An Elegant Sufficiency: Part Two

I have a confession to make. I don’t really believe that the Bible is true. I do believe that it is the inspired word of God, that it is all truth, but I don’t really believe it. Throughout my life, God has often impressed on my Jeremiah 29:11: “’For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’” Now, I’ve gone to church my whole life. I’ve believed that God is all-powerful and can do anything. Yet somehow I have a hard time believing that this includes my life. Does God really mean it when He says that He loves me? Do I really believe that His plans are good, even if they don’t meet my timetable? Surely all this delayed gratification means that he has forgotten? Yet I’m starting to get the sneaking suspicion that most of the troubles I go through in life are meant to show me that God is trustworthy and good, because He hasn’t failed me yet. So why should I fret about being one-half of a couple or just one? As Paul so succinctly states in the Message version of 1 Corinthians 7:17, “Where you are right now is God's place for you. Live and obey and love and believe right there. God, not your marital status, defines your life.” That doesn’t even remotely smell like desperation.

I’m also fairly certain that marriage is not, as it says in the Ingrid Michaelson song, about putting “the lonely on the shelf.” I have noticed over the years that my married friends still feel out of place, discontent, and even lonely at times, just like they did before they got married, and just like I do now. Maybe it’s not as sharp if you’re with someone else, I don’t really know, but that loneliness is still mine alone to deal with. Because no person can fill that aching core of my soul that reminds me that I am not yet whole, that my home is somewhere else, and I cannot yet know and love perfectly the One who loves me best. If I really get honest with myself, I think I would freak out if that painful longing went away, anyway. Sometimes it’s the most tangible proof of God’s existence in my life, and I’m suspicious that I’d be lost without it.

Everything became clear in one instant, just the other day. I overheard a conversation between a mother and her young son. She had accidentally grabbed two packets of coloring pages when she only wanted one. “Why can’t we have both?” her son asked. She paused for a moment, then stated “Because I believe that one is an elegant sufficiency.” Everything clicked in my mind at once. An elegant sufficiency! What a lovely phrase! “No longer,” I declared in my head, “will I be known by a term that smacks of desperation and/or lack! I will not be single! With Christ, I am an elegant sufficiency!” After all, “my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus (Phil 4:19).” I’m pretty sure that means that God will supply everything. It doesn’t mean that I don’t need or want other people in my life, it says that I am confident that God is with me and sovereign at this moment in my life, and it is good. Am I still tempted to whine? Heck yes! Do I still want to get married? Yes, but only if and when God chooses. I would encourage you to start looking to see what sort of provisions God has made for your elegant sufficiency, wherever you are in life, instead of pining away over what you think you lack. You might be surprised by what you find.

An Elegant Sufficiency: Part One

I never really categorized myself as a single until I was in my late 20’s. I mean, I certainly wasn’t married, and didn’t even date all that much, but I never felt single. Singleness, I always assumed, meant that you were lacking something in your life and therefore were not complete. I had no spouse; therefore I should have been pining away with longing for someone, right? But I didn’t pine. I was fine being where I was in life, and was in no rush to tie the knot. Therefore I was just me. Yeah, I was unmarried, but I wasn’t single.

When I hit the latter part of my 20’s, I started thinking that it was possible that life could be more enjoyable if I had someone to serve and share it with. Since all my friends were married or spread out all over the world, it naturally led me to realize that marriage can be a building block for community. I mean, your spouse will never leave you unless they die, right? Marriage started to sound more attractive. And then I panicked. Did that make me a “single”? Was I now incomplete, a left-over, one of the ones who didn’t get chosen when everyone else was picking teams? Did I miss the deadline? I have to admit that although I had always been fairly level-headed and intellectual about the dating and mating process (God does everything in His time, right?), these new realizations and longings kind of threw me into a panic for awhile. I did NOT want to be single. Socially awkward, fifth-wheelish, desperate, thinking only about how lonely I was. Because that’s the stereotype, right? And really, that’s kind of how you get treated by married folks sometimes. You catch pitying stares once in awhile, and when making new acquaintances, it’s almost like you have to list your excuses for not being married YET.

In my mind, I thought that being single would take over my whole life. And I’ve seen that it can, really. There are people who are obsessed with finding the “right” one to spend the rest of their lives with. They date constantly, always talk about the opposite sex, or complain bitterly about their married friends and how they don’t have time for them or hurt their feelings on a regular basis. They discuss the wisdom of various dating techniques—the blind date, speed dating, internet dating. They worry about their appearance, their income, and their vehicles, always wanting to give the “right” impression, just in case “he” or “she” could show up unexpectedly and be wildly attracted to them because of their shoe brand or the appearance of their toenails. These people seem to think that marriage is a right, like freedom of speech or freedom to bear arms, and the idea of finding a mate consumes their lives.

If we listen to what the world says, even the Christian world sometimes, we might believe that singles are doomed to a perpetual adolescence—we cannot achieve true maturity without a mate. We could believe that we have to be the “right” kind of person before we can attract Mr. or Ms. Right. Or that there is only one right person out there for everyone, and if you happen to be looking the other direction when you pass him or her on the sidewalk one day, you totally lose out. Media tells us constantly that only the most beautiful are truly worthy of love and desire. And the music we hear on the radio, pumped willingly into our brains through our ipods, or everywhere, really, can often remind us that loneliness is the worst thing in the world and that we need to avoid it at all costs.

I have to admit that I have at one time or another, fallen prey to almost all of these lies and noxious behaviors. Bitterness, complaining, despair, anxiety, and hopelessness have all accompanied me at times on this journey of discovering desire. I didn’t know what to do with my longing. If I want something, I should have it, right? But when I started to sift through the maelstrom of thoughts and impressions that I was dealing with, I started to notice something interesting—all of it was about me—what I needed to do or hadn’t done, and who would make me feel good about myself. I was worried that I had missed something, that I wasn’t attractive enough, that I should be married so that I could be happy. Obviously, I had not been paying any attention at all during all my hours at church, reading the Bible, and praying. Who is life about anyway? Me? Heck no! In Colossians, Paul very explicitly explains what all this Jesus business is about:

“He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. For by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him. He is before all things, and in him all things hold together. . .For God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in him, and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through his blood, shed on the cross (Colossians 1:15-17,19-20).”

Okay, well, that puts me in my place. I was created by Him and for Him; therefore, that makes my life about Whom, exactly? Yeah, I didn’t think it was me, either. Really, I didn’t. And did you notice the part that says, “. . . in him all things hold together”, and that through the death of Jesus he “reconcile[d] to himself all things”? That’s kind of a big deal—it means that Jesus holds the world together, holds my heart, my mind, and my future. And he brings his peace and reconciliation! How great is that!

Home Again

Been in and out of the city as of late, and now I'm back in for good . . . until I leave again at the end of July . . . then I'm back again for a week . . . then I'm gone again until a date to be determined by my school schedule and my work load.

I feel a need to reorganize the blog. The old masthead and page didn't jive anymore with what I am doing now, so I'm working on that (mostly in my head). So for now you get a pretty much blank page with my blog title and entries. While I am not a fan of puking, I do love that green!

