a movie like Crash (from what I can tell from the trailer). I can't figure it out, almost like I can see a piece of it just so I know what is going on.

The thought was when I started was what was I going to do with all the Internet access to movie clips, trailers, and even online TV shows and movies. And that is an answer I am still dealing with. YouTube has never been a problem for me. A clip or two and I am good. And that is still the case - but I love Chocolate Rain, and I can barely get enough! But trailers have become a huge problem. I have watched about 6 for Batman alone. Doesn't that really defeat the purpose? Where is the line?

Russian

I don't like to rush. And that is why today wasn't the best. I spent it trying to get ready to leave on an impromptu trip that I didn't know about until 9:00 this morning. I'm all about a little surprise here or there, or a random trip thrown into the mix - but not one where I have to drive 8 hours by myself to be random and spontaneous. If you are going to do a random and spontaneous trip you had better be planning to be in the car with me to keep me awake.

PI

No, not Magnum.

Poison Ivy makes me feel dirty. Dirty as in, have dirt on me, look soiled.

I had it

I had something to say earlier, but I can't seem to find it anywhere. Oh well, the headache, vet visit, pending home inspection, and probably poison ivy must have eaten it.

Movie Monday

The first Movie Monday since the hiatus - so far no movie, so it has been fun. It is about time to set up the puzzle and get out the guitar. I actually had my first lesson this weekend, and this looks like a breeze (not really).

So yesterday I had the duty of killing a rabbit that my dog caught. It wasn't going to live and I didn't want it to suffer. I cried from the time I had to finish it off, through the burial, and into the rest of my outside chores. I'm such a baby.

This is how I feel about my own blog

Muny

I have never gone to the Muny and thought, "I wish I had on a pair of jeans." Well tonight was that night. I had a sweatshirt, but that was not enough.

Dream Weaver

I had a dream about a movie. That is right, I dream about movies now. Not just any movie, a movie I was able to watch being filmed. It was weird. I think it would make a great movie - no not me dreaming about a movie being made - but the movie I was watching.

I don't have all the details, because most of the time I wake up, say what the heck was that, and go on about my day. My dreams are very vivid, sometimes pieces come true, and are so strange that I try hard to remember all the circumstances but I can not. People have told me to start writing down my dreams in the morning because then I will start remembering them. Another book I think I'm going to read says write 3 pages a day before you get your day started, just free write and get all the mental clutter out. Maybe they are both right. I'm getting off target.

MY DREAM:

The main character is a man who is a Richard the 3rd type guy - only he is not ugly and misshapen so his the giant chip on his shoulder doesn't come from that. He is a dictator of sorts, but not directly in charge of a country. In my dream he was played by Robert Downey Jr. Maybe because Robert Downey Jr. was in the 90's version of Richard the 3rd, maybe because I saw a news article about him yesterday, maybe because I just dream of Robert Downey Jr. - who knows. Anyway, he doesn't have a name - but to avoid confusion we will call him by his last name. Why would there be confusion you ask - I'll tell you why.

The other main character is a man who is the character opposite of the first guy. He is not played by Robert Downey Jr. but by someone else that I couldn't quite see. Ready for the confusion - He is RDJ's character in a parallel universe. Same name - so well will call him by his first name.

So there was an event in "last name's" life that made him this crazy Richard the 3rd type and this event did not happen in "first name's" life. An organization brought "first name" from his parallel universe to defeat "last name".

It sounds stupid, because it is. But don't most books and movies start off pretty stupid? Don't most books and movies end up still being stupid after it is all said and done?

Pantry Car

I don't know what it is about this blogging site, but it doesn't do the spacing quite right. For instance, the last post lacks all but 3 of the correct spacing between the paragraphs. I put them in, increased them even, but they don't show up. I guess you will have to forgive me if that bothers you.