30, flirty, and thriving

This is today's status, and blog post title. I turned 30 today so I chose an obscure movie reference to describe my day. So you may be asking yourself, "how has she really changed over her life time?" Well, I will show you. I don't have any 1 year birthday pictures here at my house, but I do have this one . . . my guess is 9:

And now (on my birthday trip to NYC):
Look closely. Do you see it? I'm THE EXACT SAME (minus the watermelon shorts and the hair length).



For those of you who have followed for very long I do a year end review on my birthday. Last year I didn't really do one, I took up something else - a life. So instead I wrote about a decision I made TO NOT WATCH TV OR MOVIES FOR A YEAR. Well, times up. When I read the entry I laughed . . . a lot. I had no idea what I was getting myself into.

I'm not going to talk about what I gave up, I'm going to talk about what I got (in no particular order).

1. Contentment. It was hiding under all the media. It is an amazing gift, one that can get taken back, but when you have it there is a calm that I can't explain. A calm that says, "you are fine, you will make it JUST THE WAY YOU ARE."
2. Running. Now, not so much a gift like contentment. It is more work. This was a late coming phenomenon to the year (I think I started in March/April). There are days where it is the only thing that I feel like doing. While I was in NYC I was overcome with the desire to run part of Central Park . . . but I couldn't. Ran a 5K at the end of May, looking at running an 8K middle of July. Where did that come from? All I could really think about doing today was going for a birthday run, but instead I took a nap. I traded a run for the greater good. You might say I took the lazy way out, which is pretty typical for me, but I haven't slept well since going camping and I knew that if I didn't get a nap I would snap and rip peoples heads off and spit down their neck. So you see, the greater good.
3. Closer friends. Instead of sitting around watching TV or going out for a movie we had to DO something. That doing developed closer friendships to those I was already close to and closer friendships with those I hadn't really expected to grow closer to.
4. Peace. Not the same as contentment. When things go wrong, I don't freak out. Well I have the last couple of days, but mostly because I am really tired.
5. A new career path. I honestly don't think I would be going back to school if I hadn't taken this time to sit and be quiet for awhile.
6. Quiet. I went camping this last weekend and I found I have this uncanny ability to just sit (sometimes for hours) and just sit. I use to do that with TV and I was just plugging stuff into my head instead of working on what was already in there and needed to be worked on.
7. Freedom. I am not dictated by TV schedules, mostly I am dictated by sun cycles. I am much freer to go do something random.

I'm not going to sit here and say I am never going to watch TV again, or that I'm not going to watch a movie (SOON), but I am saying that I don't have the connection to it that I use to. I'm not even taking a TV to school with me. I know there is more. Way more, but that is all I can think about right now - mostly because I have the attention span for internet about the size of a gnat.

Ticks Dig Me

Chicks don't dig me (as they shouldn't) but TICKS do! I lost count on the first morning of our trip on how many ticks wanted to feast on my lily white body. Lesson learned, buy the zip off pant legs - gosh! What a great time to get away and relax. Yes, it was the hottest weekend of the year so far. Yes, it was warmish. No, I didn't care.

First backpacking adventure. I wasn't sure if I was going to make it. When asked I just said I was good to go so I wouldn't hear myself say out loud that I thought I might die . . . or that I wasn't quite sure because I couldn't feel anything below my neck. Am I full of drama? Yes I am. The feeling when you take a backpack off is the best feeling in the world. I think I might have been able to run to the car and back on that feeling. OK, maybe just to the car, but the bathroom was right there and I wasn't going to see that thing again for 2 days. My tent smelled like feet, but I didn't care, I was laying down.

I won't bore you with the blow by blow of the trip, other than to say it was a good learning experience, with a good and patient teacher. It was hard to come back today, only because I felt like there were more lessons to be learned. BUT, if we hadn't come back today we wouldn't have seen the man riding his burro through Farmington. Yes, that's right.

Look Ma, No Hands!

There are really no words

Moving

I am learning a lot right now - the biggest lesson: moving is more than just about leaving. While moving in my adult life it all came at times where it was expected. When I graduated from college it was natural to leave, no one else I knew was really staying around. Before that moving happened at natural transitions in life - never like this. Never where I am here one day and the next I will be gone, leaving everyone and everything behind. Life here will go on well without me. Some won't even notice I am gone until I come back for a visit. I'm not saddened by that fact. I know it has been the case when others I know have left. Life is just a bit different without them here, but life went on just fine with them gone. I struggle more with leaving behind those that I have lived life with on such a level that it will be painful to go. I don't like to need, or cry, or be vulnerable, and I will do all of those things.

Other than the application process and the general stuff of getting ready to go to grad school, I have struggled with every process. The process of looking for a place to live, getting my money figured out, packing, saying goodbye. I don't do any of them. I just live like the beginning of August will be just that, the same as the beginning of last August. If I start to go down the path of leaving I get all hung up and quit. Maybe that is why I am running so much right now (more than just the physical).

#2146

My runner number: 2146 (not that many runners, they just started the numbers at 2000)
The distance: 5K
My time: 30:30 (ish, I haven't seen the official results)

I have been running since March (??? help me out) and it has been a slow process to get me to where I am now running about an hour every other day (depending on the work I did that day and the temperature). I would like to run more, but it is getting so dang hot and my job is pretty physical. I want to say at the end of the summer I would do a half marathon - but I wonder if that is too ambitious given what my summer holds by way of transitions and changes. Either way I rand the 5K and did it in a better time than I have ever run in my whole life. A 10 minute mile is unheard of in my life - there is no hustle in this muscle, but I guess maybe I was wrong. I do have one regret - I didn't beat the purple socks girl . . . my muscle was out of hustle, or I just didn't care enough, not sure which.

Alan Alda

Went to NYC

Spent 4 days

Took tons of pictures (many of which will be un-usable)

Walked miles and miles and miles

Rode the subway every day and did so looking like a pro (even with a map in my pocket)

Many different tours, can't name them all

If I closed my eyes on the last tour I could have sworn it was being given by Alan Alda

it would be confusing

Too Much

I have just realized that I am doing too many things at once. Not in life (that is debatable), but currently on my computer. I have iTunes open (but not listening . . . ponder that one a bit), working in Word, in Photoshop, Blogger is open, and flickr is loading. Can I truly give my full attention to any of the above mentioned programs if I am working on them all at once. Granted a few of them are open for the same reason, but goodness me that is a lot.

I, personally, have been on a blog hiatus. Not because I don't like blogging, or because I don't like any of you that read the blog - I just don't have anything all that interesting to say (nor do I ever). I fear that I have become . . . boring. Granted I may have more to say the closer I get to my move to Oklahoma, but all in all this life change has just made me shut my mouth a little bit. I don't think the blog has been helped much by my job. A place where I can go and be alone with my thoughts for 8 hours a day and so I don't really need to talk about them much. Yes, I have said this all before - and I will shut up about it. But that is the real reason I asked someone else to write a bit. I hoped it would give me time to think of something on my own, or at least spur me on to write. It did neither, but it did give me a chance to beg them to write some more.

The Long Wait: Part the Last

So sad! Here is my final post for now ( I think!). I hope you've enjoyed the slightly different fare. And one final hint of my identity: my most tangible long-term goal right now is walking the Camino in Spain.

The Long Wait: Part the Last

The Silence of God by Andrew Peterson

It's enough to drive a man crazy; it'll break a man's faith
It's enough to make him wonder if he's ever been sane
When he's bleating for comfort from Thy staff and Thy rod
And the heaven's only answer is the silence of God

It'll shake a man's timbers when he loses his heart
When he has to remember what broke him apart
This yoke may be easy, but this burden is not
When the crying fields are frozen by the silence of God

And if a man has got to listen to the voices of the mob
Who are reeling in the throes of all the happiness they've got
When they tell you all their troubles have been nailed up to that cross
Then what about the times when even followers get lost?
'Cause we all get lost sometimes...

There's a statue of Jesus on a monastery knoll
In the hills of Kentucky, all quiet and cold
And He's kneeling in the garden, as silent as a Stone
All His friends are sleeping and He's weeping all alone

And the man of all sorrows, he never forgot
What sorrow is carried by the hearts that he bought
So when the questions dissolve into the silence of God
The aching may remain, but the breaking does not
The aching may remain, but the breaking does not
In the holy, lonesome echo of the silence of God

Now, I don’t claim to know what ‘n all God is about in all this waiting business, but I’m pretty sure that some of it has to do with developing a rock solid faith. I’ve noticed that the longer a time of waiting goes on, the more God reveals to me how useless my efforts are to improve myself or do things on my own. In my most painful period of waiting thus far, God took everything away from me that I thought made up who I was--my talents, my relationships, my intellect, even my ability to take care of myself. There was nothing left for me in that place but the raw knowledge that I was absolutely nothing without the love of my gracious Savior. It’s been quite a few years since I have been in that place of abject brokenness, and I can see now that it was the most loving (and painful) thing that God has ever done for me. He took away my self-reliance so that I could only rely on him. In my stubbornness, it was the only way that He could reach me.

In recent years, I have found myself in another holding pattern, waiting for the next step. I didn’t want to, but I have slowly fallen back into that place of apathy and fear of hoping, because the things I have hoped for have either not yet come to be or have been thrown back in my face. Once again, prayers have seemed to bounce off the ceiling over my head and onto the floor instead of rising to the throne of the One who loves me. God has never let me totally give up on Him, but I certainly have felt like giving up on me. Thankfully, through a series of circumstances, God has woken my heart again to His reality and His hope once again. I realized that I was putting my hope in my desires instead of Him (does anyone really understand the difference between hoping FOR and hoping IN?), and lost hold of the reality of His faithfulness and the timelessness of His purposes. I can see that part of the onerousness of waiting comes from my ingrained belief that I am what I do; I can’t DO anything about waiting, and I can’t make anything in my life happen, no matter what they tell me on TV and in self-help books. It seems that only during those times of waiting, if we rest in the silence of God’s heart, can He reveal to us what we truly are to become through His grace.

So even though waiting at the doctor’s office still cramps my style, and I still find myself getting impatient as I wait for fulfillment, I am thankful that God loves me enough to lead me here, in this moment of waiting. And I know that I'm in very good company, since all of creation "has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time (Romans 8:22)," waiting for Christ's redemption of His children. I only pray that I will learn my lessons well and rest on His grace instead of my dreams and abilities. If you, too, find yourself chafing with the pressure of waiting on God, I recommend taking the time to slow down and rest in what God has for you here in the silence. Turn off the TV, log off of Twitter and Facebook, put your ipod away, and practice some active listening. Read some Henri Nouwen or Brennan Manning, do a concordance search through your Bible on the word “wait” (there’s a lot!), and grab someone you trust to talk and pray about what waiting means to you in this moment. God will be faithful to reveal His heart to you and bring you to the place He has for you, and grant you peace along the way. And so, in the words of Larry Hein, “May all your expectations be frustrated, may all your plans be thwarted, may all your desires be withered into nothingness, that you may experience the powerlessness and poverty of a child and sing and dance in the love of God who is Father, Son, and Spirit.”

The Long Wait 2.1

Okay, folks. I know the suspense has been killing you. So without further ado, I present the next installment on this delightfully scintillating discourse on waiting. (And if you're still curious about me, I'll give you one more clue: in the second grade, I wished with all my heart to grow up and be a marine biologist.)

THE LONG WAIT: 2.1

. . .one of the greatest stresses in life is the stress of waiting for God. He brings fulfillment, "because you have kept My command to persevere. . .(Rev. 3:10)"
Oswald Chambers

Sometimes I feel like I have spent my entire life waiting for something. When I was a little kid, I was waiting and waiting to grow up so that I could be cool like the big kids. I waited to go to college so that my “real” life could start. I graduated from college and waited for a purpose or a goal to focus my life on. I have spent a lot of time and energy on waiting to become healthy. But mostly I’ve spent a lot of time waiting on God. Waiting for Him to change my life, me, or the people and world around me. And I can honestly say that for the most part, I’ve hated every minute of that waiting.

The thing is, waiting can feel like death, or being locked in prison. When waiting, there are expectations that are not being fulfilled, because you’re obviously waiting for something, and when that something doesn’t happen, you can start to doubt whether God really cares about what’s going on. Hope gets really hard to hold onto when it doesn’t reach any fulfillment. In Proverbs it states that, “A hope deferred makes a heart sick (13:12).” I don’t know about you, but I’ve spent a lot of time with a sick heart, waiting for things that have seemingly never happened--hopes for myself and for others. And I’ve found that the end result is apathy, bitterness, and a strong desire to not hope about anything. And a total abhorrence of waiting.

However, in latter years I’ve started to get the sneaking suspicion that I’ve got everything totally backwards. I’ve noticed that I am not alone in this business of waiting, either. It seems that all of the great Bible characters that I’ve learned about spent a fair amount of time waiting, too. Abraham waited for a son, Moses waited for a call to action from God and deliverance for his people, Joseph waited to be rescued twice, then waited for reconciliation with his family. The Israelites waited for a promised land over and over again as they were captured, returned, and captured again and again. Even Jesus had to wait thirty years to start his ministry! The exciting thing to me is that God never ever left them to wait forever (minus, of course, the generations of Hebrews who lived in exile for their disobedience, and Moses who never got to see the promised land for the same reason). He waited until the time was right, and rescued, gave, or spurred to action as He saw fit. And when the waiting got to be too much for someone and they acted of their own volition, they made stupid decisions and made God really really angry, like the Israelites at the base of the Mount Sinai (Exodus 32) worshipping the golden calf, or Saul not waiting for Samuel to give a sacrifice before a battle (1 Samuel 13). So there really must be something important to God about waiting.


Tune in next time for part three!

Irony?

Not ironing, irony. Does anyone else find it ironic that we have to wait for more of the post on waiting? When I saw that my blog had been posted to I got a little freaked out. Then I remembered - and it felt like I had someone else do my homework for me - and that felt AWESOME!

Oh, and I totally know who is writing and I'm not telling.

I accept the challenge thrown to me by answering with a meditation on the nature of waiting. If you're dying to know who I am, you'll just have to guess! I'll give one hint: My second toe is longer than all the other toes on my feet. Good luck.

As I am not near as pithy as Katie, you'll have to bear with me in installments, since nobody goes to a blog to read an essay. Unless you're me.