I don't really have much to report today. I had a pretty full day, and my car is pretty full of food. For some reason I bought some groceries (no refrigerator needed ones) and they are just sitting in my car. When I get out to go to work, I just grab what I want, put it in my little lunch bag and away I go. So now I have a pantry car.

Reasons

Reasons - wasn't that the name of a Fleetwood Mac Album? No, Rumors . . . whatever. Great album, great BAND!!! Moving on to reasons.

I am having a bit of trouble concentrating when Blondie is playing in the background and my mind is all over the place after that piece of birthday cake I just ate. Yes, sugar high and CALL ME being screeched in the background is enough to even turn a Buddhist a little edgy. Couple that with the detox I am currently going through with my non TV or movie viewing and you have full blown ADD that won't quit.

Addictions are a terrible thing. Ask any reformed drug addict, alcoholic, over eater, even people pleaser, and they will tell you that living your life for your next hit, fix, piece of cake, or approving nod is enough to make a person crazy. Sometimes you don't know when you are in the middle of it that there is anything even really wrong at all - it all seems so normal. Before you reformed people I just mentioned come after me saying that I don't know what I'm talking about I have to say this. I have never been addicted to drugs, but I have felt the pull of alcohol my fair share of times and I have also watched my grandfather fight it every day of my life. I have eaten my way through cartons of ice cream, cake, and bagel chips only to wipe my mouth and ask "Where did you hide the string cheese?" I have spent my entire life looking for the approval of others to the point where I didn't, and sometimes still don't, know who I really am or who I would have been if I allowed myself to grow.

Television and movies are not any of those things I listed above. They are not dangerous to your system, and heaven only knows that I "love me some movies!" I love me some movies so much that I will watch them over and over and over again. I love them so much that there are probably 10 movies I could quote from start to finish . . . and that is probably underestimating. I don't think there is anything wrong with movies or with the entertainment industry. This is not some boycott because I want to make a point about Hollywood and that "trash they put on the screen." This is not a religious jaunt I am taking because I think that movies are "from the devil." The simple reason is, I'm just doing it.

I'm doing it because I have watched so many movies and seen so much stuff that things have kind of lost their edge. I think that is the case with many people - or why would Iron Man, or The Dark Knight have to be "more action packed" than anything you have ever seen before. Movies have more blowing up, more sex, more language, more action, more everything - just so it will be edgier and more people will go see it and more people will talk about it. I love a lot of things blowing up, I love action, I love all the language, I love every movie that has a twist that you never saw coming, I love it all (especially the sex) - but in that love of it all I just find that I have grown bored with it. Like it is all TOO BIG and I need to step back and get back to some basics in my own life.

I'm doing it because I don't know where to draw the line anymore. Was the line after Kiddo killed 250 ninjas in that fight scene or where she killed 300? Was the line when I saw a comedy about cannibalism and laughed hysterically when they delivered this line: "It's really hard for me to make friends."? Was the line when I sat and watched 6 movies in a row? I'm not saying that I was wrong to watch those movies, or that you are wrong for watching those movies, but what am I really putting into my brain? It has become something that I have a need for. Something shocking, something ironic, something to puzzle over, something to talk about. It has become more than a casual love of movies. Some of you will argue the history of movies as a reason for why others were made. Don't pull that card with me. I have written papers on movies, movie history, movie genres, movie irony, movie copiers, and movie geniuses. 15 pages on Moulin Rouge alone, don't think I couldn't do that for any other movie.

I'm doing it because I can't go a day without watching little people perform for me on a screen. I can't eat dinner without having the TV on. I can't let the latest and greatest movie come out without having a heart attack when I can't see it on opening weekend. I can't sleep until I have watched the DVR of that nights Heroes (or whatever show I HAVE TO WATCH THIS WEEK OR I WILL DIE) I missed because I was gone. I have even gone to the extent of watching a TV show at work because I had missed it the night before and I heard it was a "must see". What the heck, watched it at WORK?