THE LONG WAIT: 1

“Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him.”
Psalm 37:7

I hate waiting. And I don’t use the word hate lightly here. When waiting in line at the store, my patience runs out about ten seconds after joining the end of a line. After a thirty second perusal of the tabloid covers and a thorough investigation of the check-out line fare, the tension inside of me starts to build. I shift. I covertly watch the people around me. I try to pretend that I’m totally cool with standing there doing absolutely nothing while the cashier does fifteen price-checks on baby formula ahead of me. But inside I’m getting desperate. I think of fifty other things I could be doing RIGHT NOW, all of them way more important than waiting, and begin to feel like a teakettle on the boil, ready to start screaming any minute. While I’ve never had a total breakdown waiting in line, I have sprinted out of stores on several occasions after check-out just to release the excessive tension and irritation that grips me so strongly. It often takes me a good twenty minutes or more to recover from the physical and emotional stress of waiting in line. Don’t even ask me about waiting rooms in medical offices--that’s even worse!!
If that seems absolutely ridiculous to you, you’re right. But I bet you’ve had similar experiences. Nobody in our society likes to wait. Just think about how we eat--grocery stores are filled with frozen dinners and “instant” meals to save us the pain of waiting for food to cook. Or we can go to any of a myriad choices of fast “food” (watch out, though--you might have to wait in line!!) We can’t even be patient with nature--all the ads on TV about weight loss products tout their amazingly fast results, “I lost 50 pounds in three months!!” And if you can’t even wait for the pills or diet plan or exercise routine to kick in, you can get plastic surgery and look skinny now! Everything, it seems, is designed to keep us from the horrors of waiting.


Join us next time for The Long Wait:2!

Invitation

due to my lack of blogging, i have invited a special guest to blog a bit for me. i'm not telling you who it is - they may not even take me up on the offer. it will be up to them to reveal their identity or not. all i can say about this person is that they also fall under the category of "sarcastic and single" and they have way more interesting insights on life than i do.

You can say that again

Grellon

Behind the appartments at work there is a wooded area. To strictly call it woods, because it isn't, but it is an area of trees . . . a thin strip of trees. ANYWAY, there are these kids that love to play in the wooded area, I mean, who wouldn't want to play out there, I would have TOTALLY been out there every day. Every so often I see a hut out there. It isn't really noticable because of where they build it and what the materials are, but I will catch a glimpse of one. Well Tuesday this is what we found. Not only are their huts back there, but over the weekend they (my guess is these three boys that are always running together out there and usually in the wood line) built a garden. A garden complete with planting beds, plant that they transplanted from other areas of the wooded area (and I think one or two from our transplant area behind the shop), stone lined paths, and remodeled huts.

You've been GREd

I have climbed out from under the GRE rock, so back to life as usual. I was commenting today to a friend (on our run - can you believe it, I ran today) that when I worked around a computer most of the day I would come home and get back on the computer for a long time. Now that I don't work around a computer and can only check my email about once or twice a day, I come home and check my email and pretty much walk away for the night. There could be many explanations. I have my own assumptions, you can have yours - sound like a deal?

GRE . . . not what I had planned, but it is over. I don't think my basement score will keep me out of grad school, should I decide to go, but it was pretty much an ego buster. So what do I do now? I sit around and read books. Well that is what I did all day yesterday. Today? I blog while listening to Jon Foreman. Depressing because it started on his Winter CD rather than the Spring or Summer set.

Oh that rat

Well . . .

I was over checking out Ben's new site today. Same as the old, just in a different, cooler place (I say that with a grumble because blogspot USE TO BE the cool place and now it has been usurped (bigger words because I am studying for the GRE). Anyway, on his page he has a list of blogs that he reads and mine was up there. It has been up there for awhile, even though there really isn't anything new to read here EVER! When you put your arrow over my site there is a Benesome (Ben and Awesome combined - totally just made that up and I don't think I like it) caption to go along with the title: "She is not watching TV for a year. Read all about it." That made me chuckle a bit, because I don't really talk about that much. I think the only people that have to hear much about it are the people that live with me.

I have been in countdown mode since January when I passed the six month mark - but the countdown hasn't really been that big of a deal. I'm almost to the point where watching TV or movies doesn't really matter. Sure it does on a Sunday afternoon when they are going to watch Ghost Town or something, but in the end it really doesn't matter - I just spend some more time in my room reading.

As if I wasn't already weird about society and how much I dislike the attitudes that I have embraced as being a middle class, white, sub-urban, American - this no TV thing has opened up my eyes to so many more negatives about society. Instant gratification vs. delayed gratification, the over use of sex in the media, and the pedestal we put actors and actresses on. I love instant gratification, and putting people on pedestals, and using sex to sell a hamburger - but that is so wrong. When did we go from looking at solders as heroes to forgetting their sacrifice and looking at people to see what Brittany is doing today?

Graph Paper and Education

I didn't realize it had been a month since I posted last. Sad thing about me - when more is going on in my life that might actually be fun to read about, I don't take the time to write. I don't know if I would call the last month "fun", but there has sure been a lot of thinking and shake up going around.


If you also follow my Flickr account you will see that I only posted one day's worth of photos for February. BECAUSE I ONLY TOOK ONE DAY'S WORTH OF PHOTOS IN FEBRUARY! Why is that, you may ask - well because I didn't take my camera ANYWHERE, and I grew tired of taking pictures of my dog looking at me like I was beating her when I pulled out the camera. So starting March 1 I started taking my camera with me to work. OK, really it all started when I saw my bread was L'oven Fresh. Not Oven Fresh - L'oven Fresh:


So, I took my camera to work and got all sorts of dirty pictures:

This is my face after coming in from a power washing project. You can see where my safety glasses have been.
The fronts of these pants use to be the color of the back. Not only are they beyond dirty - they are wet from the power washer.

Other than that I haven't taken many photos. The month is young. I did take a few of a project I am working on in Tower Grove area, but I don't really have much of note yet.

So, this week I needed an Engineer scale at work. I don't have any scales at work, but the 1/8 scale or 1/4 scale are much easier to do with a standard ruler. The 10 or 20 scale can be a bit tougher. So what could I do? I went online to see if there was a printable version. Didn't find a printable scale, but I found printable graph paper. Not only can you quickly print off graph paper if you need a random sheet, you can also tailor the sheet to look like you want! http://www.printfreegraphpaper.com/, this isn't the only place you can do such a thing, but it is what I found first. If you don't know this about me already, let me just tell you now: GRAPH PAPER IS MY FAVORITE. If I have a choice between plain, lined, or graph, I pick graph every time. Quirky? Perhaps, but it is me.


Other than working, taking random L'oven Fresh photos, and getting giddy over the amount of graph paper I can print in many different formats, I have been studying. Studying for the infamous GRE. That's right. I officially announce to the internet my vie for graduate school in the fall of 2009. You will be happy to note that my first blog was started and constantly updated while getting my undergrad degree. It was the most depressing drivel I have ever seen - and yes I have read this blog. I'm being open to these next steps that God has for me. The hardest part - I am currently very content. I am content and even happy in my job. I love my living situation, I love this town. If this thing goes through, I will be leaving it all behind and heading back to Oklahoma. I am applying for the Environmental Sciences Graduate Degree program studying ground water conservation, water reclamation, and storm water management. I am waiting to get in on a project related to low impact development (but it doesn't start until the spring). You didn't know that on the deepest level that I was a nerd. Take this video, for instance. I about wet my pants when I saw this and was captivated by the simple concept and the impact it could have.


It doesn't hurt that he has an accent. That makes things so much easier to listen to and take in.


I guess that is all. I had to emerge from the studying bubble for awhile, so I figured a blog entry would be the ticket. It only took me an hour to write. I guess I shouldn't try to multi-task.

Katie comes from a long line of leavers . . .

welp kids, this has been an interesting weekend, to say the least. am i going to be vague about it? you betcha.

i had a pretty open weekend - the first in over a month. i spent saturday reading and taking my dog for ridiculously long walks because it felt about 75 outside and it was amazing to be out in it on february 7. there have been many thoughts swimming in my mind of late. i don't know if you know this about me or not - but i am pretty content with my life. it started sometime in the fall (i can't pinpoint the day, or even the month). a calm came over my life that i can't quite explain other than God is showing me that things are ok. paul talks about it when he wrote the philippians - and i think i finally understand what he is talking about. i didn't have teen angst when i was growing up, but i did have 20's angst . . . to the extreme. things still bother me, or upset me, but i think i have begun to see the bigger picture and know that it is bothersome now but in a few weeks it will be just fine. anyway, the thoughts swimming in my mind are really related to what direction my life needs to take. what i am doing is fine for now, but there is no challenge, other than the physical challenge of work. it isn't challenging my mind. and on the rare occasions it calls for brain work it is on random things that shouldn't be analysed. so my ongoing question has been, what is next? where do i need to do next? is this it? i don't know if i ever expected those questions to be answered - but many options came poking me this weekend. out of nowhere in particular, why does He like to work that way? so i am weighing my options and seeing if there are any bites.

as i weighed and pondered today (some more) i got a call. "yes, the tax man does want all of your money." what i thought was a mistake in the way i was doing my taxes was no mistake at all. while i have most of the money that uncle sam wants, i don't have all of it - and that my friends is where my new found contentment (and trust) comes in. i did all the right things, my accountant did all the right things, my employers did all the right things, i saved the right amount out of the money from the work i did on the side for people this year, there is no one to blame (i usually blame myself, but i'm not this time because it was truly a fluke). it is an interesting thing really. such a sum of money never really entered my mind as being possible, and now it is just like a bad dream - one that i hope is over soon.

thinks she is turning japanese

Well I guess it is about time for me to write you again. It has been some time since I have taken any pictures, or thought about writing. Still no photos, and . . . TA DA, I'm here writing. I saw this today and thought I would share:

Anyway, I guess this is the start of many conversations with Gladys. I suppose now I'm going to have to go every so often to watch those on YouTube.

Today was a great day to be outside. Not so much to work, but just to be outside. Let's see, I painted a curb, I cleaned up some leaves, I fixed a salt spreader - don't be envious, you all know you want my job, but right now it is taken. That was said with all the sarcasm this little heart could muster.

Well I guess that is about all. OH, I did make some biscuits today. Not as good as my Grandmother, but I did alright. I just did the thing where you drop them onto the pan instead of rolling them all out and then cutting them out with the fancy little cutter. That was fun for me. Now I have approximately 19 left over that I'm not really sure what to do with. Is that an exaggeration . . . you know me.

Is it just me, or does this biscuit look like a frog?
Maybe a catfish?

has had a hard day's night

I think I am going to leave that status up for another day. The snow is finally over and that means that I get to take a bit of a break. This first real snow of the season wasn't too terrible, if I do say so myself. It was a good one to really get my feet wet (literally and physically). Not only did it snow a lot over about a day and a half we also had a plow go down. That was the BEST part. I say that will all the sarcasm my heart can muster (which as you know is quite a bit). The picture to the left shows the exact moment that I knew we wouldn't be plowing any more that night . . . or was it morning? I don't really remember - my days and times are a bit fuzzy right now. All is well, and actually it was an easy week. All I know is I love going in over night. I don't think I would love it everyday, but there is something about 3 am that has a peace about it.

Oh, and the picture to the right is from when we went sledding Tuesday night. It was snowing huge flakes and it was coming down hard and fast. It was awesome. I got a new sled for Christmas and Tuesday was it's maiden voyage. It is the best sled I have ever owned. It is huge, first of all, and second it is super fast and you don't really feel the bumps (like the curbs).

Oh, and my status from before was: Shot a man in Reno just to watch him die. So in honor of that - HEEEEEERRRRREEEEE's Harvey:

is the tax man

no, i will not update you on the statuses you missed - because i am in just that sort of mood. my weekend and monday were full. not full in the case of, "wow, i have a lot going on and i just can't catch a break." but full in the fact that there were a lot of things going on mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and yes - some physically. in the interest of time i am going to do a "stream of consciousness" stolen from my friend John.

• while friday was suppose to be spent at a big brothers/big sisters lock in it was not. for reasons unexplainable other than the ever changing mind of a teenager i spent the evening at home . . . well not at home after all. i couldn't figure out why that teenage mind had been changed until the events of the day and night unraveled and then it made perfect sense. am i being ambiguous? yes, of course i am. friday night is not really my story to tell, only that i am glad to have been in the right place at the right time, and am humbled every day how God chooses to work in my life.
• up early on saturday to go work at the Harris home. what a great time to work side by side with friends and take some time to get to know everyone a bit better.
• i am getting closer and closer to the summer which means a lot of things. one it is going to be hotter than a cat on a hot tin roof, and two i am getting closer to family camp. more on that to come, but in short is is a trip that my mom and i are taking to help give some families a much needed break and time to re-connect on deeper levels. i can't wait.
• more and more i am finding that it is easy to give my heart away. not necessarily in the romantic love department, but in relationships in general. while i have guarded my heart for about 30 years, this gradual giving that has been going on has made a huge impact on me.
• i am crying a lot more now, and not really because i am sad (random tidbit)
• i started my taxes this weekend - and yes i am totally frustrated. due to changes in my life over the past year and some change my taxes have been a confusing mess. this was compounded this year again and now i fear that i will not be able to do my taxes on my own this year. i have always found a sense of pride in doing my taxes since i was 16, and now i am seeing that i need to be humble enough to ask for some much needed help.
• i am learning that to be a christian really means to become like Jesus and show him to others. not to be afraid to admit your problems or hang ups. Kevin likes to say that - aa is where you go and admit you are bad and you get better. church is a place you go and pretend you are good and get worse. anyway, i heard christianity encapsulated so well last week Ephesians 4:2 Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Now don't read that as you have to be all those things at once. Look at them as steps. First learn to be humble. then as you grasp the humble part you will gradually learn to be gentle. and so on until, in the end, you are looking more and more like Jesus.
• i am finding that i have a lot of thoughts, but i never really finish them. i get a good start and then they just fizzle. i don't know if it is lack of thought, or that there is too much thought.
• i am gaining a different perspective on my job. not a good or bad perspective - just different.
• and to conclude i have The Beatles and their cartoon of Taxman:

Want's To Leave A Legacy

My friend Ben just got back from Haiti. I was really excited for this trip because they were taking him to shoot video footage of the area and what it was like there. I wanted to learn more. Not because I'm ready to pack my bags for Haiti - but I could . . . I don't know, you know me, I won't. I just like to hear and see places I have never been in hopes that one will strike a chord and maybe I will know what is next for me. I think I know, but it has been a long waiting game with that one. Anyway, Ben posted a video of something that happened on their first day there - and this my friend is what it means to leave a legacy. It doesn't have to be big things that make a mark, it can be in the small things too. I encourage you to take some time and watch - turn up your speakers a bit.

http://todaysawesomeness.blogspot.com/2009/01/day-205-video.html

More Obama

I alluded yesterday that I had some photos of the inauguration - and I do. They are taken from my couch. Seeing the crowd just made me cringe inside - I can take crowds in small doses, I think this would have been overkill though. I also saw this video on a blog I visit every-so-often. I thought it was funny. I love it that one of the places that promotes the liberal view the most (all be it in a hilarious way) did this. I guess they are equal opportunity jokers.