I'm doing it because I'm not really all that excited about anything anymore. I hate my life because my problems don't work themselves out after 30 minutes to an hour, and I can't leave my life in cliff hanger mode for a week to pick up the problem 7 days later. Simple things like swinging, going for a drive (even if it costs $100), going for a walk, or playing with my dog are not ACTION packed.

I'm doing it because I'm starting to relate to people I see in the movies, and talking about them like they are my friends, or that life would be so fun to be them. Yeah it would be fun if I wanted someone directing my every word and action. "And cut! OK, let's try that one again, but this time you don't care where I was and you are happy to see me. And lets do this take topless." (Obscure comedian reference there, leave it if you don't know)

I'm doing it because there are things that I want to do and things I want to learn to do, but I never have the time. Oh I have the time, I just spend it sitting on my butt. The guitar looks fun.

I'm doing this because last month I went camping. Once there I was cut off from cell phone service, no one was listening to music, and the whole place was just quiet. People were talking to one another. People were making up stories around the campfire. People were just enjoying being. Just being. Holy CRAP that was nice, just being. No distractions, just being. Have I said it was nice to just be? A couple of weeks later I went out to watch a Boy Scout tradition that I had never seen before. As I looked around I realized that there is beauty and joy in just being out in the woods. In being part of something bigger than yourself. I mean I knew that already. I have spent my fair share of time in the woods. But being there again reminded me of it. Reminded me how great it was to be apart of something like that. Reminded me how great it was to just live and not be distracted.

I don't think any one of those reasons is a reason to give up watching. I don't think any one of those reasons is right or wrong. I don't think you are wrong for watching for any one of those reasons. I don't think I am wrong for watching for any one of those reasons. But I have come to a point where all of those reasons put together are enough to make me stop and reflect and see that maybe I need to get some of my priorities straightened out. The last year has been extremely hard for me. I spent a lot of time covering that up by zoning out and watching other situations so that I didn't have to think about my own. Well more changes and crap are coming my way, and I don't want to distract from it - I want to face it. Face it in the best mind set I can, in a clear mindset.

I don't think that this is going to be easy. I'm only one week into it and I am itching to watch just 15 minutes of ANYTHING!!! There are a lot of movies I have been looking forward to for a long time, and they are still slated to come out in 2008 and the beginning of 2009. I guess I will just wait a little longer. There are the Olympics starting soon, the presidential debates (yes I am that much of a nerd), and other movies that I don't even know about yet that I'm sure I will want to see. I don't know what made me decide a year time frame, maybe because I could hold my breath for a month so that didn't seem like a big deal - but a year. A year is commitment, I hate commitment.

Well The Best Of Blondie is over, and the good old iTunes has moved onto another album so maybe it is time to wrap this up. You may agree, you may disagree - I welcome all comments. There are obviously those who think I can't do it (me included), but I know some of you think I can. I gave my reasons not out of a need to be "right" but more as a way to answer the masses that have said, WHAT! WHY?

It's a start

I have been meaning to get to the whole "why the hell are you not watching TV or movies for a year?" question that has been thrown my way about 1019 times. I know that many times I exaggerate a number because that is part of the drama that is Mary Kathryn Morgan - but I don't think that I am exaggerating that number.

ANYWAY - I read this blog today and thought it seemed like it correlated a bit with the question on every one's mind about me and my TV and movie habit. So with that I give you the link: http://www.reallivepreacher.com/node/249. And with that I put off for another day what you have been begging me to give you - an answer.

Grown Up

I am a grown up . . . an adult . . . I don't feel like one. I know I will never really get life figured out. By the time a person does really understand I think they are closing their eyes for the last time.

Anyway, pieces of my past keep creeping up:

Who knows what I am suppose to do next.

I Just Want You To Have Your Hands On Me

This pretty much sums up the weekend. I am TIRED. She is actually not yawning, she is crying because I won't pay proper attention to her. I got a new camera and so I don't think she knows yet that it is a camera. She is use to the old one, so when it comes out she hides her face. This time she just cried because I wasn't touching her, because that is all she needs in life ME TOUCHING HER ALL DAY LONG!! IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?