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Changefest '09 - Obama's Inaugural Speech

Barack Obama Interview
John McCain Interview

Sarah Palin Video
Funny Election Video

Katie is a lumber jack and she's OK!

The post/status today comes from . . . . Monty Python. You are correct. And yes, I will put you up to date. The statuses you missed were:

• Heard you on the wireless back in fifty two (Video Killed the Radio Star)
• Katie is takin' out the papers and the trash (as in yak-ity-yak, don't talk back)

I have heard it said that no news is good news and that is exactly what all this non-updating has been. I refused to talk about how cold it was (one more time) so there really wasn't a lot to report. BUT TODAY. Oh my today is glorious. Close to 60 and it was amazing. Tomorrow it is back down into the 40's but I can totally handle that. I have been trimming trees for the past few days (hence the lumber jack reference) and it has been a ton of fun. Yesterday I was climbing a tree to trim it and that is always a bonus. My last few nights have been full of reading and of course the inauguration. I may post pictures later (yes I did, I took pictures of the TV), but I am just too lazy to download any photos today. I didn't take pictures of the screen because I think Obama is the answer to all of our political, personal, emotional, health, war, problems - I took pictures because I want to remember the day that an African American took office. Did I vote for him? You will never know - I'm so elusive about this vote, can you even stand it? Vote for him or not - he is my President now and I stand with him, and stand with others who see this as a turning point in history that, as he said, 60 years ago his father couldn't even be served in a restaurant, and now he is taking the oath of office.

was just in the middle of a dream, she was kissin' Valentino by a crystal blue Italian stream

I was by a stream . . . of water coming out of a big blue tank . . . but no one was with me . . . and I was awake. I kind of wish I had been dreaming, this had to have been one of the longest days in a long time. It took over and hour to drain each tank, and about another hour (a little less depending) to fill it back up. "Why?" you ask. Well in case of an emergency - of course! Worst part is I didn't get finished today. I still have one that hasn't completely drained, ergo, it needs to be filled tomorrow.

wants to be a paperback writer

Ben asked me to be a guest blogger (well he asked all his readers, and I volunteered and then he agreed) so today was my day - hence the status update. Anyway, I just posted that which has to be one of the most sappy posts I think I have ever written. I'm just going to leave it at that.

Just so we are up to date (because it matters in the space time continuum that we find ourselves trapped in) other status updates that I have not shared include:

• can't live on bologna sandwiches (as in the "hidden song" from Down Here that says, "Rock stars need money, they can't live on bologna sandwiches. Rock stars need money and it comes from you, and you, and you, and you . . . and you.")
• wonders if she had a hammer, would she hammer in the morning

My life has been pretty devoid of any news besides the weather and how cold it has been, so I have chosen not to talk about it. It is cold, I need to get over it. Back to the blogging thing I have an observation. Of my blog I think I may have 5 readers that regularly visit the site, or have me on a blog reader roll, or something. I may be generous by saying 5. Some may stumble upon it, say "oh that is nice that she has a blog" and never come back. I'm good with that. I'm good with all that. I think I may have had 3 good posts over the life of this blog, my personal favorite being one where I said that Darth Vader was my hero. Ben, on the other hand has many, many more readers. One, because he knows so many people, and two he is a hilarious writer. Blogging is one of those things that becomes kind of a community of people. He has 5 guest bloggers while he is out of town, and in turn those people get some traffic that they may not have originally had. He had another friend of mine write one yesterday. John did a great job, and because of that and my little link here he may get a bit more traffic. There are much larger blogs - say Dooce, that gets hundreds of thousands of people visiting every day (I think that is a conservative estimate), that have friends with the same number of visitors daily - and they guest blog for one another, and it just grows into something bigger and bigger. I think blogs mimic what happens in life. I have a friend, and then I meet their friends, and in the end it just grows bigger and bigger into our realms of influence. Well, that growth of influence is going on right now in my living room, and I have neglected it long enough. I had some things I needed to do (i.e. Ben's blog) and now that is done - so I am off to interact with the living.

Katie is like a heat wave . . . burning in my heart

What a day! I spent it huddled inside. I was out for about 20 minutes, but that is about all I could do. Other than that I would go out in short bursts of maybe 3 minutes each. The temperature gage on my truck read 0 when I went into work and 13 when I came home. Not going to be much better tomorrow. I have a few things still to do inside, and so I think that is where I will stay.

whatever you're doing inside of me, it feels like chaos but somehow there's peace

Wow, it is really cold outside. Tomorrow? Even colder. The day started off pretty fair, I think we were close to 38. It was good until about 10:43 and the wind kicked up and immediately the temperature started dropping, and all the leaves I was trying to pick up were blown about. I saved all my inside work for tomorrow in hopes to stay warm. I will be a frozen architect by about 8:15 while I ride on the Gator for the morning rituals . . . but hopefully the rest of the day will be spent in the balmy 59 degree shop.

is taking a quick break from songs to ask if anyone has an old ATT phone I can buy or have

It is just as it says. For awhile now we have been joking about the "strobe light function" my phone has. The screen blinks on and off. Now it is more of a "blank screen function". It is on for about 3 seconds then there is just a blank stare. There are a lot of options for a gal like me needing a phone - but many of them are expensive, some are out of the question, and others are just plain a headache. I don't really want to re up my plan for 2 year, but I might have to . . . unless you have an old ATT phone that will take a SIM card.

Katie made the sign of a teaspoon, he made the sign of a wave

Well here is my version of the weekend update:

1. Wall washing. Need I really say more about that. I had a great time washing walls and just thinking about the home and the people for whom I was washing the walls.

2. dAN's concert. What was once to be at Cicero's was moved to The Elvis Room at Blueberry Hill. What a great place to have a concert. It looked and smelled like a locker room - but it was awesome. I'm not sure if it is totally Kosher, but I took a few video's and took a few pictures. For music see his MySpace Page: http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewProfile&friendID=76103867. If you get a chance to see him - just do it and don't ask questions. Anyway, a few pictures. My roommate Gina was one of the singers - so that was exciting to me to hear her belt it out with dAN.






3. I got to see some friends of mine that I hadn't been able to see in awhile. It was an incredible time playing a little Wii, and opening my last Christmas present of 2008 Christmas. Probably one of my favorite gifts - a sled. For those of you who don't know, I LOVE to sled and I hope for snow daily . . . even in July.

Katie was dancin' and singin' and movin' to the groovin'

Today was another full day. I don't have the time to go into it all right now - my bed is gently calling my name. I did get some of the pictures from dAN's concert touched up a bit and you can see them on the sidebar there on the right. He sure did play that funky music white boy. I will probably do a whole weekend wrap up tomorrow when I have more time to sit and think and write about it.

I was asked today (and yesterday) about some books that I have been reading - mostly concerning Carie (red in one afternoon) and The Grapes Of Wrath (still wading through it). Maybe I will have those insights later on in the week as well.

Off to bed, after folding laundry and sitting on my sled praying for some good snow.

Is Forever Young

No not Forever Young by Rod Stewart . . . although I might have a post about being sexy sooner or later. Anyway, it was a reference to this song:



Nice hair! The outfits were great as well. If you look for some of their other songs: Big In Japan is a must see - mostly for the video itself. It seems a little like The Wall for a bit of it, but then gets more into the regular 80's stuff we have all come to expect and love from that era. I especially love that he looks menacing and yet is inviting them to be forever young - "Look kids, you can look crazy just like me!"

Well, I had a big day today, not the least of which was going to see dAN Hartke in concert at Blueberry Hill. One of my roommates sang with him today as well. Pictures to come tomorrow. For now it is off to walk the dog one last time and try to finish The Grapes Of Wrath - it is taking me forever.

To Her Alma Mater, O...S...U

I don't really know why I chose this lyric today - maybe because of the football game that was totally lost by OU last night. I didn't watch the game, I was sleeping. I did see the first two touchdowns of the game (one each team).

I don't really have anything to say today. Maybe that is why I don't blog much - I rarely have anything to say. I see blogs that have purpose: they are informational about crafts, they have a theme, they are for profit, or they speak about certain topics that are important to them. My blog has no real purpose other than outlet. Well that is how it started. I don't know that I really need this outlet anymore. I mean, look at the web address - where is my couch. When I started this I needed a couch to sit on and talk about what was going on in my head that I couldn't get out. Many times . . . most of the time, my thought are a jumbled mess in my brain. I think at one point I compared it to a highway at rush hour. My Ginny once told my Dad, "Butch, you think too much." Well I got that from him. I think a lot. I don't know that my thoughts are ever really profound or anything, I just think and analyse things . . . sometimes for hours. So in an effort to empty out some of those thoughts I wrote here for anyone and everyone to read. Funny, now that I am working a manual labor job, I don't really get traffic jams like I use to. Sure I went to counseling for real, and that helped a TON. But nothing has really done it for me like this job. Maybe it is the lack of real responsibility. My main responsibility is to show up when I am suppose to and work my tail off the time I'm there. Not hard. Well I work hard, but you know what I mean. I think the working unclogs the jam. So all that to say, do I need this outlet? I keep it because it is here - that is really the only reason.

says, one and one and one is three.

Well today was totally different that yesterday - in the fact that there was nothing picture worthy today. We did hang the swings this afternoon, and maybe I should have taken a photo of that.

Anyway, today's lyric comes from a Beatles song: Come Together. Ben talked about mash ups today on his blog - and come to find out that is what I was going to talk about today. Today's lyric is also a part of one of my favorite DJ Earworm mash up: Together As One. He has been doing these for awhile now and has them available for download on his site . . . for free. I haven't been back to his site in many months, and when I visited this afternoon he had released a plethora of new music! Very exciting!



Sorry if this post seems a little disjointed - maybe it is just how I write. But today I am trying to multi-task while writing. Downloading the new DJ Earworm stuff, writing the blog, going to get links to incorporate to the blog, and listening to pieces of the songs I am downloading.

Anyway the songs in the video are:
U2 - One
Beatles -Come Together
Diana Ross - Someday We’ll be Together
Mariah Carey - We Belong Together

Is Young, Heartache to Heartache She Stands. No Promises, No Demands.

A pretty chill day for me, not much to report. Should be noted that the status updates are song lyrics or titles (hmmm, bet you didn't figure that one out), but that they are not necessarily pertinent to my day. I try to make it fit my day, but that takes way too much brain power and I would rather spend my lunch break reading than trying to find a song lyric that matches my day. Sometimes I win, sometimes I lose - it is like gamble chocolates. If you don't know about gamble chocolates, go watch some Jim Gaffigan and I am sure you will come across that joke (I think it might be mixed in with holidays or maybe his Halloween bit).

OK, so I lied there is A LOT to report tonight:

1. Finished the fixing and painting of my three benches/porch swings. I have one more tweak job to do on one of the swings, but it will be a piece of cake.
2. I was inches away from grabbing my camera today to take it to work. I keep telling myself that I should because that will prompt me to take more pictures. One of my goals for 2009 is "more pictures", hence my Flickr account. Well I didn't take it, and about 10 things happened today that I wanted pictures of, and that was just at work. Log splitting, and appliance demolition just to name two things that would have been great to have photos of. Especially if someone had taken a photo of me doing some demo - because I was told that I reminded them of Sigourney Weaver in Aliens. I always did want to shave my head.
3. And, saving the best for last, we went to see Isaac tonight. He is only the cutest baby ever! I just wanted to sit on the couch and watch him, and watch his parents interact with him. It was incredible.

So anyway, as you can see my song lyric really has nothing to do with my day - but it was a fun day. Doesn't look like it will be as fun tomorrow. Doing some transplanting and not getting to go see a color-coordinated-blue-steel baby.

wears her sunglasses at night

so, technically it was morning - but it was still dark. spent the early morning putting out a bit of salt. have to tell you, it wasn't a lot of ice but it was EVERYWHERE. I haven't heard that many wrecks reported on the radio in a long time. people just weren't paying attention to what they were doing. you can't go 70 on ice, no matter how thin the film is, it is still ice.

spent the rest of the day painting - wooo doggy! i think this afternoon calls for a little art work, a long shower, a bit of reading, and a heating pad for my back. oh, and a tub of lotion for my completely cracked hands - that potassium chloride really sucks out all that moisture.

is just dust in the wind

all i can really say about that status is that i feel like i am just being blown around. that sounds really dramatic, but i don't know how else to say it exactly. i follow directions from many different people - that is all i am saying - it isn't dramatic. so therefore i am dust in the wind going where? i'm not sure. also, still in the beginnings of the grapes of wrath, so there is a lot of talk about dust and dirt, and (in the last chapter i just read) Jesus and sin.

one of the reasons i feel like dust - when did i become a painter? last i recall i was a landscape architect parading around as a landscape contractor. but by the looks of my shoes, the work i did today, and the work i have been doing for the last 3 weeks - i'm a painter now?

oh and thanks to ben for pointing out my grammatical errors on my last post. due to the fact that i generally like to leave stuff alone to keep people on their toes - it will stay as is. and go check out his site, he usually (ok always) has something awesome to talk about - and click on some of his adds. while you are at it - click on one of mine.

stepped into a church she passed along the way

another facebook status, but dropping the morgan. i think i like that better, without the morgan.