Anyway, don't have many pictures from the weekend that need to be shared. Mostly some before pictures of the yard work and water garden fixing I did. No afters, because I forgot.

Nil

No pictures for today. Spent the day cleaning out my mom's water garden, re potting a water lily, and cleaning out her flower beds. It is about time I do something like that for her, I have done it for everyone else now. I do have pictures (with the new camera) but they are still on the camera. I can't (well I could) take them off here, there would be no point of having them here and at my house - so you will just have to wait for the all important pictures. Deal.

Poland

This is one of my favorite pictures my mom has brought back from her trips to Poland. She doesn't go there for vacation, or to catch up on her WWII history, she goes to help people - just like this boy - gain some independence from disabilities. The great thing about this picture is the story behind it. They took the time to fit the chair for him, get him use to the char, show him how to use it so that he could get around on his own. After all that was said and done they were saying their goodbyes. He started to get sad, because he was going to have to give the chair back. He didn't understand that was for him to use all the time. When they told him he was going home with it she captured the look on his face as he said, "I get to keep it?!"

My mom, like me, lives a very even life. Few things make her really excited, and few things make her really depressed. We just live on an even line. Poland makes her deviate from the line. I have lived the past few years slowly coming to the realization that I will probably watch as she moves across the world to live there. She disputes it, but it wouldn't surprise me. She has gone every summer for I don't know how many summers. She decided not to go this year and instead stay home and have a surgery. A few days ago the team that went this year came home to report that this summer may have been the last time they are going to go in the summer, maybe go at all. If they go in September, like reported, it will be with a skeleton crew and she can't go in September, that is when she is teaching. The system they work in helps the Polish people to eventually be able to do for themselves what they send her over to do. In the end they worked themselves out of a job over there. Good for the Polish people who now have the skills and equipment to help themselves, bad for those who have a heart for those people.

Going to Poland puts her way over the line, finding out that she may never get to go back to do what she loves to do (making people light up like this boy) puts her way under the line. I'm hoping the reports aren't true, but you never can tell. I keep telling her she can go there and do something else, or work with the Polish people to continue on with the work that they are doing for themselves now . . . my hope is that she does just that.

Cake has the ability to bring people together

Logged on this morning to find another vote. Now I'm up to 7. Does that mean 7 people actually read my blog (because I thought the number was way lower), or does that mean that some people voted more than once? To be honest I voted, and you will not BELIEVE how I used my vote.

Anyway, as I said yesterday - my fun quotient was full to overflowing and that was at like 6. By the time I went to bed I was drunk on fun and friends and I woke up with a sort of hang over this morning. What is cool about a fun and friend hang over is that it isn't accompanied by a headache and dry mouth like a regular hang over, but it caries with it something that I don't usually experience - dare I say quirkiness. All morning I have been writing quirky emails and thinking about random thoughts. Example of quirkiness - comparing a meeting day at a job to a national holiday where people go out and meet their neighbors and people from other cultures, talking about my tent and how I had taken up residence there and was starting to act like those people from Deliverance - where does this stuff come from??

I don't have any pictures from today, but I am going to give a few from last night. We partied like it was 2008 (May 2008 to be exact). And as soon as I get a few pictures from Sunday nights party I will probably post them here as well. Sunday night we partied like it was 1965. I'm going to let you all work these dates out on your own. You have to keep your head on a swivel when it comes to me and my quirky randomness.

Hope It's Chocolate For Me!

Last night I deleted all my Jim Gaffigan, random movies, and random shows off of the DVR. Something tells me that in a year things will be different - they sure as heck are this birthday than last. I usually take this day to do a year recap - but I just don't feel like it today. Last year is one I don't want to live again - leaving me to know that the curse of the even numbered year is true.