well i did step into a church today, but i didn't just randomly pass it - it's where i go, its what i do. i'm not typically a knee prayer though, maybe i should start. we got a new music pastor today, we voted this afternoon. well they voted and i watched. they strike me as a wonderful family, and a great addition to the team and our church body. i think the fact that they are coming is great. we have been in need for about two years - the search started in january of 2007. i do feel sad for them though - moving away from such close connections they have to come to a place so new and different. let's face it st. louis is different.


i have been doing a lot of reading and a bit of writing over the last couple of day. emphasis on a bit when it comes to the writing part. i am in the middle of carrie right now, by stephen king. it is very interesting. i like the way king describes things and the way he weaves a story - "its a gift my friend, don't hid that in a bushel basket" (jim gaffigan). i just keep thinking about high school and how hard it was, is, and can be for people. my favorite part about the book is the way the word popular is spelled with a capitol "p", like it is a proper name. i think in high school i would say our popular group had a capitol "p" as well. though in my mind there was popular and then there was the even better - "high" popular. i was in neither group. i had many friends - some of them even in the popular and "high" popular groups, but i wasn't a capitol p. anyway, after that i will finish reading the grapes of wrath by steinbeck. i started it last night and have already been captured by the way he describes dust. DUST, there i said it. the man knows how to make you feel the dust.

Morgan Is Climbing Up On Solsbury Hill

Let's see, what to talk about today? How about death? Now everyone is comfortable, right?

Honestly, this isn't going to be a heavy entry even due to the topic. None of them really have been lately anyway. But the reasoning behind the idea of death is the fact that my old dog Rags is getting put to sleep today - in about an hour. I'm not terribly upset at this point, I know that it won't really hit me until I go home again and he isn't around. The same thing happened with my cat a few years back. I'm more upset for my mom and the fact that she is doing this alone. Has always done this alone with no backup.

We called Rags "The Old Man" because that is exactly how he acted. Like one of those grouchy old men that sit on their porch and yell at the kids who are playing stick ball on the street. The same old man who yells at the paper boy for throwing his paper in the bushes, or yells at a door to door sales man just for looking at his house. That "Old Man." The thing is most of those old men have a soft spot . . . somewhere. Many days it takes a long time to find Rags' soft spot, but its there.

Anyway, Solsbury Hill. Whenever I hear this song I think of The Shining. I know you are asking yourself, "why in the world would a song like that remind her of The Shining?" Well I will tell you, or actually I will show you. I'm sure I have posted this here before, but it bears repeating - because it IS AWESOME! The soundtrack makes all the difference.

Morgan Wants Her MTV

Yep, another Facebook status report. Are you seeing a pattern yet?

Up, breakfasted, showered, and dressed before Noon! A vacation record I think. Spent the day yesterday deep cleaning and re-arranging my room. A task that should have only taken 2 hours that I managed to stretch out for about 7. Overall I am pleased with the floor space being all in one spot instead of chopped up all around the room. Makes getting around in there a lot easier. I was going to paint, but at the last minute decided that it was fine how it was . . . for now.

I am now at the half way mark on my year hiatus of TV and movies. So far so good. I find though that anytime the TV is on in the house and someone is watching I will stop for a few minutes and watch ANYTHING. I have also noticed I can't take it for very long. About a week ago I had to watch the weather for work. I had to turn the TV down really low because all the visuals, noise, and blameless consumerism of the commercials had me a little shell shocked. I guess my plan of watching the new Batman right out of the box might be a bad idea considering a little weather is a bit much for all of my senses. I wonder if it will be like introducing an animal back into the wild?

Anyway - enjoy the day and this video:

Morgan Partied Like It Was 1999

That was the status update I had this morning on Facebook - so I thought I would carry it over to here. Explanation - 1999 I rang in the New Year by watching movies. While I did not duplicate that aspect of 1999, I duplicated the act of sitting around and not doing much of significance: reading, playing with my dog and a camera, and you can't forget the incredible experience of finger print animals.

Goodbye 2008, half of your year was terrible, half was great (in that order). Of course I don't blame that on you 2008, I blame that on my age seeing as how the even numbered ages are not all that stellar, and are usually pretty difficult.

(see more pictures at my new Flicker account: http://www.flickr.com/photos/sarcasticandsingle/)

Beatle Bob

In my last post I eluded to Beatle Bob. Many don't know who Beatle Bob even is. He is a legend (at least here in St. Louis). You can find out more at his Wikipedia entry: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beatle_Bob, and also there is this neat-o-video: http://publicbroadcasting.net/kwmu/news.newsmain?action=article&ARTICLE_ID=1414401

Dance on Bob. I enjoyed seeing you at Trout Fishing In America.

Who Knows

I don't know where I found this, or what possessed me to put this on my blog (I came across this in my drafts). But I guess I had some time tonight to work on a draft or two so this was the first one on the list. If you ever get a chance to go see Trout Fishing In America - DO IT! Just got back from their rocking show at the library and they didn't disappoint. Beatle Bob was even there. Got some signatures to add to my signed CD collection.

Place an X by all the things you've done. Answer the 30 questions at the end.

(X) Gone on a blind date
(X) Skipped school
( ) Watched someone die
(X) Been to Canada
(X) Been to Mexico
(X) Been to Florida
(X) Been on a plane
(X) Been lost
(X) Been on the opposite side of the country
(X) Gone to Washington, DC
(X) Swam in the ocean
(X) Cried yourself to sleep
(X) Played cops and robber
(X) Recently colored with crayons
(X)Sang Karaoke
( ) Paid for a meal with coins only?
(X) Done something you told yourself you wouldn't?
( ) Made prank phone calls
(X) Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
(X) Caught a snowflake on your tongue
(X) Danced in the rain
( ) Written a letter to Santa Claus
( ) Been kissed under the mistletoe
( ) Watched the sunrise with someone you care about.
(X) Blown bubbles
(X) Gone ice-skating
(X) Gone to the movies

1. Any nickname: Morgan
2. Mother's name ? Mom
3. Favorite drink? Cherry Coke
4. Favorite drink? Alcoholic: Mojitos
5. Body Piercings? Yes, but I don't actually wear the ornaments
6. How much do you love your job? A lot, but I miss some of my old co-workers . . . OK 1 of them
7. Birthplace? Hospital
8. Favorite vacation spot? Cancun
10. Ever eaten cookies for dinner? Of course
11. Ever been on TV? Yep, but the TV isn't very sturdy so I don't get on it much
12. Radio?: Yes
12. Ever steal a traffic sign? Nope
13. Been in a car accident? Yes
14 . Drive a 2-door/4 door vehicle? 2 Door
15. Favorite salad dressing? Ranch
16. Favorite pie? Lemon Meringue
17. Favorite number? 13
18. Favorite movie: Yeah right
19. Favorite holiday? No
20. Favorite desserts? All
21. What is your favorite food? Jimmy John's
22. Favorite day of the week? Saturday
23. Favorite brand of body wash? Whatever soap is on sale
24. Favorite toothpaste? Closest to the end so I don't have to go into the aisle
25. Favorite fragrance? Pipes
26. Work on Sudoko puzzles? No
27. What is your number 1 pet peeve? Random quizzes
28. How do you see yourself in 10 years? The same as now, only 10 years older, and probably living in a hut.
29. Furthest place you will send this message? 2 feet
30. Who will respond to this the fastest? No one