Today, however, my fun quotient has been filled and is now overflowing, and I still have another dinner to go to, making that a super full day of fun and . . . well just fun. Barely worked today and got to see quite a few of my favorite people, and the ones I haven't seen yet I will see in about 15 minutes, and those that are still left I will just have to deal with next week.

I know I promised an TV explanation today, but I just can't do it today either. Thanks for all of your votes so far, I can't believe people are actually voting.

A clematis vine I planted a couple of weeks ago is going crazy in our yard. Crappy picture of it here, hoping to take some much better pictures in a few days (keeping my fingers crossed for a new camera).

New Do

Some of you are probably wondering, "What is up with your new banner?" . . . OK, none of you are actually asking that question. Of the 3 of you who read this blog you either A. don't care, or B. already know what is happening.

Starting tomorrow (12 tonight to be exact) I am not watching TV or movies for 1 year. 365 days (lucky I didn't pick a leap year). The reasons are many - some making sense, some not so much. I am not going to go into it tonight because, well because I have too much TV watching to do before the clock strikes.

See you later with some reasons, or 4 or 5 blog entries I have started since May but have never finished.

Morgan

Life Or Something Like It

It is a great movie - I would recommend it, but I don't think this has anything to do with that movie . . . other than maybe I feel like watching it RIGHT NOW, now that I said the title.

I am off to work today and then off to go camping. It has been years and years, and then a few more since I have gone camping. I have been a total of 2 times in my life. My mom wasn't into camping so I never went growing up. I think camping seems right up my alley - go out where there are not a ton of people, get lost for a few days, no phone, email, expectations. I'm not saying that tonight and tomorrow (and hopefully Sunday . . . keep your fingers crossed that I can stay) is going to change my life, but I am hoping it gives me a break from the last few months of my life. A time to unwind and be immersed in something simpler, around people who make things seem simpler. Maybe the simplicity will loosen the knot of my thoughts and help me to see more clearly.

Happy Aniversary

I have now lived in St. Louis 4 years. FOUR YEARS! Moved May 29, started work June 1. Made many different moves since, homes and jobs, but one thing stayed the same - St. Louis. I was thinking about it the other day and I can't think of a place I would rather live, a place that I would rather be. There are a lot of things I want from St. Louis, and only time will tell if it will actually give it to me - I hope it does. In some ways St. Louis has let me down, but isn't that the case with everything?

I haven't written here in awhile. I have 5 drafts saved needing work, so watch out. One day you might visit only to find the site blew up all over you.

Newest Member Of The Team

Learning To Fly

I don't remember what it was like for me when I was learning to walk. I don't remember how many times I fell, or how hard I tried. I don't remember the screams of excitement when I took that first step, I don't know what the reaction was in the room. I imagine that they were pretty excited . . . who knows.

I sort of remember learning to ride my bike. I remember my love for training wheels. I remember leaning to one side when one training wheel was taken off. I remember the driveway I rode on. I don't remember the falls, I don't remember when I finally got it. I don't remember if anyone was even outside when I rode.

I remember when I learned to ride my skateboard. I lived next to a cemetery and I used the roads there to ride on. They were pretty flat and not used often. Same with learning to ride my bike without hands. Same roads. No one was there. Just me and the road and my bike or skateboard.

I remember when I learned how to drive. I remember the tight grip on the wheel, the chaos of all my senses firing all at once. Hearing what I was doing wrong, the feel of the car, the sight of me not being where I wanted to be, the taste of the inside of my cheek as I chewed away.

I remember when I was learning to draw. I never thought I could actually do it. I remember the steps, the pencils, the teacher, the still life. I remember the stomach aches, the head aches, and the smile after when I could actually tell what I had just drawn.

I remember when my English teacher taught me how to write a paper. I had never been good at writing. I didn't like it - it was too big. I remember the steps, the red ink, the journals. I remember the smell of the classroom, and the guy that sat in the back that made fun of me all the time. High School sucked.

Learning to do something new is always hard. Always. In some ways I feel like I am learning to walk, ride my bike, drive, draw, write, speak, be. It sucks. It is hard. But in the end I think something might come out of it. Something better. That changed person on the other side. I may not be great at any of those things - walking, drawing, writing, being - but I can do them. And in the end, I think that is all that really matters.

Iron Man Movie Review

Use this review as you will. I can only express my opinion on this movie and the quotes of those around me. I can not be held responsible if you use this Review as a Recommendation. I will not be held responsible for any under-age viewing seeing as how it has been over 10 years since I passed the rated R test and have no children of my own. I will say that starting tomorrow at around 2:00 I will have been sick a whole week. I came home from this movie feeling markedly better than I have all week.

Iron Man (2008): Rated PG-13 for some intense sequences of sci-fi action and violence, and brief suggestive content.

I have to be honest, I have been known to be a fan of the superhero genre . . . but only a little. I am a sucker for the cheesy dialogue and the men (and women) who overcome obstacles of spider bites, Kryptonite, or an overly keen sense of justice to fight crime. I saw the trailer of Iron Man while I was looking for some trailers for Batman Returns. I immediately forgot about Batman when I heard the sarcastic wit of Robert Downey Jr. (Tony Stark/Iron Man).

How do you review a movie like this without giving away the ending or the random surprises. Basically this is a story of redemption. It is my story, it is your story, only with a lot more gadgets and explosions. Tony Stark embodies power. He has the mind, the money, the status, and the popularity. He doesn't apologize for being an arms dealer. For the fact that he makes money of the death and destruction of so many. But what he didn't realize is that he was looking at the world and his inventions with blinders on, only seeing what he wanted to see. The blinders are ripped off in one fiery moment, rather ironically, by his own weapons. What follows is a man who truly sees for the first time what is important. He is told at one point he is "a man who has everything, yet has nothing."

The parts were played rather well. The best lines were given to Downey . . . you had me at sarcasm. The biggest surprises came in the form of Gwineth Paltrow playing Pepper Potts - Stark's personal assistant, and a BALD Jeff Bridges playing Stark's business partner Obadiah Stane. What surprised me the most was the dialogue of this movie. What I expected was cheesy dialogue with the only redeeming lines being the sarcasm zingers from Downey. What I got was a movie I could actually listen to and not groan as the weight of the cheese crushed an otherwise good movie.

What a great come back movie for Robert Downy Jr., who up unitl this point spent his post drug and alcohol rehab years in independent films that few people actually saw (except for maybe me). To be back and bigger than life in this action packed redemption story.

This movie made it hard to sit in my seat.

Thinker and the Thought

My dad painted a picture called: Thinker and the Thought. It doesn't really have anything to do with what I am doing here - but it kind of does. Anyway, I think I'm done here for awhile. I was doing this whole 365 days thing because I guess I wanted to prove something to myself, or to you, or to someone. All I have found is that occasionally I have something to say, and it comes out right, and I get my point across. But on those other days I'm just writing because I have to and not because I want to. I'm not saying I am done with the blog all together - I just think I have reached the point of wondering if it really matters if I finish or not.

Morgan

off days

another day where what i say comes out wrong and misconstrued.

Dear Blog

Dear Blog,

I'm really tired of coming to you every day.

Earthquake

Dear Earthquake,

Thanks! That was the most fun I have had in a long time! It was amazing!

Weather

Dear Weather Man,

I know I need to ride, but some rain tomorrow would be nice - my week has been full.

OTH

Dear OTH,

I am disappointed - but I'm not sure why.

Indians

Dear Cleveland Indians,

What is happening? Are you all alright? I have been watching your stats (because I can't get the games on TV much) and you keep falling down into a pit of loss. The Royals are kicking hiny and taking names, and you all act like they use to. Where is the spirit you had last year?

Still A Fan,
Katie Morgan